her bday is coming up...

[gavindark]

Long story short, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me around 7 months ago now. I was devestated beyond belief, but I have made tremendous progress in the last 7 months. That's not to say I don't still think about her on a constant basis, but it doesn't hurt as much, and I'm actually excited about being single (and a little scared). I'm only 24, but sometimes I feel it's so hard to find someone who I would be able to love.

 

I haven't talked to my ex since September, mainly because she made absolutely no effort to be my friend after the breakup. She was short with me, and made no attempt to see me one last time when I was moving accross the country to attend grad school. With these events, I knew this was not healthy for me, so I told myself and her that I would not contact her until I was ready to start talking again, and I have stuck to it. She contacted me a few times since then, to which I did not reply. My birthday came and went, and she didn't say anything (but I can't really blame her since I was ignoring all her other previous communications).

 

So now the question is this: Her birthday is coming up and I want to wish her happy birthday. I don't quite feel that I'm ready to be friends yet, but a part of me does want her to know that I'm not attempting to kick her out of my life forever. Should I wish her? Should I hold off?

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

Thanks.

[DeviousOne]

Just send her a birthday card. And if wants any contact w/ you she'll cnotact you to thank you if not then you know its not going to work as friends

[ironpumper]

ya know what? I sent her flowers. BUT NOT FOR HER! For ME! I felt like I HAD to do something, make SOME effort to show her I remember her birthday. SO I came to a decision that I would do it, just to stop my heart from NAGGING me about it. Did I get a response? NOPE, not a thing, not a thank you, go to hell, anything..

BUT I shut that nagging heart of mine up. So if you're heart's nagging you and you want it to stop, do it. Hopefully you'll get some acknowledgemnet of your effort, but DON'T EXPECT IT!!!!!!!!!!!

[Enitsirk]

Let's face it. Being friends with your ex after a break up is too difficult. There is so much pain there. It's obvious that you still care about her and that you would actually consider taking her back. Let me tell you what the books say about special occasions such as birthdays.......don't do it. Sorry, that's probably what you don't want to hear. If you get her something she will think that you are still thinking about her. If there is any chance of you two getting back together, she needs to believe that you have gone on with your life. Don't get her anything and see how she reacts... it will really make her wonder.

[rsxguy520]

i agree with Enitsirk! as much as it is going to hurt, you shouldn't do anything. Let me tell you, you can feel good right now, but once you do your actions, it will set you back.

[navigator2001]

thank you very much for your advice. i have decided not to contact her, for fear that if i did, it would take me a few steps backwards in my healing process.