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Posted

There are three people that I'm really close to, and two of them are my cousins, so there is one person outside my family that I'm really close to. Her name is Ali and she is basically my best friend; I talk to her more than anyone else. But, I feel like she doesn't feel the same way I do, so its like to her we aren't all that close. She lives about and hour and half away from me, so I only really get to talk to her online.

Lately, she's just been hurting my feelings alot, and I finally broke down and told her, hoping that she would start taking my feelings into consideration and things would be better, but now its like everything is just getting worse, so its like I just don't want her to hurt my feelings anymore so I just won't talk to her as much, but I still want to talk to her because I don't really talk to anyone else.

Meanwhile, I just moved and changed schools, and I was very unsatisfied with my old school and I only saw my "friends" at school so it was still really just ali and my two cousins, which were about two and half hours away that I ever really hung out with, which wasn't very often. My mom didn't want to move to where they live, so we moved here which is closer but she has some friends here. Now, it's like I'm in the same situation I was at my old school. I like the people better, but now its like they don't really like me so I'm not invited anywhere or anything. Also, like everyone here drinks and smokes, and I don't do either or want to do either, so its like I still just don't fit in here. But really, I've never fit in anywhere. Even where my close friends live, I still wouldn't fit in there. Everyone there is really into sports and everything and I have no interest in sports. And now, it's like all these years has it really been everyone else I've hated? No, its me. I've been lying to myself for such a long time. I've been depressed for so long and I've always just blamed it on everyone else, and its my fault. I don't want to be on any medicine anymore, I just feel empty with them and I'd rather just feel this pain than nothing at all, and I've really felt like I just need to break down and cry for a really long time and my medicine keeps me from being able to, so I just keep feeling worse. I feel aweful today and I didn't go to school. I just felt like I needed to get this off my chest

Posted

To prevent lonelyness, you have to step towards the people. Act like a castle gate only let good people/things/events into your life, and prevent bad people/things/events from coming into your life.

 

Reality is that people won't step in your life just because you exist. All the people who stay indoors will never meet eachother, all the people who go to a club/bar/disco will meet eachother. So the reason that you don't find your kind isn't because they don't exist, its because they also shut themselves out from other people. And if no one is going to enter your life out of their own movement, then you have to take action to meet new friends. (good friends that is, and not the ones who'd get you into drugs,acohol,or smoking)

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