Parsley Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 The thing is...I know I miss him, I miss him so much...but he also played me for such a fool how can I even consider trying to win him back? This man ignored me, knew I was questioning my own sanity over him and let me, promised me everything was ok then broke up with me a week later, then said he would answer my questions, and hasn't spoken to me since. How can I possibly want to be with him? And I also *know* that he wouldn't consider it for a moment. You know, it's just one of those things you're certain of. I know the reason he hasn't contacted me is because he doesn't miss me and I don't cross his mind at all anymore. I've seen him just dispose of a friend he didn't like anymore, and that's what has happened with me. Is there any way to stop myself wanting him like this when I know there's no point? Link to comment
andreap Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 o.k., quick post. Today makes day 35 of NC for me!! Day 19 of the challenge!! Past few days have been rough....I keep wondering what he is doing and all that garbage. I have also been very angry w/ him....don't know why....just constantly reminding myself of all the hurtful things he did to me that forced me to leave him in the first place...and the many things he con't to do to me (lies and hurtful words) after I left and while we were "attempting " to reconcile a few times....ugg!!! But, if I can hold my ground and keep the NC momentum going....all of you can!! Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Anti depressants can help TJ. I've been taking them since the time before last when we split up and i'm sure that they are part of the reason that i don't feel as bad as i have done before. Make sure you see you doctor regularly if you are gonna take them and don't expect them to work overnight. I'd recommend looking into the SSRI group rather than the tricyclic ones, less side effects and they mess with your sleep pattern less. It's possible that your doctor will also recommend that you see a therapist in conjunction with any medication that you might take. I know people are funny about anti depressant medication, but it can help. shoes Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Im considering taking anti-depressants to get me through the bad days... what does everybody think about that? I know they dont solve internal issues, but also dwelling in my feelings for my ex don't solve anything either and just make me feel like rubbish... I think that if you're depressed anti-depressants can definitely help. After my break-up I got extremely depressed, saw a psychiatrist and realized that I was depressed even before the break up. I'm on anti-depressants and it's definitely helped a ton. But also realize that the anti-depressants aren't magic...I was really depressed and now I'm at the stage of a somewhat-depressed person still getting over a break up. And I still do dwell in the feelings of what happened, but now I don't wake up with the "ugh, i wish it were night so I wouldn't have to go through today" feeling. If you think they might help you, definitely check it out. And I strongly suggest therapy for everyone on here. I was always really hesitant about it, but I've found that it has helped me a lot. Hope that helps, TJ. Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Anti depressants can help TJ. I've been taking them since the time before last when we split up and i'm sure that they are part of the reason that i don't feel as bad as i have done before. Make sure you see you doctor regularly if you are gonna take them and don't expect them to work overnight. I'd recommend looking into the SSRI group rather than the tricyclic ones, less side effects and they mess with your sleep pattern less. It's possible that your doctor will also recommend that you see a therapist in conjunction with any medication that you might take. I know people are funny about anti depressant medication, but it can help. shoes Yeah, definitely agree with everything here. I'm on a different type (not SSRI or tricyclic) and have found that it's worked whereas SSRIs made me feel like a walking zombie. I had given up on them after that, but I'm feeling that for me right now I've found the right one. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 On another note. I just found a one line email from my ex. It was sent last week to an account she knows i only use for junk and work related emails. All it said was that she just remembered that i had a book of hers (the first thing she ever gave me) and could i send it back. I have no urge to reply, only to throw the book in the trash. She told me when she sent it that it was her favourite book and that she wanted me to have it. That makes it mine to do with as i wish, right? I'm sure that she's sat waiting for it to come in the mail, like the money i told her i would be returning to her. i now have no desire to send either to her. shoes Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Ok Parsley, please try this next excercise: Take several sheets of blank paper and a pen, and write a letter to your ex telling him all the bad things he did to you, tell him how he made you feel, what you have been thru all this time, and how you think you deserve to be treated. Use the language you need to use, its ok to ask questions, its ok to curse at him. In another piece of paper, make a list of all the bad things your ex has, and also the positive things. Analyze if in the long run, the bad things would make your life miserable. After you are done, keep both letters and read them out loud when you feel the need to call him or feel that you need him or miss him. When we are apart, its easy to remember the good things about the relationship and forget the bad ones... so this keeps balance in your mind... I have done it before and it shure helps. I used to write a farewell letter that I would never send, its helps with closure if the ex doesnt want to talk to you... I havent done it this time, I should! Hope it helps! Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 On another note. I just found a one line email from my ex. It was sent last week to an account she knows i only use for junk and work related emails. All it said was that she just remembered that i had a book of hers (the first thing she ever gave me) and could i send it back. I have no urge to reply, only to throw the book in the trash. She told me when she sent it that it was her favourite book and that she wanted me to have it. That makes it mine to do with as i wish, right? I'm sure that she's sat waiting for it to come in the mail, like the money i told her i would be returning to her. i now have no desire to send either to her. shoes Yup, that's your book... Keep it or throw it away. It's childish to ask for something she gave you as a gift... as for the money, I dont know, it depends if you owe it to her. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Yeah, definitely agree with everything here. I'm on a different type (not SSRI or tricyclic) and have found that it's worked whereas SSRIs made me feel like a walking zombie. I had given up on them after that, but I'm feeling that for me right now I've found the right one. Any particular preferred brands, or brands to avoid? (so I know what my doctor is prescribing me). Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Tijuana - Thank you so much. I will most definitely do that tomorrow (today actually ten past one in the morning) I've learnt the therapy of writing to people many times...I don't know why I haven't used it more now. I was considering giving the password to the email account he would send to to one of my close friends, then getting them to change it, and saying to only ever check it once a week and only tell me if he had contacted me. I think that way I could really force myself not to keep looking at it and in the end it just wouldn't matter. What do you think? It's just not checking it is easier said than done. I guess I'm going to be the one that is a 'bit weird' about anti-depressants. I've known a few people on them and people who've known people etc., and I've heard that though they do make you feel better, and even if you don't get many side-effects...at some point or another you'll have to come off them, and they've found that the worst part of all. I'm kinda worried that it might have a sort of placebo effect on your feelings regarding the break up, so that when you do stop them...feelings that you've just hidden would return? I don't know from experience like others do, but I hope you think about it very carefully. shoes - if she said it was yours - it's yours. If she'd said she was lending it to you, fair enough asking for it back, but otherwise it's just childish. I would never dream of asking my exes to give back presents I had given them. Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I was considering giving the password to the email account he would send to to one of my close friends, then getting them to change it, and saying to only ever check it once a week and only tell me if he had contacted me. I think that way I could really force myself not to keep looking at it and in the end it just wouldn't matter. What do you think? It's just not checking it is easier said than done. Parsley Sounds elaborate (lol) but its definitely worth to try if you think it will make you feel better. Just make a pact with your friend, so she won't give you the new password until a certain date or certain event, no matter what. Everyday I have to struggle with myself about looking into myspace... So far I have spent two days off MSN, Myspace and Hi5... and let me tell you, I dont notice any difference (negative ones, I mean). In fact, I feel more at ease... Last sunday I even deleted all my info from myspace and photos, I just left a photo of me smiling. With this I pretend to vanish from the net and stop feeding my ex with info about my activities. I dont want her to know anything about me, I dont want to know anything about her. Every bit of info I get has the potential of hurting me or making me doubt or question myself or trying to decipher what is going thru her head. Im just tired of feeling bad and thinking about someone who dumped me. Sometimes I wish I could run away from it all, but hey, life goes on, with or without the exes. Link to comment
comfyshoes Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I don't owe her the money! She owes me thousands! I was referring to $1700 that she she gave me out of guilt the last time i went to visit her and she dumped me. It was supposed to reimburse me for her 'mistakes'. Makes me feel like she is trying to buy my forgiveness. I just want to set fire to it! shoes Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Any particular preferred brands, or brands to avoid? (so I know what my doctor is prescribing me). Well, chances are your doctor would prescribe an SSRI first, something like Zoloft. Those work really well for a ton of people but as with any meds they have can have side effects, but those really really vary from person to person. I don't think there are any particular brands/types to avoid or to ask for. Anti-depressants are kind of a guessing game and definitely individual. The doctor would prescribe what he/she thinks is most likely to work and if that doesn't seem to alleviate the symptoms in 4-6 weeks (they can take a while to work...and most docs will have you wait it out to see if it ends up having an effect), then the doc will change to another med. (I finally got lucky and got one that does work...for me). As Parsley says, the issues will definitely still be there even if you are on anti-depressants, but if you think you are depressed then it might be helpful. I say that you should talk to your doc about it. If the doc agrees that you're depressed you can go from there Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I don't owe her the money! She owes me thousands! I was referring to $1700 that she she gave me out of guilt the last time i went to visit her and she dumped me. It was supposed to reimburse me for her 'mistakes'. Makes me feel like she is trying to buy my forgiveness. I just want to set fire to it! shoes Then dont give the money back... dont burn it either! Keep it, save it, or buy yourself some new clothes or a membership to the gym... let her deal with her feelings of guilt anyway she wants, and if her way of doing it is by giving back what she owes to you, better!... Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 at some point or another you'll have to come off them, and they've found that the worst part of all. I'm kinda worried that it might have a sort of placebo effect on your feelings regarding the break up, so that when you do stop them...feelings that you've just hidden would return? I don't know from experience like others do, but I hope you think about it very carefully. Yeah coming off them can be an issue but shouldn't be if the doctor is careful and does it very slowly. It is a bit daunting to come off them ("will i still feel ok?") if you've been on them long-term. In terms of the feelings being hidden and then returning....i wish feelings were hidden. But they're not so I'm definitely still dealing with the same issues/feelings as before. But the depression feelings that I had and the feelings I had from the break up were different in terms of depth. Depression can be really debilitating(spelling?), and I feel like now, yes, I'm really upset, etc, but I don't mind waking up anymore. Wow, I've posted a lot about this! I guess I've done so much thinking about this stuff that I have lots to say Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 and now for something completely different.... I posted yesterday that I was rethinking where my life is going (had been planning to become a doctor, I'm in a master's program for it now, have an interview on Thursday) but yesterday I suddenly started having second thoughts about all that. And pretty much everything in my life the past 4 years was dedicated to getting into medical school (the jobs, the volunteering, etc). I felt like I knew myself for 4 years (and I don't think that I lost myself during the relationship)...but the fact that I'm thinking it now just surprises me a ton. Anyone else feel like they suddenly start rethinking their life after a break-up? Did you change your life direction at all? Any thoughts on this? Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Thanks to all of you! I think I might just wait a few days before I decide if I should go on meds... Im about to start going to the gym, and excercise is the natural way of releasing the feel-good hormones (don't remember if they are called endorphines or dopamines)... so maybe I can get thru this the natural way... I guess there arent any magical pills that can make you forget about an ex haha Link to comment
TijuanaJones Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 and now for something completely different.... I posted yesterday that I was rethinking where my life is going (had been planning to become a doctor, I'm in a master's program for it now, have an interview on Thursday) but yesterday I suddenly started having second thoughts about all that. And pretty much everything in my life the past 4 years was dedicated to getting into medical school (the jobs, the volunteering, etc). I felt like I knew myself for 4 years (and I don't think that I lost myself during the relationship)...but the fact that I'm thinking it now just surprises me a ton. Anyone else feel like they suddenly start rethinking their life after a break-up? Did you change your life direction at all? Any thoughts on this? I think its only natural... I was thinking about moving to another city... but then I realized I have done it before, I moved out of town to "escape" from myself. I would recommend you didnt make life-changing decisions right now, I wouldnt even consider getting a bold haircut Sometimes the feeling of emptiness makes us want to change our lifes dramatically to feel in control of our lives again... Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 I think its only natural... I was thinking about moving to another city... but then I realized I have done it before, I moved out of town to "escape" from myself. I would recommend you didnt make life-changing decisions right now, I wouldnt even consider getting a bold haircut Sometimes the feeling of emptiness makes us want to change our lifes dramatically to feel in control of our lives again... Yeah, I'm definitely not going to change anything for now. And I'm going to go through that interview as if I still have all the confidence in the world that it's what I want to do. I find it difficult to figure out if these thoughts are a result of the break up or a result of just needing to think about it more. Ugh, so frustrating to have this come up now Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Princess: I am checking in on ya. How is it going today? How are ya feeling? I know it is rough the first few days alone. Believe me. I hate it and still cannot bring myself to sleep in our bed. I keep thinking that she is probably sleeping with him in their bed and it really kills my heart. There is no explaining how much pain and fear there is. I am glad I have you guys to go through it with, even though I wish we didn't have to. Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Boston23: I too have started thinking about everything in my life. I am unsure of what I want to do. I just don't want to start something again and not finish it. I am thinking though, that I should look at it differently. I can look at starting something different, as an experience... BTW, I have been rethinking everything. Link to comment
boston23 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 well, it's nice to see that it's not just me who's going through this... thanks! I guess it's just another layer to add on top of all the stuff that I'm already having to deal with. need2bme: are you thinking about changing careers? everything? just looking at everything differently? Link to comment
TonyMar75 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Hey, Boston. Just wanted to say hello and that it's natural and expected that you would look at your life in a whole new way after a breakup. Do lots of thinking but don't make rash decisions until you feel confident you've had time to heal. Link to comment
rsxguy520 Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 DAY19 update... OMG! my day has just gotten better!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally heard from the transfer school i applied to SDSU! and i got in! for the fall 07!! so one more semester of CSUN and im out!!! YEAHHH!!!!! i guess when you think you lose something good, in my case my ex, the rewards are far more better! a better future for myself!!! wow, my day was going well, but it has just gotten even better!! YAY!!! omg... thats right, my ex left oh well. but now my future to succedd is gonna be far better, hey maybe i'll meet someone new, or even someone better. theres what like at least thousands and thousands of girls at that school WOW!!! ok..thats enough...i'll post tomorrow!!! this nc challenge has brought nothing but regreat rewards for myself. thank you! Link to comment
ahhh2jz Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 DAY19 update... OMG! my day has just gotten better!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally heard from the transfer school i applied to SDSU! and i got in! for the fall 07!! so one more semester of CSUN and im out!!! YEAHHH!!!!! i guess when you think you lose something good, in my case my ex, the rewards are far more better! a better future for myself!!! wow, my day was going well, but it has just gotten even better!! YAY!!! omg... thats right, my ex left oh well. but now my future to succedd is gonna be far better, hey maybe i'll meet someone new, or even someone better. theres what like at least thousands and thousands of girls at that school WOW!!! ok..thats enough...i'll post tomorrow!!! this nc challenge has brought nothing but regreat rewards for myself. thank you! RSX guy dude that is great to hear bro! are u nursing major? i was gonna apply to CSUN but i found out u needed a license already. Good luck to you! things are going great for me too! I just hope this streak continues for those who are still struggling in the NC just keep pressing forward Link to comment
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