TijuanaJones Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 TJ! good to see you again bro; i hope all is well with you! I think SD is right and that she will be back but by that time you will well be on your way towards a brighter future! If you need anyone man im here for u and everyone else is too. Day 34 NC - these days are going by a lot faster thanks to school mostly. Just got back from the gym and i can barely even move. Gonna shower in a little bit and then hit the books to study. Feeling tired and exhausted is the best way I think to most effectively utilize NC and of course going out with friends and everything, but until then, the gym is my second home. Thanks ahhh2jz!! Im glad you finished the challenge and I can see you are going for another 30 days! I have been going to the gym for 2 weeks now and I feel much better too. I no longer feel the HORRIBLE pain that you feel the first week hahaha. I have to regain the 10 pounds I lost since my breakup (I was slim, but I dont want to be skinny!) Before I felt deppresed and couldnt eat. Hitting the gym helps me rebuild the muscle I lost. I go out a lot with my buddies and I am making plans to go on a road trip thru Mexico at the end of the month... final destination is Mexico City, arriving just in time to see Colplay live on March 3... you must be asking yourself: "Coldplay??? isn't that a girly band???" hahah I tought the same, but I took a girl I was going out with to see them in San Diego, and let me tell you: I don't remember seeing the second part of the show (if you catch my drift)... but besides that, it is a really good band to watch live. Anyway, the moral of the story is: Do what you have always wanted to do, indulge yourself, you survived heartbreak! you deserve giving yourself the love, respect and admiration that your ex failed to give you... Life is full of happy moments, lets look for them! Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi TJ! I'm sooo excited for you! It's great that you've been able to turn the corner and you feel so great about everything! And it's definitely nice to have you post when you feel so great (btw, i noticed that you wrote some place that you had "failed" the relationship. I know it's semantics, but you certainly didn't fail the relationship. You are obviously a great guy...and did what you could for the relationship). It sounds like the letter your ex wrote to you was perfect...for you! As for why she was writing what she wrote...yeah, just immature and sounds like she is feeling guilty and feels better about placing the blame on you. Congrats on this!! And go and meet some wonderful ladies who deserve your time! Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Aw Coldplay will be wicked. Gigs at HUGE venues are fantastic. I saw Scissor Sisters at V-festival a couple of years ago, with the moon out and everything. Absolutely amazing! There's nothing like feelings thousands of people dancing and singing Filthy/Gorgeous all around you!! I am extremely jealous! I've found myself in a bit of a strange mood. I don't miss my ex (well, not at the moment) but I really really really miss kissing all of a sudden. I'm not very impressed. Link to comment
dansbabe Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 First i wanna share with u a story that till recently didn't seem like a success story but sudenly it is, About two years i met this amazing guy (Bob) at a concert, i felt like he was the boy version of me, i immidiatly knew he was the one for me,,i was only 17 at the time. we talked on the phone alot, i called most of the time, assuming that the reason he wouldn't contact me was because he was shy just like me... but i knew Bob was intrested in me since he was the one who approached me and gave me his #. For a couple of months we continued to talk on the phone and go out once in a while with a group of friends,,,so far there was nothing between us , but i felt like i was in love...at one of these "gatherings" a girl who was a friend of a friend of mine, approached me and asked me if there was anything between me and Bob and i said no, and she told me that the two of them had started seeing eachother... I felt like the biggest idiot especially since they had met at a party at my house and exchanged numbers in front of me,,at the time i didn't think of it as a big deal since Bob wasn't persuing the girl but the girl was. but when i heard the girl say they were dating my heart broke,,i was so hurt,,i told bob wat i had heard and left the place immidiatly thinking i would never see either of them again,,,Bob called me that night asking me wat happened, i told him the story again and he appoligized but didn't deny,,,i stopped contacting him for a while but i couldn't keep it up,,i decided to try the "lets be friends" approach,,,i called him once in a while,,,but was still unsure of whether he was with the new girl or not, i was hearing different stories from different sources,,,one day Bob and my bestfriend showed up at my house. Me and my friend had kind of planned it. anyways things seemed pretty good, i felt like he was very intrested in me and i acted pretty cool about it (nothing physical happened). But that's when things went horrible. After that day Bob began to completely ignore me, and i had no clue as to why,,i continued calling him and he never answered,,so i stopped,,, it took a bit over a month till he called me, and asked to see me, i told him that i was busy but that i would call him to make plans soon,,,i was still very eager in seeing him,,so i waited a week then i called him,,and he didn't answer,,,i found out that Bob had just started seeing someone else a few days after he called me,,i was replaced once again,,,and this time it hurt even more. The two of them were pretty serious and as far as i know they are still 2gether,,,i changed my number after i moved to another city,,and haven't tried contacting him since,,,as far as i know he is still with that girl, and till recently i still felt the same about him. It's been about two years since then and i dated many people none of whom replaced Bob About 3 months ago i met a new guy (Joe),,i knew he was different he didn't seem like an ..we started dating but i wasn't serious about him, we lived in different cities, about an hour drive,, the first month he would drive down to see me once every two weeks, and i would go down to c him every other week,,,things were going pretty well...nothing too serious,,,i was seeing other people on the side, but after 3 months i felt like i was falling for Joe as much as i didn't want to, i was too scared of getting hurt again, so i slept with someone else . Two days later i was supposed to meet up with joe, i tried calling him and he wouldn't answer, i emailed, i msged, i tried everything. Eventualy around 2 am i gotta a short msg from him saying that the relationship was too long distance and he was too busy, just like that it was over, i tried calling but he wouldn't answer me...i knew that there was no way for joe to know about my unfaithfulness,,i also knew that his reason for ending our relationship was a lame excuse. I felt like karma was bitting me in the ,,,i was so hurt,,more than ever,,i didn't even know Joe was that important to me,,,i sent him an email that night which i regret, telling him that i hated him for being so gutless that he wouldn't even talk to me, and i also told him that i slept with some1 else.. A week after the break up (just this past weekend) i texted him and appoligized for overreacting he msged me back saying that it was ok and that he has just been very busy. we sent a couple of texts back and forth, very brief msges, nothing too serious, and i ended the conversation by saying that i was off too bed. its been almost two weeks since the break up and few days since i've tried to contact him...I miss him more than ever, and i dun want for us to end up like bob and me,,,i have just realized that since joe, i have completely forgot about bob,,I am starting the NC challenge, and hoping that joe will contact me,, i regret not taking this relation serious, and i regret cheating on him i was just scared to let my guards down and get hurt, but i ended up hurting even more, If u have a story to share, or if u have an advise for me, please post, i'm desperate for help and if you can give me some idea on why joe felt it was time to end it? Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi TJ! I'm sooo excited for you! It's great that you've been able to turn the corner and you feel so great about everything! And it's definitely nice to have you post when you feel so great (btw, i noticed that you wrote some place that you had "failed" the relationship. I know it's semantics, but you certainly didn't fail the relationship. You are obviously a great guy...and did what you could for the relationship). It sounds like the letter your ex wrote to you was perfect...for you! As for why she was writing what she wrote...yeah, just immature and sounds like she is feeling guilty and feels better about placing the blame on you. Congrats on this!! And go and meet some wonderful ladies who deserve your time! Hi Boston! Yeah, she made it real easy for me to get over her with her mean letter haha. I was like: "wait a minute, I don't deserve this! after all she dumped me to be with someone else!, ok, that's it, case closed" I read your post with a smile on my face. Im confident that the future will bring us good things... Sometimes I like to think that somebody up there is looking out for us and steers us away from people that will do us no good... I thought that my ex was it for me, she is the closest I have been to the girl of my dreams... so when the real one pops into my life, I'll have an easier time recognizing her from the rest... I hope you are doing great Boston, and remember, its just a matter of time until you start feeling great again... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Aw Coldplay will be wicked. Gigs at HUGE venues are fantastic. I saw Scissor Sisters at V-festival a couple of years ago, with the moon out and everything. Absolutely amazing! There's nothing like feelings thousands of people dancing and singing Filthy/Gorgeous all around you!! I am extremely jealous! I've found myself in a bit of a strange mood. I don't miss my ex (well, not at the moment) but I really really really miss kissing all of a sudden. I'm not very impressed. Scissor Sisters! nice!... Last night I bought the Live 8 concerts on DVD and It was great to listen to some good music... they play a couple of songs there... I totally love music festivals! There is this one in California every year in April, its called Coachella music and arts festival. I went there last year and I saw Kanye West, Sigur Ros, Franz Ferdinand, Depeche Mode, Daft Punk and so many others... even Madonna made her first performance at a Festival there... this year is going to be great also! Im going! check it out at link removed When I feel a little down I try to find a good concert to attend to and I feel better with just the idea of going. Making plans is good for me, gives me something to look forward to.... Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi Boston! I hope you are doing great Boston, and remember, its just a matter of time until you start feeling great again... Thank you I do need to be reminded of that!! (even though I was feeling great not so long ago...) This whole healing thing has so many unexpected turns for me. But it's definitely a learning experience! I am starting to be able to believe that there is a great future out there, just like you said. I've been thinking of going abroad to get my Spanish fluent. A couple of weeks ago I thought about it, but the only reasons were to get closer to my ex (he's Dominican and his parents don't speak any English). Now I know that it's actually really something that I want to do for me and has absolutely nothing to do with him! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Thank you I do need to be reminded of that!! (even though I was feeling great not so long ago...) This whole healing thing has so many unexpected turns for me. But it's definitely a learning experience! I am starting to be able to believe that there is a great future out there, just like you said. I've been thinking of going abroad to get my Spanish fluent. A couple of weeks ago I thought about it, but the only reasons were to get closer to my ex (he's Dominican and his parents don't speak any English). Now I know that it's actually really something that I want to do for me and has absolutely nothing to do with him! Sounds great! You can start practicing right now: En realidad te deseo lo mejor y espero que consideres a México como opción para aprender español. Hay muchas ciudades muy bonitas y pintorescas donde puedes aprender, pero te recomiendo Guadalajara por todas las opciones que tiene en cuanto a cultura, gastronomía y artes. Aparte de eso el clima es muy bonito! En fin, si te lo propones, lo puedes lograr. Que tengas un excelente día Boston! I really hope you do it... I was an exchange student in the US some years ago and it was an experience I will not forget. I truly recommend living in another country to learn the language. It worked wonders for me (I am a little rusty, but posting here helps haha). Link to comment
Shady_Milkman Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Day 2 Harsh day, to be sure. Two weeks of denial, and now the void. Yesterday, after letting the ex know that I can't maintain a friendship right now, (I had been in hopes of reconciliation), I deleted myspace, aim, and facebook in a streak of confidence. Waking up this morning was painful, to say the least. Realizing what went on yesterday, I couldn't, and still really can't, get around the fact that I won't be conversing with my ex/best friend/confidante any time soon... it lead to a lonely kinda day. I haven't been able to sucessfully keep her off my mind for any amount of time, and don't really see how I can if inside, I don't want to. I mean, I've thought about getting out there, meeting other girls, but I'm at the point right now where I feel there's only one girl I want, and no matter how I try, I haven't been able to shake that yet. The loneliness factor wasn't helped by the gloomy kinda day it turned out to be, and that I was sans roommates in my apartment for most of the afternoon, as I didn't have much class today. Ended up grocery shopping-helped a bit to get out, but not much. Hockey practice has been helpful in taking my mind off her thus far, and I have another practice late tonight, so I'm looking forward to that. In addition, we have a few road games this weekend, looking forward to those as well. Thanks for reading, and until tomorrow. S_M Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 milkman hang in there bro; it's hard at first but then it will become second nature to replace those bad thoughts with something more positive. keep at it and believe in yourself. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 day 32..i swear im freaking forgetting to update this stuff now. getting busy with school, im losing focus on my healing...well anyways school was alright today. its actually taking a lot of my time now, which is good. still going to the gym, and still getting nice complements from my friends that i haven't seen in awhile in school. its weird how my situation with my ex doesn't attack my mind anymore unless i sit on my comp and see the eNotalone icon on my internet tab. i guess im focus on other things now which is good, cause these things are my real priority. well anyways im glad my life is going accordingly right to the way i want it. Family>School>Friends>having fun. its great. well i guess i will post tomorrow. i got a mean headache from doin calculus hw. Link to comment
Parsley Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Ooh ooh, I did good...I think? I have two versions of msn on my computer. One is amsn, and the other is msn for macs. I usually use amsn, and had deleted my ex from my list. Now, for some reason today, I signed into msn for macs instead, and had to open a conversation window to check something. I opened up the top group (the one that only has my best friends in it) because someone was online in it. And it was my ex. I reaaaallly don't understand that at all. I guess maybe because amsn isn't produced by the same people msn for macs doesn't follow what I do in amsn. So in this one, my ex was still in my top group, and online. AGH. BUT. I didn't talk to him. Oh my GOD did it take me a lot of strength. We were both online for about an hour or so and the whole time I was forcing myself to think "And what will you feel if you talk to him and he doesn't respond?" When he finally went offline I felt kind of deflated but in a good way. Like relief I guess. I went and had a shower and sang Athlete very very loudly. And now I'm about to go and have a lovely walk in the snow (woot! Snow!!) to get som bread and milk and maybe something to eat. La la la! xxxx Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Day 7... Not quite as 'up beat' as I have been, but still doing ok. No desire to see or speak with the ex, but he has been in my thoughts a lot over the past 24 hrs. Still I keep pushing forwards...x Link to comment
Shaker Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Pisces, The thing I like about having slightly less good days is it helps me by reminding me I can still experience a range of feelings and be okay. I don't need to be happy all of the time to continue NC, to heal, to do productive things. Right? Parsley, WOW! I'm so proud that you didn't take a bite of the forbidden IM fruit. Good on you! TJ: Great to have your updates. So nice to hear you're getting along in this process. Day 18 for me: Work slipped off the map this week a little, to be honest. Today I'm going to make my day about getting back on track. Once in a while I realize 'Oh yeah! No wonder I'm sluggish. I've gone through a break-up, moved, juggled work, cancelled a much needed vacation, and dated a little all in a couple of months.' Duh. So I'm not kicking myself too badly. Just lighting a little motivational fire under my butt. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi Shaker, Thanks Sweetie. I think we all have to be gentle with ourselves, even if we are feeling a little weak. When you think about it we have both been through two of the most stressful life events you can face at the same time...the loss of somebody (I know it's not a death, but the grieving process is very similar) and a house move...we deserve a big pat on the back! Let's hope for some calmer, stress-free times ahead xxx Link to comment
honeyspur Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 I didn't talk to him. Oh my GOD did it take me a lot of strength. We were both online for about an hour or so and the whole time I was forcing myself to think "And what will you feel if you talk to him and he doesn't respond?" xxxx Wow - this is brilliant...I'm very impressed! Link to comment
boston23 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Day 18. Wow, that suddenly seems like a big number. TJ: You have proven how much I really do need to practice my Spanish...Entiendo mucho pero...yeah, I can't really say anything in return. Last night I had a very vivid dream about my ex (and some other really weird stuff like a water park in a mansion and skiing over a highway). My ex was really nasty to me; in a very similar way he was with me toward the end of our relationship...in the dream I would try to kiss him and he would say something mean or ignore me. But when I woke up it didn't feel that bad. A couple of weeks ago it would've devestated me for days to have those feelings come back, but now it's just...I realize that's what it made me feel then and I'm ok now. It also occurred to me that my ex is actually really mad at the friends he's accused me of taking away from him. He's projecting his own anger onto them and thinking that maybe they're mad at him. When we broke up I was pushing him about the reasons, and he said, "This might be the biggest mistake of my life, I don't know!" Which of course was not nice to hear at the time (why do something that you're already worried is a huge mistake?!??!?). But when he went to talk to those friends, they pretty much told him that even if he doesn't realize who he's let go now, after some time he will realize that he made a huge mistake by doing this, and that although I will go on to have a great life, I will be the one that he will always regret he let go. It makes me feel better to realize that he actually is mad at those friends, and obviously I can't do anything about it. I've decided to make sure to live my life for now with the idea of proving to him that he did make the biggest mistake of his life. Once I get over him completely, I won't need to prove anything to him, but right now I think it's a good way to think about moving on and doing the things that I want to do. Link to comment
Pisces_Princess Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi boston23, They say living well is the best revenge xxx Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Hi boston23, They say living well is the best revenge xxx Hi Pisces, hi Boston! I agree a 100%! After my breakup, I deleted everything from myspace, just left a photo. After I while I started to think: "Wait a minute, if she is having so much fun with her new BF, why should I be sitting at home feeling sorry for myself?" So I started going out again, partying with my friends, enjoying the good things in life, (I kept taking photos) and then I revamped my myspace page with new photos, and my friends started to look for me and writing funny comments and inviting me out (even some cute girls I met ). Well, the point is that I don't know if my ex is still checking my page (im shure she does), I dont check hers, but anyone that knows me and anyone that looks at my myspace can see that I have my life back and that I am having fun again. Now I look at my myspace and I like what I see! the old me, smiling and joking around in all my photos, with friends, in different cities, places, comments from people who like me, friends, family, asking me to do things together... the broken-down, depressed TijuanaJones is nowhere to be found! Maybe it's a silly example what I just wrote, but what I meant to say is that you should try to have a normal life again, both in real life and on the internet be consistent in what you do... it takes time to get your life back, but concentrate on small goals... one week at a time, one day at a time. My weekly goal is doing fun things on the weekends *btw, my anthem is a song by Michael Gray called The Weekend* haha. My daily goal is going to the gym. My monthly goal is going on a fun trip somewhere (last month Guadalajara, this month: road trip thru Mexico... next month I'll be too tired to roll out of my bed haha) Keep focus on your goals and you will acquire a sense of control, a sense of mission... Control is very important when you are in a fragile state of mind... breakups are nightmares because we can't control the other person's actions, we can't make them do what we want them to do. Right now we can only control our lives, so we better start doing it Anyway, I dont know what I just said, but I said something... Hope it makes sense... Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 Day 18. Wow, that suddenly seems like a big number. TJ: You have proven how much I really do need to practice my Spanish...Entiendo mucho pero...yeah, I can't really say anything in return. Hi Boston! The same happens to me with German... I have made several failed attempts to take classes... but right now is the perfect time to learn something new! After one of my breakups, I started taking Salsa lessons and going to the gym... so now I dance salsa OK and Im not skinny anymore... Sounds like a good idea to learn Spanish, Boston... besides, traveling is great and opens up your mind... Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted February 8, 2007 Share Posted February 8, 2007 day 33..just school and being busy with it. right now i finally have time to take a nap lol. its great so far i haven't seen nor bumped into the ex at school. wellz time to take a nap and i'll be sure to update this later. Link to comment
Shady_Milkman Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Day 3: Alright, today is going a bit more smoothly than yesterday. Momentary weakness prompted me to write this now, as it made a big difference in how I felt yesterday. I've noticed my emotional state is quite fragile, and if nothing else, it is drainingly annoying. I got a bit of great personal news yesterday- this weekend is the all-star weekend for college hockey, and I found out I was elected by the league to take part in the game- definitely an honor. After I heard the news, it was almost like I couldn't not be excited to the point of giddiness (how manly haha)... needless to say I slept with a smile on for the first time in a few weeks. That continued for most of the day today as well, until something seemingly trivial triggered my depressed emotions (mostly because I didn't have my ex to share the good news with), which is where I'm at currently. Really, I'm annoyed by the lightswitch mentality of my emotions more than anything else- I feel like I've either been super positive on my outlook, or super negative... I guess I'll have to focus on more and more positive, little by little. The thing that is triggering depressive feelings the most is memories... they keep popping into my head, triggered by almost anything. Naturally, there's alot that reminds me of her, but these "flashbacks" are the biggest hindrance right now, I think. Anyways, thanks for reading, and until tomorrow, S_M Link to comment
Shady_Milkman Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 PS- big thanks to ahhh2jz for the kind words, means a lot. S_M Link to comment
Brill Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Today is officialy day 2 for me for NC. thanks for the support and Blessings for success to all of you. Bri Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I dont particularly like U2, but I like what this song says: STUCK IN A MOMENT By: U2 I'm not afraid of anything in this world There's nothing you can throw at me that I haven't already heard I'm just trying to find a decent melody A song that I can sing in my own company I never thought you were a fool But darling, look at you You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight These tears are going nowhere, baby You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it Don't say that later will be better now you're stuck in a moment And you can't get out of it I will not forsake, the colours that you bring But the nights you filled with fireworks They left you with nothing I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me I still listen through your ears, and through your eyes I can see And you are such a fool To worry like you do I know it's tough, and you can never get enough Of what you don't really need now... my oh my You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it Oh love look at you now You've got yourself stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it I was unconscious, half asleep The water is warm till you discover how deep... I wasn't jumping... for me it was a fall It's a long way down to nothing at all You've got to get yourself together You've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it Don't say that later will be better now You're stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it And if the night runs over And if the day won't last And if our way should falter Along the stony pass And if the night runs over And if the day won't last And if your way should falter Along the stony pass It's just a moment This time will pass Link to comment
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