stlyooper Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Yesterday was a bit of a small victory on my part in terms of regaining my confidence and dignity, and I just wanted to share it with all of you fine people! I haven't posted much the last couple of days, but I've been reading a lot of posts here. I've probably read of MajorD's Perfect Plan and Perfect Plan Mach II a half dozen times each. Thanks MajorD, it's been very inspiring and helpful! It's been almost 7 weeks since the ex left me, and I certainly do still carry a lot of her memory with me... but the intense feelings of pain and remorse are pretty much non-existent at this point. I still care about her very much and am still very much attracted to her, but I've really come to terms with the fact that we might never reconcile and I have to move on... so that's exactly what I've done. I've been catching up with old friends more lately. I've really been hitting the gym with passion. I've talked to my parents a lot more lately (they live 600 miles away & I haven't always been good at staying in touch regularly). I've gone out a lot and just had fun with friends and new people I meet while I'm out. I've gone on some dates and hung out with some new women I've recently met while being out enjoying life. I've gotten back into going to church on a regular basis. I've been doing some charity work. I'm enjoying my job more and putting even more effort into it. Basically, I've just been really busy and putting a lot of effort into improving ME and MY LIFE! I've been on pretty good NC for about 3 weeks now (I did break it once). Over the past week and a half though, she's initiated contact a lot. Kind of along the lines of the perfect plan mach II, I've been doing the friends, but not really a friend, thing. Honestly, we've actually had a lot of great conversations. Talking again like we did back in the day, but with less giving of information on my behalf, and thankfully, no drudging up on either of our parts any negatives from the past. Yesterday was the best though, and why I feel like I've really come a long way. She stopped by on a business related matter that took about a minute, but proceeded to hang around for almost thrity minutes. For the first time I can really recall, she sincerely came at me with the dreaded "so how are you doing" question. Another thanks to MajorD from his perfect plan... I was able to tell her that I was doing great and couldn't be better! The best part... it was absolutely true and I meant it!!! For the first time since the break up, I actually felt in control of myself and my emotions... I finally felt really happy and was able to portray that in actions, not just words! It really feels like a huge milestone in regaining myself back! I think it clearly rubbed off on her too. She started talking about nice things with me again, and threw out some hints that she hasn't been up to much lately. Talked a little bit about her fitness activities, and she hinted around and came just short of flat out asking me to do some training with her (Fitness was part of our relationship, and we would occasionally train together and always tried to support and motivate each other). I just played along and remained mostly aloof. It seems to me like were starting to make some head way to reconciliation, but the honest truth is... I don't really care that much anymore if we do or do not ever get back together. In a perfect world, I'd love the opportunity again to be with her... but now I know things would have to be different... and if they wouldn't be, I honestly don't think I could even consider taking her back. BIG THANKS to everyone on this forum! I've enjoyed reading your stories and advice to each other (and myself) so much... it's help tremendously! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hey There, Just want to say that I was very happy to read your post. It sounds like you are very positive and that you really meant what you said and are feeling great. Well done! Link to comment
stlyooper Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Thanks Hope75! Link to comment
SuperDave71 Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 That is GREAT news... I am so happy for you! Congrats on moving forward!! I wish you the best! -SuperDave71 Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Amazing! It's always fantastic to hear some good news in these heartbreak halls. Good luck to you Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hey there, Glad to hear that you're doing well! Thanks for sharing your good news w/ us ... Take care~ Link to comment
stlyooper Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 SuperDave71, Wandering_Sword, Ellie2006, Thank you to all of you for your kind replies! God, I feel so good lately and I wish the same feeling to any and all of you out here on this forum that are feeling in the pits after your respective splits. Trust me, life goes on... just don't stand still and expect it to happen, take action and start rebuilding and improving YOUR life TODAY! SuperDave71, special thanks to you for the occasional kick in the pants you gave me with some of your replies to my earlier postings! They definitely helped me to open my eyes a bit wider! Ellie2006, special thanks to you as well for being one of the first and most supportive responders when I stumbled upon this website in my improving (but still weakened) state! ADDED GOOD NEWS BONUS FROM TODAY... Got myself a lunch date with the ex tomorrow! Really going into it with no expectations, and already downgrading it mentally so that my workout and getting to sleep early tomorrow will be highlights number 1 and 2 regardless of how the lunch goes! I'd say "wish me luck", but that's not necessary... it's just lunch, and I like me some food Cheers! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 ADDED GOOD NEWS BONUS FROM TODAY... Got myself a lunch date with the ex tomorrow! Really going into it with no expectations, and already downgrading it mentally so that my workout and getting to sleep early tomorrow will be highlights number 1 and 2 regardless of how the lunch goes! I'd say "wish me luck", but that's not necessary... it's just lunch, and I like me some food Cheers! Just please be careful... I was too excited when my ex agreed to meet me, but then I kinda blew it talking about us... DONT bring the subject to the table, I would even recommend changing the subject If it is not leading to a reconciliation... Acknowledge her space and take it easy, one step at a time, just focus on having a great time and try to have a short date, no I love Us or kisses or trying to set another date. Please take your time... you have to reestablish trust. I wish you the best! Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 congrats! im glad to here you doin very! well! Link to comment
stlyooper Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 TijuanaJones & rsxguy520, Thanks for the kind words! TijuanaJones, no worries my man! I got it on lock down mentally and I couldn't agree more with everything you said. I'm just looking forward to a nice lunch with an attractive person of the opposite sex (history what? ) Cheers! Link to comment
stlyooper Posted January 27, 2007 Author Share Posted January 27, 2007 LITTLE UPDATE FROM TODAY... Had a great lunch with the ex. It was very nice. Great conversation, a lot of laughs and smiles all around. A little playful flirting and teasing. There was absolutely no talk about us and only minimal talk about the past. By that, I mean I never initiated any topics and let her do most of the talking. On occasion, she would reference or mention something from the past... and thankfully, each time it was something pleasant or really good. Nothing negative. Towards the end of the lunch, she did bust out the question, "So what was the occasion for this lunch"... to which I replied "It's Friday!", and it was pretty much left at that. To me, it was lunch, not really a date... baby steps! It ended on a high note, and no mention on my part to get together again... just simply an exchange of thank you's and good seeing you's. Who knows what the future holds? Maybe nothing, and I'm fine with that. But this felt like a nice start down a potentially good path. Either way, It's Friday night, time to go out and have some fun!!! Have a great weekend ya'll. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted January 27, 2007 Share Posted January 27, 2007 This is good news indeed. Yes, I recognize that nothing has happened but it is a positive step nonetheless and also it seems that you are very realistic about the whole situation. Good luck and godspeed. Link to comment
stlyooper Posted January 28, 2007 Author Share Posted January 28, 2007 This is good news indeed. Yes, I recognize that nothing has happened but it is a positive step nonetheless and also it seems that you are very realistic about the whole situation. Good luck and godspeed. Thanks again Wandering_Sword! That's about the most I can hope for right now... positive steps. We've had no contact this weekend, but I think that is a good thing. I'm glad we left off with the lunch on Friday on a positive note, and she'll have the weekend to chew on it. She did look lovely on Friday though. I do see her pretty much every day during the week, and Friday she really did herself up and looked great. Personally, I took that as a compliment since we had lunch plans and she really took the time to look nicer then normal. I do have to be realistic though, and I've really come to accept the fact that reconciliation may never happen. It's a weird personal feeling, but it's almost like I'd be open to consider it if the opportunity presented itself... but at this time, I no longer feel like that is a true desire of mine. I just hope she's happy. I did meet some very nice women this weekend. One in particular was exceptional and we made plans for a very nice date this coming week. I've dated a few times since the ex and I split, but I was never too excited... this time I'm really looking forward to it. This time I will ask everyone... Wish me luck Cheers! Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted January 28, 2007 Share Posted January 28, 2007 Yay, sounds like you're making good progress towards full recovery! Good luck w/ everything and hope you have a wonderful February! Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 You have achieved a most excellent inner balance for yourself. You are recovering very well and it seems that you have learned the importance of taking care of yourself. Smile at the world and it smiles back at you. Link to comment
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