Friendless

[unknownLover]

I live by myself and have never felt more alone in my life. How would you suggest making friends to someone who is really shy? I'm now about to start my 7th semester in college, and I feel like everyone already has their groups of friends established. When I came to college a few years ago, I quickly became good friends with a group of people. My boyfriend was also in this group of friends. When I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, they all decided that they couldn't be friends with both of us and stopped talking to me completely. I've tried joining new clubs and things, I made such an effort these past few months, but I just have such a hard time talking to and connecting to people. I know I'm a really fun person once I loosen up and get to know someone, it's just initially that I am really shy. I have a few friend from high school that I am still in touch with, but a lot of times I feel myself not even wanting to call them, because in a lot of ways I feel like I can't relate to them. I don't want to feel alone anymore. What can I do?

[robowarrior]

*hugs* here we can be alone together because your not alone. Ask yourself, what good has being shy ever done for you = 0. So trash it, you don't got anything to lose because you have no friends already right? Its not like if you make a wrong move at this point you'll lose dozens of friends. This is why you don't even have to be shy in the initial stage, just throw yourself for the lions and see what comes out. My mother would say 'you already have no, so you might as well try and get yes'.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Maybe try some clubs which DEMAND a lot of involvement and activity - like drama? Keep at it; years later when you talk to people from college, you will find out that almost everyone feels like you, shy and a bit scared. It's about putting yourself out there, faking it till you make it, if you like. You have to keep trying - if it helps, remember that the other people are often just as shy and anxious as you feel. Maybe focus on putting them at their ease?

[HellFrost666]

I can somewhat relate to you, not now, bit there was a time when I felt like that. When I first came to the US I lived by myself, and I am also a shy person.

 

I am really into music, so I started going to see local bands. I saw a lot of the same people at all the shows I went to, and eventually some of those people and I started talking. I also found a few friends where I worked... This was ten years ago and I am still friends with all those people I met back then at my job. One of them I live with now.

 

But that is me... Maybe you should find some public thing that interests you and build on that.