What should I do? Any advice welcome.

[xoxclairexox]

I'm in an 18 month relationship at the moment which is getting a bit tedious but yesterday I met up with my ex, who I've been apart from for about 20 months and was with for a good year and a bit, as friends and it was so amazing. I hadn't seen him since June and we got on better than we ever have before. He kept wanting to hold my hand and we just clicked all over again.

 

Now I feel torn all over again, all of the past memories and feelings have returned and although my ex is single I feel like if he got involved with anyone I'd be so upset. After we broke up he would always ask me advice on girls that he liked but it didn't bother me because I was over him but now it would bother me so much if he liked someone else.

 

Last night when he'd driven the 3 hours home (it was a long distance relationship) he rang me and we were on the phone for a good hour. We always talk on the phone and say 'Love you' in a friendly way but last night somehow was different, I said I loved him at the end and he said loves ya too but then after we'd said a proper goodbye he said 'I love you' seriously and then put the phone down. Then he text me saying he missed me already, he's never ever said that he missed me before and I don't know if any of you have been through this but it's the hardest thing to be torn between your partner who you're not sure of your feeling for and your ex who you just love so much. Despite the way he was acting yesterday, I'm not sure if the feelings are mutual...

 

I'm not sure whether to tell him and risk our friendship or to keep it quiet and keep it as friends. This guy broke my heart once but now I really don't know what to do.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It sounds to me that you are emotionally cheating on your current boyfriend. If you are not happy in that relationship, end it now and spend some time alone so that you are sure if your feelings for your ex are due to unhappiness with your current situation, or a genuine feeling for your ex. It is not fair on your current boyfriend to carry on with your ex in an emotional entanglement which can eventually lead to physical.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

Welcome to Enotalone.

It kinda sounds like you were not fully over your ex before you began dating your current bf? If you are having doubts about your current bf and are a bit confused about your feelings for your ex, I would agree that you might want to consider breaking up w/ your current bf and REALLY think about who you want to be with.

 

It could be that your current dissatisfaction w/ your bf is bringing back the good memories about your ex; in my humble opinion, you may need to distance yourself from both guys and then seriously contemplate if you want to be w/ either one.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Good luck!

[Relationship Coach]

Welcome to ENA and I'm sure you will find some help with your dilemma.

 

In all fairness to your current BF, you need to tell him about your meet up with your ex. It's quite clear that your are not over your ex and no matter how your ex feels about you, you're being untrue to your current BF. This may be a good time to step back and evaluate your feelings.

 

Honesty seems to be hard for you. Being honest with your ex and telling him that you are in a relationship is the right thing to do, no matter what the consequences are. You are in an 18 month relationship, don't you think your current BF deserves some honesty and respect too? How would you feel if your BF was doing this behind your back and you found out?

 

Relationships are about trust and honesty and I don't see it here with either guy.

 

RC

[DN]

It could also be that your dissatisfaction with your current boyfriend is because of unresolved feelings with the ex.

 

Whatever the case, I agree that is is unfair to be with your current boyfriend at the moment. He deserves someone who loves him wholeheartedly and without reservations.

 

It may well be that after some time on your own you find that neither of these men are best for you - or you for them.

[xoxclairexox]

Actually, I have told my current boyfriend that I met up with my ex yesterday and obviously he was upset about it. And I told him because I felt guilty so I'm not an unhonest person, I've told the truth from the beginning and my ex knows I'm in a relationship as well.

[DN]

Actually, I have told my current boyfriend that I met up with my ex yesterday and obviously he was upset about it. And I told him because I felt guilty so I'm not an unhonest person, I've told the truth from the beginning and my ex knows I'm in a relationship as well.

There is more to this than dishonesty. It is about fairness and whether what you are doing is in the best interests of everyone involved. I suggest that it is not - especially your boyfriend.

 

I don't think you should stay in the relationship if you are unhappy - but you should also not be with him while making up your mind whom to choose. He deserves better treatment than that.

[Relationship Coach]

Actually, I have told my current boyfriend that I met up with my ex yesterday and obviously he was upset about it. And I told him because I felt guilty so I'm not an unhonest person, I've told the truth from the beginning and my ex knows I'm in a relationship as well.

 

If this is true then why did you post this below? Can you see how your first post seems to support a lack of honesty on your part?

 

I'm not sure whether to tell him and risk our friendship or to keep it quiet and keep it as friends. This guy broke my heart once but now I really don't know what to do.

 

You also failed to mention telling your current BF, these are details that can directly affect how a member may respond to your situation. You're here to get help and find answers and solutions to your problems. No one is judging you, you are just being advised on how to handle this situation and future situations. The fact that you failed to mention these important details until after being told that your actions were dishonest, doesn't bode well. The fact is, you are still in love with your ex and whether he feels the same or not, you should not be involved with your current BF.

 

RC

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

I think it's less about whether or not you were honest w/ your bf about meeting up w/ our ex and more about how you feel about him and your ex.

 

If you are having reservations about your current relationship and if you aren't sure if you are fully over your ex, I do believe it might be best to distance yourself from both men and think about who it is you want to be with. Maybe one, maybe neither BUT you won't know until you see it w/ the clarity only distance from the situation will afford you.

 

What do you think?