GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 I don't want to break it for the wrong reasons!!! She broke up with me last Wednesday. She didn't want to hurt anymore. I was amazing with her, but could also be critical, judging and lose my temper sometimes. She was scared and hurting and felt she had not other choice but to end it, even though she said she was in love with me with all her heart and that love was never the problem... I didn't chase. I apologized. I am seeking out help now for my anger. From Wednesday until Monday I tried LC. On Monday, she asked me a little space. I respected her without an argument. That same day, she created a profile online (facebook). She has added 350 people (men and women) and is on their ALL THE TIME now. She is asking out her gf's and is asking out guys as well...She is ALL OVER THE PLACE ON THERE... In the meantime, I am STILL giving her that space she asked for, while NOW knowing that she is creating a NEW LIFE through this facebook account. I realize that she trying to get over her hurt feelings, of which she had in abundance and this is HER way of trying to do that. It is also what's keeping her away from me (giving her the strength to do so), by getting encouragement, support, attention (from males). I do love her and have taken action to work on my issues that pushed her away, but seeing her on that site 24/7 is making me want to contact her JUST to let her know that I know. I know this is the WORST thing I can do and contact should be made NOT for this reason, but the temptation is just SO strong!!! Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Goingfor it!!!! Don't do it dude!! I totally understand that you want to and why - but give it a little more time. Should we find a topic to discuss? Feel like playing a game in the OT forum for a bit? Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Do you have MSN??? I'll add you there right now!! Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Awdree, can you give me a list of reasons WHY this should not be the reason for me to CONTACT her???? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 I don't have MSN - but hang on - list coming Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 1. She asked for space - showing her that you can respect that - means you respect HER Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 2. You could appear too desparate and controlling - opposite of what she wants and part of what she wants you to change, yeh? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 3. If she was hurt and doesn't get the time to heal - it won't be a good conversation which will lead to resentment which will lead to a REALLY hard time ever getting back together again. Wounds need time to heal. Time, medicine and air.... Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 What about you? Can YOU think of a good reason to NOT contact her?? Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 The giving her the space is NOT really the obstacle, because I could hold out if I had to. What's driving me insane is her NON Stop-ACTION on her facebook account. The girl is living and breathing that. As a means to meet a new guy?? As a means to distract herself??? As a means to..... You see, she is now kept completely in the dark with me, because I am NOT contacting her for now and so, allowing her "room to breathe" as you put it, but I KNOW what she is doing now and the KNOWING is what's making me want to break contact out of fear that the longer I wait, the easier it will be for her to successfully use that account to get over me... I don't want the contact to be about this, but it's so hard to remain silent right now, knowing I know about this.. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 It's just seeing her on there and seeing how BUSY she is on there, is what's making me want to RESPECT her wishes LESS and break NC... Me letting her know that I know about her account and letting her know that it hurts me, WILL push her further away, right??? Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 STOP LOOKING AT HER ACTIVITY ON FACEBOOK!!! Like Ellie said, just stop looking at it. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 What does that even mean anyway? I mean, if you two were NOT doing the space thing and she had a facebook and spent time on it....what would that mean?? Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Yeah, I know that I guess.. It's like being a fly on the wall and seeing the one you love, who was with you a week ago stroking your head, walk into a bar and seeing her pass out her card to EVERYONE and all you are, is just a fly on the wall who has to remain silent... The truth is, I am not a fly on the wall. This is NOT a private account. It is public. She is NOT hiding it... So, you're saying that when in contact with her, I act ignorant to the fact that I know what she has been doing since the break-up and since she asked me for a little bit of space?? Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Being on there when we are going out is FAR different from her being on there now, in that when going out, she is in a relationship and will turn down passes and won't go looking to make them, out of respect for her man.. Seeing we are not together right now, she has a mentality of a newly single girl who has been hurt and needs comfort and attention, in a far different way than when she was with me.. She is NOW putting herself out there in a sense.. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 I just see it as her "needing a little space" as a means to take this time to find someone else FAST, so that she can get over her hurt and hopefully her feelings for me in the process and it's that FEAR that is making me want to break NC prematurely and NOT because I feel enough time has elapsed, whereby I can contact her, without saying or doing the wrong thing (putting unwanted pressure on her).. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Question? Why does everyone keep repeating theselves on these threads??? Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Ellie, I totally agree that she is doing the facebook thing to keep herself busy, but it appears that she is also on there so that she can do things she didn't feel she was able to do when with me. I guess the worst thing I can do is approach her on that, seeing that it will be me taking away something from her that she is entitled to have, right??? ex: talking to tons of people about everything and nothing, going out with her lady friends and going out on casual dates with guys (with or without intentions of maybe wanting more, but merely to get her second wind and help her to stop hurting as much. I guess you can say that it's her therapy, but at the same time, I am NOT asking out Ellie or Awdrey to do something with me sometime OUTSIDE of cyberspace, because once that's done, then it's no longer just fun banter online. It becomes her perhaps seeking my replacement and THAT'S what's making me anxious and making me want to contact her prematurely... Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 GFI...Let me repeat this..........YOU ARE NO LONGER TOGETHER...it's NONE of your business. If she wanted to start dating within the week you broke up..that is HER decision. You have no say in it, so obsessing about it is counter productive. Why don't you do the same? She's moving on...and so should you.... Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Lady Bug now it's you who is being repetitive... I thanked you for your forced advice yesterday. I will thank you again today.. You are NOT a supportive person. You are SUBJECTIVE and BIASED.. I have NOT contacted her, even though I've known about her account since Monday. Even though I know she asked out a guy on there 1-2 days ago.. I am SWALLOWING the pain and allowing it to propell me forward.. Everything with you Lady Bug is so FINAL. You act like NO ONE can change their mind. You are NOT in my ex's head. You state the obvious with me and you act like your opinions are facts. They are NOT.. I am NOT looking to have things rammed down my throat by you, because I'll just end up spitting it back up. I am still in NC since Monday and yes, that is adhering to her wishes for a little bit of space... My reason to post this is because the temptation is now far greater than it was before I knew about her activity on facebook and that's what's propelling me to act out prematurely on fear, but I do realize that it's that fear that will push her further away and seek out MORE comfort from the men she is meeting. I KNOW this... Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 19, 2007 Author Share Posted January 19, 2007 Ellie, you're a real supportive sweetheart. Thanks I do agree with you, but I also see it as her now rebelling against the things she felt I would not "approve of" when with me. Reconnecting with old gf's is one thing, but proactively asking out guys who are clearly single and looking to date and be in a relationship (what is says in their profile) is her at least testing the waters...I don't know. I can't be sure about that.. It says that her status is single and she is looking for friends, not a relationship, or more, nevertheless, she is vulnerable and in need of warmth and ANY guy going out with her will pick up on that right away and soothe her broken heart (REBOUND GUY). That is what is making me anxious and want to reach out prematurely, BUT, I am still being strong and keeping up NC for now.. Link to comment
daletroN Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 "...but it appears that she is also on there so that she can do things she didn't feel she was able to do when with me." that's what people do when they become single.. and you have to face that reality. yea i know how much it can hurt to know something like that, but why would you restrict her from doing what she wants to do to feel better? you care for her right? so let her be.. let her discover herself by you giving her time to herself by NC.. dont break it for hersake. "...what's making me want to break contact out of fear that the longer I wait, the easier it will be for her to successfully use that account to get over me..." there is nothing you can say or do to get her to come back to you.. seriously. when a girl breaks up with someone, it's usually something they been thinking about for a while and it's real hard to change that decision. by doing NC, you'll fix yourself of all the things you messed up on her and if she wants to keep communication with you, you can show her after NC for a while and show her how u changed. by showing her NOW it won't matter to her because she's still clouded by confused feelings from your guys relationship. by breaking NC, you're not giving her space to decide what she really wants.. and if you love her and u know you messed up, you'll live with that as long as she's happy right? stop checking her facebook and live your life the best you can right now.. and in a little while after you think you've given her a good amount of time of NC (be honest..) call her to see how she's doing and go from there. Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Everything with me is NOT so "final".....however I AM realistic. Getting angry with me because I am not saying what you want to hear is very telling, and yes...it completely solidifies what I have said all along. You have created THREE threads within the last few days about the SAME thing basically..THAT is obsessive, sorry. I seriously DOUBT I am alone in my thinking here. You are gonna do what you're gonna do anyway.....that is quite apparent. At any rate...good luck to you. Link to comment
daletroN Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Everything with me is NOT so "final".....however I AM realistic. Getting angry with me because I am not saying what you want to hear is very telling, and yes...it completely solidifies what I have said all along. You have created THREE threads within the last few days about the SAME thing basically..THAT is obsessive, sorry. I seriously DOUBT I am alone in my thinking here. You are gonna do what you're gonna do anyway.....that is quite apparent. At any rate...good luck to you. i actually understand this obsessive feeling as i was going through that.. and still am but not nearly as bad.. seriously just hang in there, it'll get better in time (yea.... i hate time atm), but i'm serious. try to keep your mind occupied when you have nothign to do, tv, music, anything so that your mind is focused on somethign else Link to comment
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