Ex won't leave us alone

[pale]

Not sure if this is the right forum for this situation but hoping someone can help.

 

The story so far....

 

I've been seeing my partner for almost 2 years. To cut a long story short he was married when we met but the marriage was in tatters, he wanted to leave but couldn't because of his son, we got pregnant and had a daughter, he left his wife before this but now we're having problems with her. She won't leave him alone, is trying to blackmail him and is constantly harassing me through their son. She says she loves him and blames me for the marriage break up even though i wasn't involved with him when they started having problems. My partner does not want to go back to her and she knows this so she does everything she can to make life hell for us. My partner says I shouldn't worry and that eventually she'll get over it. I have a fairly good relationship with the son but its hard when he constantly comes out with thigns she has said, destined for me. He's only 8 so I know he doens't really know he's hurting me. We cant do anything wihtout her getting on her high horse about it, even though it should have nothing to do with her. My partner is very supportive but I don't want to burden him wih my pain aswell. I just need hope in knowing that she will get over this and move on. THeir divorce is not final until atleast August. Any suggestions on how to cope? I've thought about hiring someone to take her on a few dates just to get over the hurt she is feeling and move forward. I'm so desperate for her to leave us alone. I know she will always be a part of our lives somehow, but I just don't know how to cope..especially with a new baby. Please any help me get through this??

[Dako]

It's up to him to deal with her. He married her, and if he can't keep her away, you might give some thought to keeping some distance until he's free.

 

You're in a tough position.

She must see you as the cause of the split, no matter how bad the marriage was.

[HellFrost666]

I met my girlfriend when she was married too, and her ex harassed me a little online once he figured out who I was. So I filed a no contact order against him.

 

I know since they have a kid together there is no way for a full no contact order, but the authorities can set it up so she can only have contact with you two if it involves their son.

 

Also, a no contact order and a restraining order are not the same thing, a lot of people get them confused.

[Siriana]

Her feelings are justified, but the way she deals with them isn't.

 

Now, I think you can do absolutely nothing about it.

 

Your partner should keep the convo at minimum with her, and make here cristally clear that blackmailing isn't possible, and also he can achieve she leaves him alone unless it's about their son.

 

Some drastic measures will bring more problems, and if she's a good mother it's better not to mess with that.

 

I think you are having a problem with her, but more with your partner. He should be able to deal with her.

[Bethany]

I agree with Dako, this is HIS responsiblity and I don't honestly think he is doing enough. Wait until she gets bored doesn't cut it for me

 

If he WANTS this to stop, he should tell her straight out NOT to contact him whenever she feels like it, but to arrange a day and time of the week that she can discuss any problems about the CHILD, nothing else, unless its a REAL emergency of course.

 

So if I were you, I'd suggest that he does the above and if he does nothing about it, consider removing yourself from the relationship at least until the divorce is final.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I have to say that whether you knew this or not, you signed up for a rough road when you took up with a married man, and it is to be expected that his wife would be enraged, hurt, etc. when she discovered both the affair AND that her husband had knocked up his mistress while married to her.

 

Flip this around, and think about how you would feel right this minute, if you discoverd your boyfriend was having an affair, and his mistress is now pregnant, while you are at home struggling with a child.

 

You say this has nothing to do with her, but it has EVERYTHING to do with her, becuase your presense and pregnancy were the catalysts that brought about the eventual destruction of HER family. they may have been fighting, but lots of couples fight, and that is very different than the husband committing adultery and impregnating another woman. Her bitterness must be monumental, and it is going to take more than a year or two for this to smooth out, so accept that you did have a role in the destruction of her family, as much as you would like to distance yourself from that...

 

Having said that, she has no right to cross the law and try to blackmail him etc., so if she is violating the law, then report her. but if it is anything less than illegal, then you need to acknowledge that your boyfriend is the one who needs to address her anger, and that you must accept some accountability for this situation. you took up with a married man, you got pregnant while he was still married, and the wife is now alone and VERY angry about the disruption of her family. so you have to give this some time and suck it up and recognize that you chose to get involved in married man's family, and now you also have to deal with the fallout from the destruction of that family, whether you like it or not.

[pale]

Thank you for all your responses. There's a lot more to the story that I haven't devulged. I realise that this is his responsibility and we have discussed the no contact with me by his ex and she says she's not going to try and contact me. I don't understand why she needs details to have closure though. I do accept som responsiblility for the eventual break down of the 'family' as such but the destruction of her family as some have said was her own doing. My parter had taken up with someone else before me so I don't see how I am wholelly to blame. I didn't get pregnant on purpose, I was told I may never fall pregnant naturally so our baby is a blessing. Yes my parter should have gotten his lazy but out of there before this but it was a little too late. I know if the roles were reversed i'd have nothing to do with my partner except for the child. I think she's more peeved at the idea that her son is happy at our place. I guess now its just a time thing. thaks again