a year later and I'm still not over my ex..is this pathetic?

[in recognition of...]

I just had another dream about her and I can't sleep. We stayed decent friends after she tore my heart out for another guy. She always wanted to stay friends and valued my friendship...I respected that. This summer though she just cut off contact and started acting different...it hurts. I keep having dreams about her because I can't bare the thought of her with another guy. In this dream she's at a party and I'm running to try to find her before she ends up with some guy in a room. Man it's pathetic. Over a year later and I'm still not over her, I still can't bare to hear about her with anyone else..I feel sort of pathetic. I guess I just wish she cared enough to still be good friends like we used to be, even after the break up. Anyway, these dreams are driving me insane, literally. I stopped going to sleep because they are so frequent. I need serious help.

[Pengui6668]

It's not pathetic but it's also not healthy.... My ex broke up with me last december and we did some really ***ed up things to each other.. i'm not still stuck on her.. but i miss her every once in a while and it depresses me to high helll.. like now... anyway.. there's not much you can do... normally finding something new helps.. not necessarily a new girl, but a new hobby, start going to the gym, run everyday, do comething to change up your routine... i noticed i neeeded something to fill the time that would normally be spent with her... i go to the gym 4 days a week now and my body's a lot better! there's always a plus side to things... keep your chin up and try not to think about her... just keep busy, best advice i can offer.

[Sensitive]

Only 1 thing to say...meet someone else, when you do, you will have a crazy new persepective

[in recognition of...]

hey thanks guys...I'll try doing both although I'm having trouble developing feelings for anyone else at the moment (had some great opportunities but blew them cause I'm still stuck on the ex.sheesh)

[Mar]

That's not a bad thing, not dating right now.....worst thing you could do to some woman is to date her on the rebound and discover you really don't want to be with anyone right now.....if you're not interested, don't date, easy as that. But I agree with those guys, do SOMETHING....hiking or fishing or basketball or whatever it is you like to do. Just don't sit at home thinking about how bad life sucks, because that only intensifies the feelings. Talk to your friends, go to a party, whatever. Time truly DOES heal all wounds, or at least makes 'em more bearable. There's no timeline for when you get over someone, but it does happen eventually. Just hang in there.

[Pengui6668]

date girls even if you don't have feelings for them... that's kinda the point of dating anyway.. to see what a person's like interests, dislikes, etc... so you can develop feelings.. don't EVER let an ex get in the way of possible happiness.. if you do go on dates will she still be your ex? hell yeah so what's the problem?

[reborn]

In recognition of.... hope you are feeling better and getting some sleep. It must be really hard and stressful to be in your situation. Also painful as it still seems you had feelings for your ex. I am very sorry to say that by her reaction it seems that she has really moved on. It is unfortunate that she no longer wants to keep your friendship, but relationships with ex{s are tricky and even if once you were friends after all the stuff that happens in a relationship, it is hard for some people to handle this types of frienships at some points. Maybe she senses you still have feelings for her and cannot fully move on if you are around, as she knows it will hurt you to know that she may develop romantic feelings for someone else.

In a way, if nothing has happened in a year to bring your relationship back, maybe at this point it is better to be parted for good.

Some people don{t mind being friends with the ex. Some people can{t handle it, as it means that deep down they are not moving on with their lives. The friendship with ex becomes sort of a safety net. As long as you are "good friends" it means they are not really that intimate with someone else. This may be crazy thinking but I think it may ring true to the heart.

Dreams are like the digestion of the subconscious. It is how a tool we have to accept reality, to meet our fears face to face. They have a message, a message we tell our selfs. Sit and really examine what your dream is trying to tell you. What feeling are you experiencing there that you don{t want to face in life. What scenario are you being faced with in your dream that you are afraid to happen. Feel the feelings, don{t run from them. Try to deal with those feelings in your waking moments. I think if you do this, just let those emotions overtake you cry, feel helpless, pain, whatever, then you will feel better and probably the dreams will stop.

Perhaps by being close friends after the breakup you never really came to terms with the fact that you and your ex are no longer together. Maybe you truly never completed the mourning period. Maybe deep down you still were in denial somehow, hoping you too would be back together with your friendship. God knows. However, it is not pathetic that one year after you are still feeling this way. I think it probably just means you haven{t fully come to terms with letting your girl really go. A breakup is a death. The death of a relationship we once had. And usually that means the disappearance of someone{s physical and emotional presense from our lives. When you truly accept this reality with that particular person, as hard and painful as it is, I think you will be feeling much better.

It isn{t easy. It probably means you will go through a mild depression, a bit of a roller coaster of feelings and the like. But you know what? It won{t last forever, and one day your heart will be truly free to love another.

One very important question that I will like you to answer as I am currently devating wether to stay friends with my ex who dumped me. Do you feel that staying friends with your ex hampered you truly moving on in your heart? Please do answer this as honestly as you can. It will be of tremendous help to me.Thaks.

-Reborn

[in recognition of...]

To be honest with you and answer your question, being friends, close friends...was painful. I think my downfall was because I kept hanging out with her/being good friends with her, even sometimes kissing. I would hate to see someone else in my position. I don't know your situation but I do know mine, and being around her as a good friend put me where I am now. I never got over her. Thanks for the advice everyone. I really appriciate it.

[Ccian]

In may my gf broke things off after 6 years, i had a hard time for two months because she wanted to be friends. I cut her off and it got way easier for me. Now I filling my time with hobies, working out and friends and here. I read lots of books and just order this book how to get over a broken heart in 12 weeks. I read somewhere that it takes half the time u were together to get over them. My ex had a new one before we broke up. This is the second time so i want to be over her before she tries to come back again. I dont want to hurt someone either, so i wont date until I am able to. So i applaude anyone who takes the time to move on and not hurt anyone else.

[reborn]

In recognition of... thanks so much for taking your time to answer my question. I do hope that our advice can be somewhat helpful to you, although I know there are no words that could take away the pain you are feeling. However it does help a lot to talk and to let all those feelings out with others such as us in the forum. Besides, I trust that you are strong and that you will get through this. The most important thing is knowing where you stand and to beging to accept it. Once you do that the healing starts.

Again thanks so much for answering my question. Your answer is preety much what I expected. I am in the position of considering wether I want to keep a psedo friendship with my ex. It is not so much a full blown friendship as he is currently living 3 hours away. But he does reach out to me through emails, at least once or 2 a month and just called me a few days ago. When he broke up, he told me he was not in love with me, made it clear but that he does care for me as a family and for my well being. Also made it clear that he does not see us back together in the future. Sometimes I tend to forget this and since his emails had been more frequent lately and then he expressed the desire to call me and know first hand about me, I couldn´t help but feel confused, hopeful a little even. It is horrible. I feel stupid and weak, but the whole conversation with ex, although it was friendly and I never lost my cool, made me feel back to my mourning again. The worst part is that it has been 5 months already. I feel more than ridiculous.

Thing is I am still hurt, I still have feelings for him somewhat and the whole breakup was really sudden as far as my end was concerned. There was no deterioration of our relationship, no fights, no not getting along, no boredom, physical attraction, and enjoying of each other´s company is still there even, but outside preassures seemed to overwhelmed him. Actually at this point I don´t even know what happened, and it no longer matters, but it was quiet abrupt that much I can assure you. In any case, there I am going along with the pseudo friendship while I am not totally ready for it.

I am devating wether to just ignore him and block him from my email account and not answer his phone calls, let things be while give this situation a little bit more time for me to get more over it, or just go right out and tell him how hurt I am and how I really don´t want to be his friend at this point.

I think being friends with ex sometimes feels like putting one self in the mouth of the lion. And though some people can handle the preassure, part of me, call it ego, call it pride, call it imaturity or maybe even healthy self preservation is angry that ex, the person I love all of a sudden doesn´t love me, puts a great distance between us, but feels confortable being my friend. I don´t feel confortable. I am hurt, I was hurt. You are not friends with people that hurt you.Then again I can´t blame or punish the guy for not loving me, as I have said before love is not an obligation. And part of me wish I was a great enough human being to look beyond this, see it as "well it didn´t work out between us" but he is a good person and so am I so why completely push him out of my life. So there, that is my dilema at the moment.

It is uncomfortable for me to be in this position. I am afraid to get more hurt and also to look like a fool. I feel stupid cause I should be over this already and feel retarded that this is still on my mind. So that is it in recognition of... sorry I went off here about my own problem. If u or anyone wishes to comment please go ahead. Thanks a lot.

-Reborn

[street]

ey reborn, we r in a similar position, iv tried being friends with my ex as she was my best friend as well…but its really hampered my getting over her..the trouble is I felt I wanted to stay friends to stop her forgetting about me and to try and win her back…now I know this won't happen..

 

I know where ur coming from, for the dumper there quite happy to stay friends in fact there getting the best of both worlds, there new life and us as friends..this isn't far on us…

 

Im not making contact with her now, im trying to show abit of self respect to myself…as im sure at the moment shes thinking hes still not over me, and it gives her an ego boost…well im sorry u hurt more than u will ever know and for that im out of ur life!! I get soo angry sometimes…

 

I say we both try to avoid them, lets do it together.!! You will feel proud of urself!

 

I say don't tell him ur ignoring him, don't give him even more power and let him know that ur still not over him, just ignore it or just reply now and again to let him know ur ok..

 

Theres no set rule to say that u should be over him, im not over my ex, I don't think I truly will till I meet someone else and relise what I know have is so much better..trouble is I can't see it at the moment!!

[Ccian]

Well I can relate with the out of the blue aspect of the ending. I thought things were fine while my GF was shopping for a new relationship. I have to tell you I struggle everyday, because I love her like I never loved anyone. I am taking the time to take care of me and reading books on how to get over someone. It appeared to me that she woke up one day and said hey i am not in love with you anymore but i love you like family. You have been there for me when no one has, but, i want to be single. Single my eye, she already moved on. She lied to me for months while she lived in my apartment, until she could save enough money to get her own place. After a month of taking her verbal abuse, I realized that things were not adding up. I tossed her out on her butt. She moved in with a friend, and splits her time between NY and MA where her new love is. (her new love lives with his parents,,lol and now she sleeps on a couch at a friends) She informed me last week that she was finally happy and in a real relationship,,, I guess she is slow, that it took her 6 years to think she was not in a real relationship. She has not worked in years, she has been trying to find herself. But now she is in a real "50/50" relationship. lol,, wonder what her 50 is,,, she is someone that i realized thought just showing up was enough. Cutting her off was the best thing i could of done for me. When we last spoke she said she would call me this week. Guess what, I wont answer. I wont respond to emails,,etc,,, She did what was best or easier for her to do and now i will do what is easier for me.

 

Think about you now, because neither one of them are thinking about us.

[reborn]

well said Ccian. They did what was best for them without consideration for our feelings. I guess they didn´t set to purposely hurt us, but they did act to their best interest.

Now we must act on ours. Street I will take you up on the ignoring them part. I will try my best to be good about it. Don´t know if I can actually not answer his phone calls if he calls, then again...who knows when that will be. So I will do my best. Will keep you inform of the progress.

Thanks to all of you guys for the great advice and encouragement. It is incredible how by just reading your posts you are giving me support to do the right thing. We are together in this and we will make it!

-Reborn