help with depression

[rawr58]

I have had issues with depression, self esteem, anxiety for years and years. I feel like my parents haven't noticed and won't help me, I told my mom in the past that I feel really alone and sad and I think I am really depressed, she asked me if i ever thought about suicide I told her no, but I lied because i was scared of her freaking out and getting mad. After I told her that she didn't ask me about it again and did nothing to help me out. So at this point i feel helpless, it was really hard tellling her that in the first place.

 

I live at home I am in college, but I am only taking one class.... but i can't seem to get myself to do the work, i have no motivation, my parents are getting mad at me, telling me i need to fix my sleep times and go get a job. but i have all these stupid anxiety problems, i have my whole life even as a kid felt really anxious and afraid for stupid reasons, they never acknowledged it as a problem or noticed the pain i've felt for years, they always just blame it on me being helpless lazy and rediculous, which doesn't make me feel any better and makes me feel like i am just an abnormal failure.

 

 

i have no idea how to ask them for help at this point, I am scared of being told to get over it, and told that i can't possibly feel that way. I can't be told yet again to just cope with it. That always makes me feel more hopeless.

 

How can I tell my parents that I want to get help and get them to listen?

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am so sorry things have been hard. Is there a history of depression in your family you know of? I have read it can run very strong in families.

 

You mentioned you go to school. Is there a counseling service at your college? Usually colleges and universities have people around to assist students for issues such as depression, abuse, rape, anxiety. You just have to look around. Also, do you have a academic advisor? If you do, perhaps he/she can point you in the right direction.

 

I know you have been feeling extremely down, unmotivated but in cases such as yours, there is only so much people can do to help you. You have to WANT to help yourself, such as finding resources in helping you cope with your depression, finding people you can talk to, and researching depression.

 

As far as what to say to your parents...well, it is up to you. Perhaps suggest you sit down and talk to them and reveal how you have been feeling these last few months. Give examples, tell them you are worried and not sure what to do next. Ask for their guidence. But I would really check into counseling services at your college. I am pretty sure they are offered.

 

Hang in there and keep checking in.

[Hope75]

I agree with KellBell.

 

Most colleges offer counseling services so maybe you could look into that. Or, arrange a family meeting and sit down with your folks and tell them what's been going on.

 

Depression/Anxiety is a legitimate diagnsosis that deserves to be treated properly so that you can enjoy a real life and not feel so isolated and alone. There are alot of different options for treatment for you, if you can just open up and share with your family or a counselor how you are feeling.

 

You told us, and that is a good first step.

[john of portland]

Hi,

Good point to get started with a counselor you can trust. The relationship with your parents seems like a reflection of what may have started some of your depression in the first place. They are unresponsive to yor real feelings. There are people who will listen. Find ways to develop a feeling of faith that people will actually listen to you and take you seriously....and give yourself the same feeling...the inner child metaphor works here...think of your inner child...what do you want to say to it? Maybe you want to say " I hear you and I see you" doesnt sound like your parents want to face the reality of you as a feeling person....I may be going out on a limb too far but from your words, It seems you should take steps to find people that will really listen..and then develop that quality toward yourself. When I first went to college I was just like you describe....I could not get motivated because there was a lot of unresolved anger inside me. So deep I couldnt locate it. I had mental illness in my family, and there was no one who would be there for me or really take the time to SEE me and listen to me. Explaining to a counselor or therapist you relationship to your parents may help you get some insight into how you feel like you can't get motivated toward anything. Your relationship with your parents might improve once you get a more thorough understanding of how not being seen and heard has caused frustration for you. I desperately wanted to be seen and heard when I was a kid, but instead I was a sounding board for the problems of others. The first time a therapist asked me " Who was there for you?" I started crying uncontrollably. There was no one there for me. Then we have to learn how to be there for ourselves. The denial of parents that you have real problems can be staggering. They say buck up and get tough. They dont know what else to do. Sometimes they have n real experience with the honest acceptance of feelings and emotions. When you look at their relationship with each other, how does it look? Do they give each other the things you would like to have from them. I am not putting them down but this resonates strongly with me, especially when you say you are told repeatedly just to cope. Be very honest with your counselor...I believe you have the ability to do so. I admire you for reaching out. Get started understanding these issues now, and you will have important tools to use for the rest of your life. I wish I had reached out earlier to counseling but I was too confused. Good luck...

[rosie76]

I notice how many times you use words like 'stupid' and 'ridiculous' to describe feelings and worries that are so painful and significant to you. If you got a bad flu and couldn't get out of bed for weeks, would you think your fever and lack of energy were 'stupid'? I'm really sorry you got the response you did from your mom, I know how difficult it is to tell someone about feelings like these and how hard it is to be told to just get on with it. Your parents might not have any experience of mental illness and might not be able to understand the feelings you are having in the context of an illness, so it's really important that you seek help from people who can.

 

I think the other posters' advice about seeing a counselor at school really makes sense, as you need someone who will be able to take your symptoms of depression and anxiety seriously. There might also be support groups based at your school you could join in - there were many at my University. Talking to - or even just listening in on - other people who have dealt with depression and anxiety might be very helpful in helping you to see the symptoms of depression and anxiety as symptoms of an illness and not personal failings on your part. Do you have friends you can trust, or could you speak with your doctor about seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist?

[Dako]

Don't waste your life afraid of getting help.

Call a counselor or thrapist right now. Get out the school phonebook and talk to someone that can refer you to help.

 

All you have to do is meet with a professional and tell them what you've told us. They'll help you more than we can.

I'm in the same boat, and following my own advice.

[jengh]

I went through the same thing. I'd try and tell my parents to get help, but it was useless.

 

Since you're in college now, you're an adult. Go talk to someone. Talk to your general practitioner about your symptoms.

 

Are you more depressed in the winter at all? If so, there's something called seasonal effective disorder. If this is the case with you, you could try light therapy. It's been very helpful to me.

 

You may be opposed to medications, but they truly do wonders for some people. Have you considered going on an anti-depressant?