Hating indirectly

[Unhumble]

I often feel as if my mind makes too many strong connections between things that have nothing to do with each other.

 

Have you ever felt that you automatically dislike activities, tastes, opinions, favorite songs, books etc. of people you don't like [anymore] just because it's them... and not because of the activity, opinion, song or book itself?

 

I noticed that I'm actually regressing at this process. In the sense that as a teenager I was more open, I never made such strong connections...

 

I recall when I was at school and I really liked a subject regardless of who taught it... but if a really really boring and annoying teacher came, I slowly started hating the subject as well (reason for which I did lot of self-learning!).

 

After I broke up with a girl, whenever I wanted to do something that I had liked very much when we were together, I suddenly got the feeling of "dislike". Even if that specific activity had nothing to do with my relationship with her.

 

I feel that this is limiting me very much.

 

How can I solve this issue?

 

How can I detach my feelings towards people from my feelings towards what they do?

[honeyspur]

I think everyone is like this - they just do not come to this awareness as you have. Memory is powerful and somewhat beyond our control. So it can make these "links" you speak of.

The way out is choice. You have the awareness, which is the first step. The next is choosing to bring yourself in the now and allow yourself to remember the uncomfortable thing, knowing that you and your life are different now. You don't have that teacher anymore, that girlfriend, whoever. Now things are different and you just may need to revisit these bad memories and interpret them in terms of today.

 

Back then you may not have dealt with that person well. How would you handle it today? Could the problem be that you aren't sure if you'd be different?

Memory comes up at times to get our attention. We may think it's about that girl and that thing - but it's really about us and how we handled the situation. Maybe the issue is, back then you let things get to you and ruin your good times. But you were younger and less knowledgeable. Even in a years time you can learn so much, so you have changed. Today, you don't do that or if you still do, you need to have a change of heart. Other people need to be able to be themselves and not let it destroy all this good stuff.

 

Detatching feelings also comes by choice. You would not want someone to ruin their day based on your part in it. So choose to not do that with the people in your life and past. It is ok they did what they did or said - you don't have to agree. If it was a great time and you miss it because the people are gone, realize nothing is defined by anything else. It is made up of many parts and thereforeeee has no "ownership."

 

Hope this helps. Good luck to you.

[TheRedQueen]

Though emotion and cognition are highly interlinked, in order for us to save some semblance of sanity, I believe that it is important for us as human beings to be able to distinguish, and at times detach, our emotions from our thoughts. During the times you speak above, they should remain as separate spheres. Don't allow your negative emotions to infect your benign thoughts.