Parents Lieing About Money??

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Ok i was just wondering, is it ok for like a married couple to lie about money? i mean my mum and dad have a joint account and everything but my dad brought joe something for $40 so he gave me and my sister $40 to make it even (i tried to tell him i didnt want it I felt bad)and he said not to tell mum cause he did a job to the side so he had a little side money (Dw his a gardener)

 

I dunno i just felt he shouldnt be keeping it a secret...Does anyone else agree?

[keenan]

it's complicated. i think couples should be open and honest about money, but i also think that individuals within a relationship should have some degree of financial freedom. it's apparently pretty common for couples to hide little things like this from one another (for example, there was an article in the NY Times recently about the huge number of women who buy clothes with cash so that their husbands won't give them a hard time about it). this is really about what kind of relationship your parents have, and whether it works for them. if they fight about money a lot and money is tight, then it wasn't great for your dad to put you in the position of feeling conflicted. but if money is ok, and mostly they seem happy and able to communicate about stuff, then i wouldn't sweat it.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Thanks Keenan

 

He didnt try to put me in the postition on purpose but yeah

[keenan]

no prob. it's always tough to deal with secrecy stuff like this when it's your family, but especially when there are so many tricky issues that come into play over one little thing -- like, does the amount of the money matter (40 bucks vs. 400 vs. 4000), or is it just the principle that matters (that one person has extra that the other doesn't know about). or...does it really count as 'family' money if it was an 'extra' job he did on the side, or is it 'his' money in that case. or..even if it's technically 'family' money, is it fine for your dad to have *some* degree of private spending power b/c it keeps him happier, and thereforeeee keeps your parents happier...and if so, how much money is ok. and does your mom do the same thing? and this particular issue aside, is it weird for one parent to casually ask that you keep something from the other just to keep life simpler, or is that ok?

 

so... i get that even though it's not THAT big a deal, it feels complicated because there's lots tangled up with it.

 

i still think you probably shouldn't worry about it too much. it's cool that you're thinking about it so carefully, though.