Warp Speed

[fnlyfrei]

I was married FOREVER...most of my life. We are divorced now, and I have been dating on and off for a year or so..after a disasterous 10 month relationship after my divorce. I finally met someone I am crazy about..and it seems he is crazy for me too. It has only been a little over three months though...and talk is turning to long-term commitment...possibly marriage already. This thrills me and scares me at the same time, as it probably should. Are we nuts? Could this work? Has this kind of whirlwind BAM kind of thing ever worked out for anyone else? We are both in our early 40's...he lives with a room mate...I live in a small apartment with my boys...I think we both are ready to get a house and move forward...if this could work between us. I was intent on buying my own house within the next eight months with or without anyone....I would like to include him in my plans...but I refuse to live with anyone again without being married...for my kids' sake...and mine. I also think that before I married again, I would want to go through some sort of couples counseling first....but I guess things have been moving so fast that I am thinking "Is it too good to be true?" Should I listen to my logical side and set up some sort of timeline? Or are we too hormonal right now to make any sort of decision at all? Input is welcome. Thanks.

[SilverManic]

I would say it depends on both of you. I knew my husband since I was 17 online. We had been the best of friends and he dessapeared for a year and I was devestated. When he came back we got talking and realized how much eachother had changed. I went over there in august and was married by October. Although we are going though a tough time right now it's brought us closer together and we love eachother deeply.

It depends on the couple and it depends if you think he's worth the risk.

[Aschleigh]

For the kids sake I would take some time with it. It's jarring to say the least to have a new man in your mom's life, whose buying houses with her, planning marriage, counseling, etc.. all in the first 3 months.

Ask your kids how they feel about this guy. Include them in the process as much as possible. Have you told your BF all that you have told us ? About the counseling and other stuff?

Please slow down, your kids will thank you.

[SilverManic]

Yeah me my brother and sister hate my mum's ex or current we arn't quite sure what he is right now. Although I always respected my mum's feelings I never liked him from day one from what she said about him. So I just didn't come over when he was there. Do think about your kids and include them as Aschleigh has a valid point there.

 

For the kids sake I would take some time with it. It's jarring to say the least to have a new man in your mom's life, whose buying houses with her, planning marriage, counseling, etc.. all in the first 3 months.

Ask your kids how they feel about this guy. Include them in the process as much as possible. Have you told your BF all that you have told us ? About the counseling and other stuff?

Please slow down, your kids will thank you.

[fnlyfrei]

Yeah...I guess my insecurity is showing through..what's the hurry? Yes, he knows much about me...and I about him. And I suppose when I buy my house he does not have to be included at this point. I would hate for things not to work out and then have to move AGAIN. NO WAY ! I think we both are dreamers...when the reality is that we only met 15 weeks ago. Yikes. The new car smell hasn't even worn off !

[fnlyfrei]

My kids like him fine. It is difficult since they are 13, 15 and 20...all boys, and all teenagers. It takes them time to warm up to anyone of course...the general thought is that the new bf is a "nerd"...and he is endearingly so...not an overly complicated person...but true to his word and caring. If he ever treated any of them badly or rudely..he would be so outta here....I will take the time to see if he really is who I hope he is. Three months isn't enough time for sure to know. And if he were going to be a part of our family...we want to be sure. I must seem like such a spaz for even considering it...

[SilverManic]

You don't seem like a spaz at all. Your just like anyother female thats in love you want to let your love flow off with your heart and forget about all those little responsabilities or big ones in this case. Thats what we are here for to reasure you. I've run off with my emotions before as many of us have at some point in our life. I hope everything works out for you and that this is really the one

 

edit: Also sure your kids realize that they won't live with you forever and want you to be happy.

Take care,

~S.

[Siriana]

With kids involved I would wait a little bit - if it's meant to be, few more months woan't change a thing!

At least 6, possibly a year.

And yes you must buy that house by yourself. Too big investment not to do it alone after being divorced and having 3 kids! You need to secure yourself.