Do you have a right to ask your partner to stop looking at porn?

[RayKay]

But fantasizing is NOT cheating, that is the point Northalius. Fantasizing is not about wishing you were with someone else (maybe for some it is, but not automatically!).

 

I agree with treefrog, just because I may find porn/images stimulating does not mean I am not thinking of doing that WITH my partner, or actually even better enjoying it WITH my partner to start a discussion on what we might like and so on.

 

I am absolutely committed to my partner, and definitely do not think of "cheating"; but then again neither of us view porn/images as cheating. We have openly discussed our boundaries, and respect those 100%.

 

If porn began to REPLACE me, or him, I imagine we would have a big issue with that!

 

 

 

Anyway, thinking of murder is not illegal in the nations law, it is doing it that is. So that argument fails there.

 

I agree cheating is against general "relationship law" (although in some societies it is accepted and encouraged to have more partners), but I don't agree that fantasy is against that law, particularly not when you discuss it together to spice things up even more, and respect and care about one another feelings about the issue.

 

If it is wrong to fantasize, is it also wrong to role play together (ie they aren't REALLY a nurse but you are enjoying the fantasy they are....so is that cheating too)? What if they dress up in a wig? For me, that would just be a fun experience and exploration with my partner, and I would not see them as not respecting or appreciating ME.

 

If as a couple you HAVE decided porn is unacceptable, then it is against YOUR relationship law, but there is no universal relationship law that says porn is wrong.

 

Our differences of opinion clearly lay in that you see porn fantasy as a betrayal to your partner and as cheating; which is fine, but for many couples it is not viewed as cheating when you have both discussed it and know your boundaries and do not define using porn in the relationship (or alone when separated by many long weeks!) as cheating.

[holyohio]

Bwahaha, masturbating to porn and not getting caught by my parents for 6 years from when I went through puberty to when I moved out was no problem !

 

Hiding it from an insecure, judgemental, and naive girl would be a piece of cake !

[candy604]

what type of porn is it? perhaps those educational videos on how to spice up ur love life is okay. but i'm totally not fine with my bf looking at those jap porn stuff and those x-rated sites. I thikn it's degrading and promoting the sex industry..sigh..

 

but you should be able to talk about it with your partner if it bothers you. Set the boundaries, if you find that porn is replacing your partner..u have a big problem.

[valiantv]

If you're watching porn, it's proof you're not totally satisfied with your current relationship.

I disagree too... If you're watching porn in lieu of sex (or even spending time) with your partner, now *that* is a problem.

 

Murder is wrong to do, physically.

 

Cheating is wrong to do, physically.

 

Murder is wrong to think of, mentally.

 

thereforeeee, cheating is wrong to think of, mentally.

Wait a minute, that's a bit black-and-white isn't it? First of all, what do you mean of "Murder to think of"... Whenever I hear about a murder, I think about it! You can't help it! Watching movies about murder is not wrong, even "slasher" movies where the main sense of entertainment is the murder, even comedies about murder (wherein the protagonist is a murderer) - is not wrong - as long as we understand it's all fantasy, and that for it to occur in real life would be wrong. But all those things make you think of murder, and are not wrong.

 

If you mean "Seriously considering to commit murder", then yes that's wrong. But that would be equated to "Seriously considering to cheat" in your analogy. If it was something like, "Wow this is way better than my gf", then it would be wrong.

 

Although I'm of half minds about whether watching porn is like cheating or not, (though I certainly wouldn't mind if my gf was) but I just don't agree with your reasoning.

 

I thikn it's degrading and promoting the sex industry

And what's wrong with promoting the sex industry (as long as the actors are willing participants, of course).

 

To the original poster, it's definitely OK to ask - in fact, I would go so far as to say, it would be better to ask if it was bothering you, than to say nothing and get more and more pissed off with your other half... If he said he did but he didn't... well I wouldn't be too worried about that, as long as it didn't interfere with your relationship...