How many of you have been contacted after by your ex?

[eclipse]

How many of you have gotten a call from your ex (that dumped you) months or maybe a year or so after the break-up?

[dragon26]

I've gotten calls and emails from Exs that were bad and good - all depends and how and why you broke up. All in all thought it is a bit weird and can sometimes turn out to be very hurtful. If you're thinking about contacting one of your Exs - made sure you know what your motivation is... sometimes its not easy to be honest even with ourselves.

[bryan]

Eclipse,

 

Are you trying to hold onto false hope? Please dont tell me that you are waiting around for your ex to call? It's not a good thing to do if you are because what if they never call? As far as your question, yes my ex has been calling me quite often and she broke up with me 3 months ago to date someone else. Now that things arent working out with him as she hoped, she is crying back to me. I am being a friend and helping her out, but I am not getting sucked back in. Yes it makes us feel good when our ex's call, it makes us feel desired and old feelings return, but it can also be very painful at the same time. Sometimes ex's arent always on the same page with eachother. Sometimes one person wants to work things out and sometimes the other person just wants to be single. You have to be careful what you say to your ex because you dont want them to think you are vulnerable or weak. Stay strong and dont wait by the phone please!!! Good luck,

 

Bryan

[eclipse]

no, I know you guys are right. I would never fall back in to getting back with my ex. It would be nice if she called cuz I haven't heard from her in a month or more and I would like to say hi but I'm definitely not calling her. I'd just like to know how she is doing and if she's okay. I really would not ever get back with her you guys. Does anyone else have input? Thanks.

[DealingWithIt]

My ex called me after two months. During that time, I had moved on and began dating. Anyway, my ex called to find out how I'm doing, and he had been thinking/wondering about me. I find that funny since he dumped me to be with some other girl. It does feel good to hear from him after the breakup. It made me feel good again considering I blamed myself for him leaving me to be with somebody else...maybe I wasn't pretty enough, etc. I asked him all the questions I've always wondered.

At this time...we are friends. I do find it difficult at times when he's asking questions about my current bf. Why does he do that? I wouldn't dare ask about his girl because I simply don't want to know.

 

The bottom line is....yes, it does feel good when the person who dumped you suddenly start calling you and stuff. It makes them realize what they lost.

[funkygirl758]

My ex-boyfriend used to call me about every six months. We would talk for about two hours, totally enjoying the conversation. And then we wouldn't talk or see each other for another six months. Weird, huh?

[reborn]

Hi Eclipse,

I know what you mean, because I have been exactly where you are now. A month a half after being dumped I was still not contacted my ex. It was a weird bundle of feeling most of all I wanted to be acknoledge as a human being. It was so very hard, to feel and think that this person that shared so much with me day by day just cut me off like that. It was very painful and like a little drop that droped everyday. Every morning I would have hope--cause it was a new day maybe I would get a call, but by night fall and bed time my hope was lost again. Then next day the same thing will happen. I don´t know if you follow me. I am sure you do, cause this was involuntary for me, as it probably is to you and to many others in the same situation.

Well, lo and behold, guess who sent a friendly email after a month a half? yes ex, did. And guess what we did met. And guess what we sort of went back together for like 5 hours or so, and guess what he broke my heart even harder that time. Cause he came close but then when I thought that meant relationship he pulled back further and actually ended up telling me he loved me as a daughter (sick as that sounds). So there I was left with my heart in my hands broken into a million peaces.

After this, ironically it was even harder for me not to want to contact my ex. It seems that the hardest they hurt you the most you want to go running after them. It is some weird human reaction because logically it makes no sense. I don´t know where I mustered the strength to just not call or contact him. Well, really from this site and from my friends. I would call them instead of him. So I put a restraining order on my own self and actually made it through a very hard time as it was his last month in my same city when I was going through the most overwhelming bieng sucked into the black whole compulsion of wanting to call ex feeling.

And no, they don´t feel the same. I am sure they suffer, but it is almost a tragic comedy that they can go about their lives all casually while we are preety much paralized by anguish and emotional turmoil and pain.

In any case. I managed to stay away and yes ex has kept contacted me. Ex who dumped me, told me he loves me as a daughter, and that he is sure he never wants to be back in a romantic relationship. It has been 5 months for us. And he has been emailing during the summer at least 1 a month. Up to last week it scalated and as soon as I started ignoring him a little more (or so I think) he said he wanted to call me to see how I was doing first hand. So there you have it. Yes, I have been contacted by ex. And this is actually the first conversation in around 2 months. The rest has been email messages.

I know right now, where it sounds you are emotionally, you rather want that than nothing. But you know what Eclipse, in this type situations where you are actually not with the person who you want to be cause the other person simply does not want to be with you, nothing is very good either.

In a way I am glad that my ex has acknowledge my presense on planet earth and that we are able to be civil. But what good does it do me to get an ocasional and friendly call from someone who was mine and no longer isn´t in the same way that they use to, and in the only way that I desire them to be.

It is rather frustrating, and wether you want to admit it or not, it does build up expectations, no matter how strong you are. Some people are weaker or less realistic than others and let themselves be swaed away by these fantasies. These fantasy thoughts tend to feed the denial that throught the mourning process seems to lurk its little head back up, with less strength each time, but also when you less need and expect it to.

For me, this contacts from my ex, are quite painful. Cause with each email and that last phone call I build up false expectations for the future that may be. A future that as far as "us" is concerned is very different for me as it is for him, as it clearly seems that to him "us" will never be again.

I don´t want some sisterly or daughterly or family love from this person. I want their love, and admiration, and sweetness and caresses the way I used to have it. I have friends in my life already. I don´t want my ex´s friendship. I want his love. Usually when they contact once in a while is more a caring thing, a friendship thing, and for some even a guilt relieving thing as they know they have caused a very nice person some hurt and harm.

But nobody is to blame in these situations. Love is not an obligation. You cannot force another to love you as nobody can force you to love them. Just imagine someone who you know you don´t like in a romantice sense at all, and certainly not in this lifeime, and someone trying to force you to see them with loving eyes. Even though our ex´s once had those eyes for us, for whatever the reasons, they are no longer there. It is like different people we are dealing with. We cannot force them, deep down we don´t want to force them either. We should just face the music and let them go.

Due to my ex´s friendly contacts, I am seriously considering ignoring him and cutting him out of my life for ever. Or perhaps for an indefinite time. If they want you back somewhere or are confused or something they call you very frequently but it has been 5 days already since his last phone call. I don´t want to suffer more, I don´t want to get my hopes up. This was my last hope. If after that nice conversation he didn´t warm up, after all the months he has had to think about it and miss me, then I think it is time to leave the party. The hope party I should say, because as far as he and the world, and even some parts of me are concerned I left this particular party a while ago.

Sometimes it is true what they say... be careful what you wish for...

Well, take care eclipse. Hope this has helped some.

-reborn

[katana]

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is call and say "hi, how are you?" - have no expectations about anything.

 

Get this "bug" our of your system and just do it.

 

When I did this, it makes ALL the reasons we are no longer together come alive and refresh in my mind. All the -right- reasons we are still not together.

 

Two things happened -

one - I saw how silly I felt doing it - thereforeeeee, never doing it again... her response was not at all useful to me in any sense of the word - I since let it go and moved on [very successfully].

and

two - I think it's the right thing to do - if you truly want to know if she is well. assume you hear she is not doing well, are you willing to help her??? what would happen if she asked you back on that call?

 

However, you are opening up yourself to some hurt as you learn how well she indeed is getting along in the new life, role, world...

 

I'd stick to a short email - "hey, how are you doing, just checking if you are well". This way you redirect the conversation to something that is not so-personal, one-on-one or face-to-face. You will see enough [or so very little] in the response and you can choose to proceed if you wish.

 

Get this "I'd like to know" out of your system or it'll bug you for some time to come.

 

Running, ignoring, not-contacting, letting go...whatever... is so lame in our society - it's just so stupid [small of us] that someone we actually loved has so little to do with us anymore.

 

Good luck...

[eclipse]

I'm just curious to see how many of you actually get call-backs. All of my previous relationships ended with the girl usually calling me back. I usually never call back but I would like to see how she is in a way but I really don't want to see her or talk about current relationships. Our break-up was totally not hostile and we spoke for a few weeks after the break-up but now nothing.

 

I think it should be this way and if I never talk to her again I could live with that because it would help me forget. Again though, our break-up wasn't a bad one but if I call her I feel as if I'll be intruding in her life and I have a feeling that she won't call me because she thinks I'm seeing other people and maybe vice-versa. Anyway, I would love to see you guys keep posting on this topic. Thanks again.

[Annonomous]

i shouldnt hang around waiting for ur ex 2 call. I recently received a call from an ex 3 yrs after we broke up. i dont think this is usual but if it is then there is no use waiting around 3 yrs is a long time 2 do that.

[eclipse]

reborn and katana, wow, your stories are very descript and I want to thank you for sharing them with me. Thank you all for your input. I don't feel I'm waiting around for her call, but it would be nice to hear from her and know that she was at least thinking of me, as shallow as that sounds. I think I'm already moved on but I just miss my friend you know? It'd be nice to hear from her but like I said, I could live without ever hearing from her again. It's just a matter of time before I don't even really think about her but I was with her for a year so it's not that easy to just up and forget. Anyway, like they say, time heals all and I feel good about myself now that I have more free time to workout and hang with my friends too. Thanks you guys for listening and keep posting!

[SnowYs]

Hey!

 

In any serious relationship I have been in - I have always remained friends with my ex. There may not have been contact immediately - but we stayed friends.

 

I would advice calling her if you want to talk to her. She cant read your mind.

[Ccian]

I tell you my ex was calling me all the time after she left me for someone else. But she had such an attitude and was lieing to me about things i was not even asking. That i just will never understand.

 

Well i cut her off for over a month almost a month and a half. I called her last week because some of her bills came to the apt we use to share (surprised because i thought she had them forwarded) i called and left a message on her cell she called me back with her new thang right by her side,,lol not sure whos benefit that was for but ok,, she talked to me for 40mins, but she was still very high on herself and finally i told her to stop blowing smoke up her a$$ that i was not still into her (but i am) and right now i dont even like her and i will make no efforts again to have anything to do with her (she wants to be friends of course).

 

She told me she will call when she comes back to ny,, her new thang lives in MA.. ok well she is back because 7 mins after i am normally home she called then called my cell,, BUT guess what i wont answer. She did not leave a message so there is nothing to return,,lol see how that works.

 

It has been my experience that they ususally eventually call, but its on their time not ours. So be patient go have fun and live life. It easier said then done but i tell you me and my bow flex have become best friends and i am so focused that is crazy. I dont wonder what she is doing, and when she will call.. KEEP BUSY people. like a good friend told me, if they were thinking of you they would be there but they are not with you so they dont care.

 

I wonder how many calls i will get tonight,,lmaoo,, guess what i still wont answer..

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[street]

i suppose it depends on weather u were on good terms when u split and how u went out..

 

me and my ex were togther for 4 years so i think we have both struggled with not talking to each other..but at first it was usually me contacting her she was always happy to reply..but now i have left it she doesn't bother much so i guess we didn't really stay friends which is hard..but thats life..

 

i say just get on with it and when she contacts u decide then if u want to talk to her..it all depends on weather its hampering ur recovery...

 

in my experience they always say lets stay friends, but sometimes i doubt they really mean it

[biddo]

yeh i did i rang her after 3 years we broke up after i heard she was still talkin bout me to my friend. but it was a mistake cos i didnt like her any way , thats why theyre your ex.

 

 

when true love comes i guess ill know by then.