my fiancee cheated on me

[mariemarie]

Im 25 and have been together with my fiancee for 5 years. He treated me so good for all those times that we have been together. I went to a depression for other reasons and he stood by me the whole time but I did not realize that he was getting depress also because he felt like a failure coz i was so depress. I feel like I took him for granted somehow. Recently, I found out that he was cheating on me, with my co-worker. It hurts so bad coz it is like a shock to me. I feel like killing my self. It hurts so deep that I dont know if can move on. I know he is just lost and dont realize what he got. (I have been a great girlfriend to him overall. )I want him back..... but at the same time I feel like I am disrespecting myself for feeling that way coz he hurted me so bad. I want to help him find his way back to me but I do not know if this is the best move. Please help!!!!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

He's not "just lost".

 

There is no such justification. The point is, he has shown his lack of respect and love for you as a partner and a human being, and you really are better off without him.

 

Cheating doesn't just happen. It takes conscious decisions, which he wouldn't have made with such consequences if he was committed to you.

 

Don't lower yourself to trying to get him back - why not find YOU, and then find a guy who will treat you better - there are plenty out there, it just can take awhile to find them.

[gotSPL]

Did you stop looking good and acting cute? Cause most guys do this. I know.

[Spugly Fuglet]

What dos he say about it?

 

Iwould like to know why he says he did it and what hes saying to you know?

[musicguy]

I wouldn't go back out with a cheater. You deserve somebody better than that. An ex of mine cheated on me a long time ago and I will never take her back. I don't stand for cheating or cheaters, it's stupid and just hurts everyone

[agualibre777]

How did you find out? I also would like to know what he says?

 

I know sometimes people can feel overwhelmed when one person is depressed. It's not to blame you but it can be really hard to handle. Whatever you do... DON'T tell him you feel like killing yourself over this, that will REALLY freak him out. I tell you, cause about three years ago I went through pretty severe depression, was going to a therapist, was hurting myself, and when he wanted to break up with me I was absolutely devastated. I blamed myself and I was afraid of losing his friendship. I wanted to kill myself. I was taking sleeping pills and pushing the number of them to get closer to killing myself.... He freaked out and said he wanted to be back with me and support me but I didn't want that either. God, whenever I think about that whole experience I'm soooo ashamed....

[Kalika]

Hun regardless of him, you need to see a counselor. It sounds like you were depressed long before the cheating, and I'm sure this latest isn't helping. Definitely try to find someone to talk to.

[sddeaston]

Did you stop looking good and acting cute? Cause most guys do this. I know.

 

Are you serious?

[agent1607307371]

None of this is your fault. It is not about you, but all about him.

He is a grown man and capable of making his own decisions. And maybe one night stands can just happen, but affairs don't. They require planning sneaking and lying.

 

I would not bother to hear what he has to say, because it will just be a lot of self-justification designed to take the blame off himself.

 

Don't think about getting him to find his way back to you, work on getting back to yourself and becoming healthy and whole and then maybe finding someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

[mariemarie]

I kept myself preety all the time. The new girl is not even preety.

[mariemarie]

He says he's not breaking up with me because of her, he said he just wants me to be happy. I dont believe that though....because he still talks to her.

[musicguy]

that's crap, just leave him

[mariemarie]

Thanks for everyone's words....they mean a lot to me! When I entered my post here, I was not very detailed about the situation. I did not think that people would actually respond, I am so happy that I can talk to different people about this. Let me get more detailed....My ex has 2 kids already from a past marriage, he was 22 when I met him. I fell in love with him and accepted his 2 kids and loved them so dear. We both helped each other along the way, financially, emotionally I felt like he contributed more than I did though. I was very happy with him and so he was and to fast forward....3 months ago. I became really depress....not because of him...I felt so unhappy about myself and felt like there was no point of living. I went to counselling and even took some pills for a week but did not work. He was there to support me the whole time. There was a time that I run away from everybody and did not say a word to him and or anybody. I left for about 2 days. He called, left messages and I just got mad at him and told him that I needed to have my space. This hurted him a lot. There was even a time that I broke up with him coz I told him that I was not in-love anymore and that I needed some space to realize this. After a week, I got back with him...and told him that I do want to be with him. This hurted him also. When we got back together I was still depress and he was still there to support me but I felt like he was giving up on our relationship little by little since i was so depress and unhappy all the time. He've always told me how he feels, and told him to be strong for me. When I found out that he was talking to my co worker the first time....I told him that he needs to make a decision and figure out what he wants. He told me that he wants to work things out with me and we both agreed to give our best shots again to make our relationship work. After a week, a found out that he was still talking to her....I told him to just get the heck out of the house but he did not.I told him that he can stay at the house until he finds a place to stay. I am even thinking of helping him a little by keeping other bills under my name (since he has a bad credit) and he can just pay me if he is unable to do this by himself. It is so hard to get him out of the house because I felt like we did built this home together and I felt that he is not the only one at fault. I really dont want to see and talk to him anymore because it is just making things worst than it is. I feel really bad for what is happenning, I felt that somehow I really pushed him away because of my depression. I do wanna get better, and this time I want to try it alone. I know other people cannot make me happy if im not happy with myself. But he's making it really hard for me when he always ask me about how I feel or what my plans are. I do not want to fight anymore......but I cant help getting mad when he asks me so much questions. How can I make him understand? I wanna be the better person here. Lately, what I have been trying to do is try to control my anger.....I know I have a reason to get mad but it just causes an argument. Like for example, tonight he justs asked me if when he moves out if he can still have the keys...I told him calmly no and he told me if was afraid that he is going to just still my things. That statement made me really mad but I kept it calm and told him that Im just not comfortable about it. Break up is really hard and it is even harder when he does not know the meaning of it. How do I deal with this????