Is he cheating or is it me?

[suzie.clue]

Hi everyone I need some advice...

 

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years now. Our 1st 4 months were great. But in the 5th month I found him talking to one of he's x-grlfrieds on the internet. I asked him about it and he lied to me. So the next day at work I went on his email account and this chick was saying really nasty stuff about me(we have never meant). And I comfronted him again and he came up with some lame excuse. Since then he has lied about everything possiable until I finally had enough and left for a month. I never found anything as far as him having an affair on me so I took him back.

We were doing good for about 6 months until November. I had to go out of town to visit with family in November and when I returned something wasn't right. I asked him if he had done something and he said no for 3 days. I found a piece of a conversation between him and another chick online where he was flirting with her. I confronted him and he said that he was just messing with her and that it wasn't anything. He tried to erase everything on the comp and when I found it he was mad that I had been checking up on him. Since then I can't help but check up on him. I havn't found anything but he also is extremly comp smart and gets rid of all evidence he was even on it. And he doesn't have a cell phone any more.

Then he came in from work a little late today and when I asked him what was going on he went defensive on me. He asked me what I was talking about. And said that I am always accusing him.

My question is this... I know that he has lied to me in the past but I don't think that he would ever cheat on me. I don't know what to think anymore. I want the relationship to work for our daughters sake but if he is I want to know.

 

Do you think that I am being paranoid or is he cheating?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Well, he has certainly engaged in some inappropriate behavior for a married man... he shouldn't be flirting with anyone online, and covering his tracks by deleting stuff on the computer and getting rid of his cell phone is NOT a good sign... he may still have that cell phone, but be hiding it from you too...

 

if you really think he is cheating, hire a private investigator... also decide beforehand what you would do if he is cheating... do you want to try to work that out, or is it a dealbreaker?

 

if he is cheating, at a minimum you need marriage counseling, but you might go ahead and do that anyway, becuase your trust in him is broken, and he is behaving oddly...

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello suzie.clue,

 

It sure sounds fishy.

 

There is a possibility that the whole thing is innocent, and he is hiding these things because he thinks that they will make a problem... but you know, that is a problem unto itself.

 

Personally, I would expect my significant other to be more forthright.

 

Also, it is a shame that things have come to the point that you have to snoop.

 

It doesn't sound good, and the first few "honeymoon" months may be just that: a temporary condition.

 

I very much agree with behappybestrong, maybe you should seek outside help, as unpleasant as that may sound, ie: first the investigator, then the councilor. (If you think it is worth repairing.)

 

Sorry to hear this, hope things work out for the best.

 

Good luck

 

Jeffrey

[HellFrost666]

Even if there is no evidence of him directly cheating, the fact that he lies all the time would make anyone paranoid. What you are feeling is only human.

[Rabican]

I dont think I would make the assumption that he WOULDNT cheat on you.

 

Thats a pretty big assumption for someone thats lying to you and behaving the way he is. My suggestion is to install a keylogger on your computer. Go to one of those spy/ surveilance stores and get a good one. Hell never know its there, I dont care how computer savvy he thinks he is. Find out what hes doing, and then you will know.

 

Or hire a PI and find out. But either way, find out somehow and put this to rest. Either hes up to something or hes not. Accusing him, never having proof, and just fighting over it wont solve anything.