This has to stop..

[bdwiii]

Hi everyone,

 

First of all I want to thank all of you that have responded to me so kindly and with very insightful and wisdom filled advice. Thanks to all of you.

 

Everyone warned me when I got back together with her last year that if this were to happen again, it would hurt twice as much as it did the first time. Did I listen? Of course not, I ran to her with my arms open wide; now here I am.

 

The funniest thing is I know what I should be doing and not doing, I know all the answers sorta speak, but does it do any good? Nope. It seems no matter how intelligent, or how versed you are in these matters when it's you it's happening to, all the logic and reason go out the window. I know I'm only torturing myself by going by there and forcing myself to see what I really don't need to see right now. I know I should stay FAR away from that whole little area of the world, but it's like a burning compulsion. I think possibly it's because this time it ended so harshly and without even so much as a word spoken as to why. The last time it wasn't even close to this. And possibly the fact that it has happened again after getting her back the first time. Something I secretly had hopes of throughout the time we were apart. The fact that she lives so close (5 min down the road) doesn't help either. All I know is it has to stop. I can't keep doing this to myself. My studies are suffering because of this; I'm not sleeping right or eating right either. Although I know what I should be doing, adhering to that is what's so damned hard.

 

Have any of you been where I am now? What did you do to get yourself back on track? To stop yourself from adding more self-inflicted pain and suffering.

[Princess777]

Hello,

 

I know what you mean as do many others here -- I think a lot of us here who go through the problems we go through KNOW the answers before we post messages, but we just need to get it out and know that someone in this world cares about what is happening to us. Depression has always been a part of my life, even though I know that life can always be worse and that I should be thankful for the many blessings I have (healthy body, wonderful son and family to name a few). Like you, I know what I should do to make things better but my emotions take over when it involves my loved ones. There is nothing wrong with you my friend.... we've all been there and follow our broken hearts when we know our heads are right. I wish you much healing right now.... no one can make you feel better I know, but just know that we are here for you. It is hard to move on when change occurs and the other person involved seems to just shut you out, but remember when one door closes, another opens. You just have to make yourself walk through it and figure out where you want it to lead. You are in control of your own life, not her. Don't give her that power, and you are no less of a person just because she's not around. Hope you feel better soon...

Princess777

[bdwiii]

*hugs* thanks so much. It's really nice to know that there is someone who understands. You're right about the power thing; it's as if they were a God to you. They are controlling your every waking moment and they're not even there! That's some pretty awesome power. I know I have to take it back, get my life back.

 

Thanks again

[street]

Ive been there, when my ex broke up with me I reacted rather strange, trying to contact her all the time, trying to see her..when ur emotions are running high u react strange..don't cut urself up over it..it will pass and u will start to see these more clearly..

 

Everyone reacts differently..with u, u seem to have a lot of un answered questions and u have every right to get them answered..i gave up with my ex as she never gave me a proper reason for the split and for that I hate her, but the other part of me still loves her…..

 

Just try to calm down and chill abit, its soooo hard though…I wish you luck

[reborn]

hi dbwii,

I wish I had the right words, the right answer, the right recipe to make this all go away or for you to feel better. However, breakups not matter how versed you are in the matter (as you very well said) and no matter how many times you go threw it even with the same person-- well, they are always painful.

It is part of our being human. It doesn´t make it easier, but it does make the situation a little more hopefull when you know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Not becuase you necessarily believe it at the moment but just because you have been there before.

Emotions are energy. Energy that moves and gets stored in the body if you don´t let it out. Feel the feelings, let them go through you. There is no way of getting out of it, unfortunately.

Good thing is that the compulsion you feel towards her will fade with time. However be understanding with your self and allow yourself to have those feelings. It is kind of like being in the sea, and almost drowning. Big waves that will engulf you and even take your breath away will come, yet they won´t kill you. Keep still you will see, as you know, it will go away.

As primpcess has said, take your power back. No matter how much pain you are going through it does help to know that we don´t necessarily have to be slave to those feelings we feel, or the circumstances around us.

I did read somewhere that when somebody dumps you, your subcouncious does see them in part as a God because they were able to inflict so much pain on you. This pain makes you feel completely helpless and them so powerful for being able to inflict it. The article went as far as saying that the obsessive thinking, etc. is a result of our subcouncious thinking those people as ominipotent not us necessarily loving them.

Look bdwii, there is no easy way out. You will still hurt a lot, and feel just terrible. But read the forums. Read the stories of posters that have posted for a while. You will see stories that put yours into perspective. Also you get to see how we all muster all of our strength to come out of this. You have done it before. You WILL AND CAN DO IT AGAIN. YOU ARE STRONG. BELIEVE IT!

we are here for you. Everytime you feel drawn to her as to a black whole come to the forum, read of post. This tecnique has actually saved much unecessary humiliation and loss of dignaty for me. Don´t be a slave to your feelings, be their master!

-Reborn

[bdwiii]

Very nicely put; thanks for the kind words of encouragement.

 

Everything you said is right on the money. What I'm grappling with most right now is not so much the feelings or emotions--ie: thoughts of her, dreams etc.. but the compulsion to see her, go by her place and see what she'd doing, who's there with her etc.. That's what I'm having a problem with. Sometimes I go out of my way to pass by there and when I do afterwards I feel so ashamed with myself, like I'm some freakin' slime ball stalker or something and I know I'm not, but isn't that the kinda stuff they do? Plain and simple I feel pretty pathetic doing it. And quite frankly I don't know why I do it. I just have to steer clear of there. Sure, over time the memories will soften and the feelings will as well. But not if I keep "tearing the scab off" sort of speak, or contunally reinforcing the desire I have now by doing what I've been.

 

Thanks again and all the best to you too.

 

Burt

[Ccian]

i am there now too. The second time does hurt so much more. I dont understand why. I could not function this time and the first time, i was like fine its done and i moved on in days. Its 5 months now and I am just beginning to move on. I am working out alot, and spending time with family and friends. The desire for dating is not there yet but maybe by the end of the year. All i can tell is to keep busy. Very busy. I was not doing things at work and finally i got caught up. I been tossing myself in me and learning alot. I been doing research about relationships, manupulation and now learning how to be more romantic. Take this negative and turn it into a positive. Life is not over even though it hurts like hell. In time that goes away. Working out helps the mind. It makes you stronger, both physically and emotionally. I increased my workouts to twice a day and boy am i focused and in a fantastic mood off of a sudden. Dont spend the time thinking of your ex put the time in you. No one is worth messing up with your job or school. Thats your future and now your ex is your past...........