having a bad day

[HDD]

i think i am having one of those days where you miss your ex a LOT. I am so tempted to call him but I am keeping myself busy and avoiding dialing his number. I dont know why, i just miss him A LOT today. Its almost unbareble. i know we have ups and downs and i guess today is one of those days where everything around you just seems so useless without your ex. I guess I just needed to get my feelings out. I just cant stop thinking about how he is doing, what he is doing, what is he thinking about, will i ever be able to have a conversation with him and not want him back....?? you know what I mean. this is so hard and I wish it would just pass by really fast.

I just feel sad and I want to cry but I cant ...

[Orlander]

I'm sorry you are having a rough day, HDD. Don't contact him and just try to get through this day. Hang in there...

 

 

Orlander

[Hope75]

Hey HDD,

 

What were the circumstances of the breakup?

 

Talk to us instead- we are like your sponsors.

[Vynde]

Hello HDD,

 

Sorry your having such a bad day. Thats how you should look at it- Just a bad day. Better days are ahead..

 

Each day that passes, you will become stronger, more able to deal with what has taken place. Whateveer that might be..

 

Hang in there. Keep doing what ever it takes to get past each day..

 

John

[HDD]

thanks everyone... you are really encouraging I already feel much better just to have your support.

Our relationship ended due to religious difference. the two of us are great when we are together, but as soon as you bring in family and religion, it creates problems. its not that we have any problems with each others religious beliefs, but the family pressure from both sides were too much. I know its sad that things had to end this way but we both did not want to end up getting divorced with kids in the long run. Maybe we need this time apart from each other tofigure things out. I knw I am not perfect and I have my own issues to deal with and so does he.

I know that this will help me in the long run to make myself a better person but its just really sad that someone whom I got along with so well, who was my best friend, is no longer a part of my life anymore. I know he cares about me a lot and this whole ordeal really took a toll on him and on me... we truly did love each other wholy and completely!

[leofromearth]

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[HDD]

thanks leofromearth... i'm glad to know that there are others out there in the same boat as I am. It sucks big time for things to end this way but hopefully the road to the future will hold something +ve and happy for me. I just wish things didnt have to end for us. You are right, my love for him will never go away because we truly did care for each other and we never meant to hurt one another. I hope that someday we can be friends and even though right now i do wish to get him back, i know its probably safer if I just move on with my life and leave him alone.

[elithepi]

HDD, fix yourself a martini!

It's cool, I'm right there with ya.

I was fine the past couple days and then there is today.

yeah, I wish you could be back with him to cause I wish the same for myself and it would be nice.

[HDD]

WOW! how bizare... thats kind of how my ex was about our break up... he wanted the best for me and did not want to hurt me in the long run. u know what the sad part is, i never saw my ex cry during the 6 years that I have been with him, and when he walked out the door, he was in tears that really hurt! i felt so helpless.

[leofromearth]

hdd, i know whatcha talkin abt. the 2 yrs that i was with her, absolutely no signs of emotions. but the last 2 meeting that i had with her, i ran dry of tears. sometimes i cry in the showers even now. hope god listemns to my prayers and gives strength to her and others who are in the same situaution.

[blender]

Just feel all that you are feeling, do NOT choose to re-act to these "temporary urges/feelings" by getting a "fix" in reaching out to contact the ex.. it will only lead right back to the same "feelings" afterwards, only more magnified.. so just feel them... it's okay to be sad for awhile in life, it hurts so much, but you have the courage, self respect, and you can do this... stick with no contact for today, just for today, breathe, cry, or go for a walk.. vent here on this site... but don't be afriad to say to yourself, "ugh, I'm going to hurt for a while over this, but HE can NOT fix that for me.. only I can do that for myself..and I will, and I'll be okay, even better in time..and proud that I took care of ME".

[HDD]

leofromearth, i can tell you from personal experience that NC is the best right now. You see, my ex and i tried to break up 6 months ago but we were so devestated that we kept calling each other and trying to help each other through it all. It DID NOT WORK! We ended up getting back together and trying to work things out... but you cannot stop the inevetible. if its not meant to be, you cant force it to BE. So, this time, we tried to stick to NC and so far, its helping but its VERY HARD!!!!!! this is what happens when two people who genuinly cared for each other (but did not really want to break up) actually do break up. It sucks but you are doing the right thing.

 

Thanks for the advice blender... you are so right. I will go to the Gym after work just so i can get tired and be able to sleep at night.

[blender]

Okay guys, when it comes to "no contact" I really understand that "feeling" of thinking that in some way we "might" be doing so for the "other person's comfort or security" but this is also NOT a good reason to stay in contact.

 

The ex needs to stand on there own two feet, IF they make the choice of ending the relationship. If they "ask" to remain friends after the break up there are several things to consider:

 

Will you eventually be building resentment and disappointment in your heart because you honestly want "more" than just "friendship?"

Is it so they can alleviate thier guilt?

Is it because they are just basically "needy" and should be growing up and becoming more "independent"..and YOU sticking around actually prolongs this inevitable process?

Is it because we sometimes "fool ourselves" and want to keep "any" type of contact alive in hopes that we can somehow manipulate back into a committed relationship?

Is it just an emotionally unhealthy "habit' of relationship that we let it become and one we are "emotionally addicted" to?

Is staying in contact part of our own "life pattern" of being "rescuer" or "victim"?

 

All of the above are "understandable" reasons, but not long term healing (for a reconciliation of for your own healing) or emotionally honest, healthy, or self respecting reasons to keep in contact.

 

So it is within "no contact" that we choose to let go with love..and respect...self respect, and also acceptance, that yes it will be difficult, there will be many tears, but through this acceptance and heartache the personal opportunity for "emotional growth" is so valuable it's worth doing so.

 

Take care of YOU and ONLY then can you trully be there for another.

[rsxguy520]

its ok to feel down..everyone has their good days and bad days..you'll get through it.. just remember to think about yourself first instead of your ex..its hard but i know you can do it!

 

remember- "everyday is a brand new day, let go of your bad yesterday (if it was) and start yourself a fresh beginning."

[HDD]

Thanks Blender. You are SO right. Right now, my NC is solely for my own benifit. You see, i was never good at NC and used to always break it, but then I realized, I should have more self respect for myself, so why should i make myself feel like a complete idiot. So, i am actually almost doing a month of NC and it feels really good. I dont think i am doing it to get him back, but just to figure things out for myself. I miss him a lot and think about him but i try and stay busy so my mind is pre-occupied most of the time... and then there are you guys

The points you mentioned are very true. I will read that once in a while to help me through this and snap me out of my will-I-get-him-back thinking!!