How do i move on?

[mintzhg]

first thing is that i dont want to move on, my well now ex-fiancee (he dumped me), i love him so much and to be honest i always thought he was the one, there is no one i have ever loved more than i love him and no one i wanted more than i wanted him. i am so heartbroken and i wish he loved me or to at least show some kind of emotion towards me. i need to move on in the sense that i need to get over him and stop getting all depressed and crying. i wish i had never fallen for him because now i dont know how to stop loving him, missing hima nd wanting to kiss hima nd hug him.

that's all for now i guess.

Thanks

-Aminta

[mintzhg]

CONT>>> and i dont want to but i know i have to. i just dont know where i should go from now, now that all my dreams and hopes of my first to be my only one, have gone out the window.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

i read your other thread, and first off, i would say you are LUCKY he broke up with you, because he sounded like a nightmare of a person who would only cause you more grief if you had stayed with him.

 

sometimes we have deeper issues where we are afraid to be alone, so we accept someone, ANYONE, as being better than nothing, but that is not true...

 

Please spend time with your other friends and seek comfort from them... and you may also consider counseling because you were willing to put up with a guy who had many, many problems and treated you badly. one must learn to love oneself first, then we can make good choices of a partner. but really, you are mourning someone who treated you atriciously, and that shows that you do not have enough self esteem, and should recognize that you deserve a better person and better treatment than your former fiance...

 

so please spend time with people who you can really trust, and consider seeing a counselor to help you move on with your life, and make a better choice of partner in the future.

[neallo82288]

There are things that you can do to find yourself and move on. It takes more to mourn for someone that has left our life than it takes to move on. Things that you need to know is:

1. Time truly does heal all pain.

2. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff.

3. It is over.

4. There is a reason for the relationship to end

 

Now, how to move on. Well, start working on yourself and the things you have lost (about yourself) since the relationship started. Start a strict NC and that means none from him either. Start going out and having some tiny bit of fun (it will multiply over time). Find fiends that you have neglected since you started this relationship. Start a workout regime. Start reading books. Come to enotalone and read posts. Do anything to take you mind off of your lose.

[RayF]

The truth is, you will never forget the bond you shared. It will always sting when you think back to the happy times you shared together. But time will help you accept what has happened and more importantly, time will help you understand why the two of you broke up.

 

A real love, a true love is something that holds no judgment. Its pure acceptance. If ,was something that led to him breaking it off with you than there is a lack of real love there.

 

By the sounds of things, the lack of love may have more to do with the lack of love her feels for HIMSELF rather than you. If he treated you badly he has personal issues to resolve and he needs to do this before he can truly love anyone.

 

Regardless, you will have to face this challenge, and it is so hard and it hurts so bad but I promise you, you WILL learn from this. You will learn to love yourself and when that happens, and the right person comes into your life, you will understand why this needed to happen.

 

The void you feel in your heart will be filled with love again, but a better love, love for YOURSELF. Hopefully. Thr]e same can be said for him.

 

Good luck and please take care, take time to mourn the loss and talk to people who care about you.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

CONT>>> and i dont want to but i know i have to. i just dont know where i should go from now, now that all my dreams and hopes of my first to be my only one, have gone out the window.

 

I think this relationship you just got out of is analogous to an addiction: he is your bad habit, just like cigarettes or alcohol. I bet if you looked at some AA literature, you will see many similarities in the stories of these people to the situation you are in. Your bad habit is destroying your life, your self esteem, and you probably have a sense of dread that you can't move on with out him. How many years do you want to waste in this destructive cycle? It doesn't have to be like this.

 

I think that no amount of us saying "You are better off without him" will have any effect on you. In your min, you already know that is true, but you believe something completely different on a lower level. Personally I think you should find yourself a clinical psychologist or a really good counselor, print off your posts and read to them out loud, and work with them to get yourself out of this situation. True, it has to come from within you, but they can help you find that strength within yourself and give you guidance to make better choices. All you need is the courage to make the appointment and be as honest as you possibly can when you are talking to them. Break down in front of them, it's ok they see it all the time. Tell them everything as it happened, you won't shock them. But you will be able to take your life back and feel good about yourself as a person without having his approval.

 

My heart goes out to you, and I hope that you can find a way out of this mess.

[lunatic]

first thing is that i dont want to move on, my well now ex-fiancee (he dumped me), i love him so much and to be honest i always thought he was the one, there is no one i have ever loved more than i love him and no one i wanted more than i wanted him. i am so heartbroken and i wish he loved me or to at least show some kind of emotion towards me. i need to move on in the sense that i need to get over him and stop getting all depressed and crying. i wish i had never fallen for him because now i dont know how to stop loving him, missing hima nd wanting to kiss hima nd hug him.

that's all for now i guess.

Thanks

-Aminta

 

OK I will admit I have not read your other posts on this and will take everyone Else's opinion that you are better off.

 

Here are the things I have learned from my past.

 

You are allowed to be hurt as you were planning to spend your life with that person. This is the same person whom you were willing to commit to in the marriage bond. It is totally normal to be sad and upset as your life is completely different than it was when you were together.

 

with that being said you have to do strict NC ASAP! No matter how much it hurts or how much you want to call DON'T!

 

With time it does get better and you will look back with feelings. I agree you will always have feelings for that person. You have to remember this "You are better off and this is HIS loss"

 

Good luck!

 

Be strong and forget him!

 

hub

[mintzhg]

Hi all, i justw ant to say thank you for your encouragement and support and woudl like to let you know i'm doing this 30 day cahllenge of NC even though we work less than 15 feet from each other, i will do the NC challenge which i would only break if i have to work with him seeing as we do train new people frm time to time and if we discuss how the new people are going etc and what needs to be done etc. so only if it's work related, other than that i will try to make you all proud and make myself proud by having NC with him at all.

 

-Aminta

[terk2021]

Aminta, sorry to hear what you are going through. I went through the same thing with my ex about 4 months ago. There are so many reminders, and when your heart is leading you over your mind, it's very, very difficult to switch gears and follow advice from this board, or from friends, or from family. I still struggle in many ways, and I know that at some point, things will get better.

 

It will be a rollercoaster for you. You will have good days, and bad days. The nice thing about this board is that most of us have been through these experiences. You may want to consider doing everything in your power not to see him or have to be that close to him. Reminders are the hardest part. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best.