Allen Jefferson Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Ok, so I have been exclusively dating this girl for 3 months ( she is 20 and I am 28 ). We had been talking on/off couple dates here and there for about 6 months before that. I knew this girl through friends for a couple years before all that even. One issue is the fact that she is one of my 'friends' ex's. Thats not what I am writing about. Anyway, we first slept together in June and then slept together maybe 5-6 times from June to Nov when we became exclusive. We hung out a lot and became really close. I trust her completely and cant picture her ever cheating on me, but she has a funny way of leaving some details out sometimes. Thats also not why I am writing. Our relationship has had to be secret to some people for various reasons. We have been confronted and have both had to openly lie about it to people. I hate doing it, but we have to everything settles down. We are approached by people saying there are rumors and we just say then thats all they are...just rumors. Well, before we were committed to eachother I knew I was the 3rd guy she had ever slept with. Then one day I had heard her say the number was 4. Then I heard she got drunk, and slept with this guy she hates. I asked her bout it and she said "yea, it happened, I wanted to tell you, but I was so embarrassed". This guy was a friend of her ex's so she may have been doing it to get back at the ex? It irks my stomache to even think about it. This all happened allegedly like 7 months ago. Then today I hear from my sister that she heard it happened like 2 years ago. My question here is do I even ask her bout this? Then we were at dinner last night and she got a call and it sparked a conversation with her and I where she was telling me that someone accused her of sleeping with her ex's twin brother. She openly acted disgusted and said she'd never touch him. I had no reason to not believe that. Then today when my sister was telling me what she heard she said that she also heard that it was true and that it happened recently. We were communicating via email and she hasnt answered me what "recently' means. I know it cant be in the last 3 months cause we are literally together every day! However, is this also something I should ask about? I am in love with this girl and she says the same about me. We are perfect for eachother, or so it seems. I am making her dinner tonite. I dont want to rock the boat if I dont have to. This stuff would have happened before we were officially together, but I feel she may have lied. I dont know what to do? Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Personally, i dont think you should ask her about it. Its in the past and really has nothing to do with your relationship with her now... (at least i dont think it does..lol your post was really confusing..lol) If I were you i would put it out of my head =) Link to comment
arwen Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Hey, I think that even if things seem perfect, there are some red flags here. But let me tell you, diminishing the number of persons someone slept with- I think that is normal for a girl to do (she may be scared you think she is an easy girl or something like that). There seem to be a LOT of rumors about this girl, and I think that that is what makes it difficult for you. Keep in mind that if you yourself have no reason to doubt her, then you shouldn't listen to it. But I think if I were in your shoes, I'd bring it up. Don't do that in a blaming way, just tell her that you need some clarity and that the truth from her is so much better (regardless of the kind of truth) then keep hearing contradicting stories from people around her. Arwen Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 If she feels ashamed of it, then I can see why she might have omitted it. More for her own sake than yours... And it happened before you were exclusive and possibly before you were even seeing each other. That said, I stand by the saying "believe half of what you see and none of what you hear." Your sister is telling you a lot of what she's "heard" but unless you can absolutely verify a source, it's not worth anything. If it truly bothers you, talk to her. She's who you're in a relationship with. Link to comment
Allen Jefferson Posted January 24, 2007 Author Share Posted January 24, 2007 Thanks! I helped her re-arrange some furniture at her house last night and we had a great night. She is just so sweet with me, and like I said, we are together all the time. I thought back to maybe some sexual things I did with certain people and if she ever asked me bout it, I'd prolly deny it as well. I decided I cant control the past. I'm gonna live in the present and look toward the future. She has had a troubled past, but things are turning around for her at work and now in her relationship with me. I am just going to let sleeping dogs lie. Thanks everyone! Side note: Her and my sister dated the same guy at the same time so there is bad blood between my sister and her. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 That could explain some of it. I'm glad you've decided to live in the present, remember, it's a gift. Link to comment
valiantv Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Yeah you are doing the right thing... Forget about it, man... It can't improve anything, but it can make things worse! Link to comment
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