I want to be wanted, but is it wrong of me?

[shep88ner]

This is a question i have been asking myself for a long time now. i am in a relationship with my GF with whom i have been dating for 1 year yesterday. I am in college and she is still in highschool as of right now. since ive been in college ive really changed how i used to be. i dress differently, talk differently, and just do some new things because im in a new place and nobody here knows me or how i used to be. it's a clean start and i can be whoever i want to be, rather than how people knew me for being.

 

ive asked myself this question, is it wrong of me to want female attention? i have this desired want to be wanted and liked by every girl i see. i want them to think im "hot", i want them to "check me out" and i want the girls in my classes to like me more than more than a friend. i want the girls to want to date me...sounds petty and childish but it is such a confidence booster.

 

i know i have a girlfriend and i would never in a million years cheat on her or dump her for someone else. if we ever break up it will be something within the relationship and will be not influenced at all by the outside world. i love her very much.

 

so is it wrong of me to want to be wanted by girls here? or is this just a typical reaction of wanting to be admired by the opposite sex?

[shikashika]

no its not wrong! its normal to want boys/girls to 'want you ' or to 'check you out'..

 

why do you think this is? why is it so important for people you odn't even know to 'want' you?

 

it is normal however... I think everyone wants the others to think they are hot..

 

everyone likes compliments

[Northalius]

Well, it's an obvious sign of past insecurities you've been holding on to.

 

 

 

It's not petty nor childish! It's exactly what you said afterward: a confidence booster. This is just an issue of your past lack of self-confidence you need to work out. I'd tell her about it (communication is key in a healthy relationship), and maybe see a counselor together to get some advice about it.

 

It also depends on just how commited and happy you are in your relationship with your current girlfriend. Is she not giving to what you feel you need?

 

Do you feel like your girlfriend isn't "hot enough" to boost your confidence? Since she's not just looking at you, but also in a relationship with you!

 

If I knew my girlfriend wanted to still have boys drool over her while in a relationship with me, I'd feel a bit down, because it shows that I'm not giving her exactly what she wants.

 

If I can't boost her confidence by being with her, then either she's just not the one for me, or she has a background of insecurity issues I'd hope she'd talk with me and/or a counselor about.

 

That's just me though.

[shep88ner]

Well, it's an obvious sign of past insecurities you've been holding on to.

 

 

 

 

I think where some of this comes from is because when i was in school (K-12), i had a lot of friends, but all my friends were guys and i spent 95% of my entire school days hanging out with guys and my friends. i never had the girls giving me little notes during class. i never had the girls' friends running up to my giggling and saying "sally likes you" and running off. all my friends had all these girlfriends and although i didnt really realize it was effecting me, it really was. i didnt notice until i started dating my current GF just how much i was missing.

 

but now that im in college i feel like it's a fresh start and nobody knows me. so i can change how i used to be and be a "new me". i want to be someone that gets the girls attention. not just some quiet kid that sits in class. or have people refer to me as "the shaggy hair kid". that's how it kind of was early in my high school days.

 

it's not at all that i dont think my GF is "hot" enough. she's the most beautiful thing ive seen. not only her body but her personality too. she's not one of those "im hot and i know it so get out of my way" girls. and this is what i really love about her. she's attractive but not stuck up about it.

 

i guess my GF has gave me incredible confidence that i am a lot more attractive than i once thought. and i guess i just want to go out with my new confidence and see first hand what ive always missed out on.

[dvd06002]

I know exactly how you feel man. And so does Peter Gabriel. I'm sure you can relate to "Love to Be Loved" off of "Us". You're lucky to have a girlfriend that you love. From what I've seen, getting attention from women is all about having confidence, making yourself available, and being attractive. I have two good friends who I go out to clubs with a lot. They are both very confident and nice people with great personalities, but one is very good looking and the other isn't. The good looking guy gets hit on by attractive women all the time, the other guy rarely does. However, looks aren't everything. This guy still manages to meet some good looking girls every now and then.

[Luke Skywalker]

Are you are worried your gf may cheat on you? Maybe there are underlying issues here.

[shep88ner]

Are you are worried your gf may cheat on you? Maybe there are underlying issues here.

 

 

no...i dont think she ever would. she is far too scared about losing me and ruining our relationship. her parents LOVE me and my parents really like my GF too. i am the first boyfriend her parents fully aprove of and honestly like. we just go together so well.

 

a while back we got into this HUGE fight and some things were said and all this, but anyway, i ended up dumping her and ive never seen someone so crushed in my life. she handed me back my class ring and she was shaking so bad giving it to me she droped it. she begged me to not leave her and she was sorry. even though most of the problem was my fault and she didnt do that much wrong. she was still apologizing so i wouldnt leave her. we worked it out though and we've been really great since then.

 

since im in college and she's back home, she's always nervous about me being here and finding someone better or cheating on her. ive reasured she it would NEVER happen and i think she realizes that she gets the same trust with me that she'll be faithful and i believe she will be. she was simply brought up better than to do something like that.