What a friend?

[mo]

Hi all,

 

We were friends for 5 years, I supported her to solve many problems including financial requirements. Recently days she started ignoring me and I told her honestly that kind of behaviour I don't like. She got angry and she said that's it - is over. I said OK but gonna miss you, for 4 months there was no word from her or from me to her either. I said to my heart let it be over I took her burdens on my head - I'm sure I will be fine.

 

Now she started sending me normal emails, funny emails without saying Hi, I've not responded any of her emails. Is it a test and what should I reply to her emails such as:

 

1. thank you for your email or

2. thanks for remembering me or

3. what? or should I just keep quite and forget?

 

Appreciate your opinion/advise.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hi Mo,

 

Hmm, these borderline NC ones are always dodgy eh?

 

Perhaps you could respond, (maybe after first waiting awhile...) with a nice e-mail that would perhaps amount to a message she might receive in a traditional postcard...

 

One e-mail after four months... I think the ball is still in her court somewhat. I mean, I wouldn't go to any great bother responding in a timely way.

 

If it is any concellation, I have had very similar experiences...two at the present time... (eek!)

 

Good luck, and I hope that whatever you decide, it will come out well.

 

Best wishes,

 

Jeff

[confused25]

Sounds like u were more like her friend of convenience. Seriousy though, if I were you I wouldn't respond to her email. If she wants to make amends, let her make the effort to come to you first.

[mo]

Hi Mo,

 

Hmm, these borderline NC ones are always dodgy eh?

 

Perhaps you could respond, (maybe after first waiting awhile...) with a nice e-mail that would perhaps amount to a message she might receive in a traditional postcard...

 

One e-mail after four months... I think the ball is still in her court somewhat. I mean, I wouldn't go to any great bother responding in a timely way.

 

If it is any concellation, I have had very similar experiences...two at the present time... (eek!) see: Lonesome Jeff

 

Good luck, and I hope that whatever you decide, it will come out well.

 

Best wishes,

 

Jeff

 

Thanks Jeff - yeah, the ball is still in her court and she don't want to admit. I'll just hold-on myself and see

[ramsickle1369]

Hi Mo,

 

Forgive me, but I can't tell if this was two girls or bf/gf? You don't have your gender posted and Mo can go either way...

 

I had something similar happen. A good friend of mine and I had both been going thru extremely dramatic times and we eventually had a big old blow-up. All the while, I knew she was a great friend and I would always have room for her in my life---unconditional love. I made it clear over and over as we fought that I loved her and would always be here for her. She never received this from her parents. She eventually said some pretty cruel things and told me to stay out of her life cuz she didn't like the person I was (this after about 8 months of talking NON-STOP!) I knew it was just her anger. I knew where she was coming from. I also knew she said things in haste and then analyzed it to death and usually eventually regretted saying the things she did. For the sake of friendship... I backed off and didn't respond or make any contact. A couple weeks later I got an IM saying simple things like, "Hi, how are you?" And I actually missed them (thanks goodness b/c I'd have felt guilty intentionally not responding). Eventually, I got a call from her when her son was injured and in the ER. At that time, nothing else mattered. She needed a friend, so I was there. It took some time before we really could talk things thru, but now, we are closer than ever. And a little more careful to throw the hatchet...

 

If you unconditionally love your friend and want her in your life, wait for her to really need you and respond, or wait till she says something relating to the argument and resembling an apology. When she does, don't argue. Don't blame. Those are not friendly positions.

 

Your friend may have insecurity issues and is testing to see if you will really be there for her. If that's the case, then, it isn't because she wants you to leave, it's because she has never been allowed to screw up and still be loved... at least that was the case with my friend.

 

Good Luck!

[mo]

Sounds like u were more like her friend of convenience. Seriousy though, if I were you I wouldn't respond to her email. If she wants to make amends, let her make the effort to come to you first.

 

Yes indeed I was more than a friend - she had many problems on her life once she explained to me, since that day - I supported her for many things and I didn't expected anything on return from her side.

 

Anything she wanted if I can afford I'll do for her and I'm sure she took every opportunity to use me and because of her problems I never rejected. However, this is life - the people you love most they tend to ignore.

[mo]

Thank you ramsickle1369, I can see that I'm not alone on these friendship situations. We like to do good things to families, friends and colleagues - but today's world most people never appreciate!!

 

God Bless You.

[ramsickle1369]

You have a beautiful soul to be there for her. But sometimes you have to let them figure things out on their own. A sort of tough love.

 

There's a beautiful story about a child that watched as a cocooned butterfly struggled to break out of the cocoon. The child decided to help the butterfly by opening the cocoon for it. However, the butterfly was never able to fly. See, the struggle of breaking out of the cocoon strengthened the butterfly's wings for flight. By "helping" the butterfly break out, the child essentially doomed the butterfly to a flightless existence.

 

Something like that, anyway. I found it profound ...

 

It's the struggles that teach us how to deal with life... Sometimes helping someone actually hurts them in the long run. Your friend likely has some struggling yet to do before she can fly. It’s an achievement to give truly expecting nothing in return. But that’s what you’ve done. If she never speaks to you again, that’s OK because you did what you did out of unconditional love… and that is reward enough. I wouldn’t give any more if you feel she is not learning the lesson.

However, this is life - the people you love most they tend to ignore.

I prefer to think that we tend to lean on those we trust the most. It’s actually a compliment. Altho it doesn’t feel very good. Give yourself credit for what you were able to give to her. Perhaps you could be a great aid to those in greater need?

[mo]

Once again thank you so much - This is wonderful reply, Great. Yes there are many need aid most - Thanks.

[ramsickle1369]

Once again thank you so much - This is wonderful reply, Great. Yes there are many need aid most - Thanks.

 

No problem... glad I can help someone else, even if I can't help myself