fiffy Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Babes read my thread in breaking up that starts... vindicitve ex. I wrote recently about some help I received off my therapist after my ex would say i miss you and then turn it around on me. It might help you gain some insight I know it did for me. After you've read it I will be here for you if you need to talk/ask questions. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Fiffy, thank you sweetie, i've just ready your post and can totally relate to the majority of things. Like they feel guilty so try to dump the blame on us so it eases that for them. These men are total jerks. I don't want him back at all, but the ache is here now I've felt sick all day, haven't eaten or anything. This will make me more determined to move on, don't let the bastards grind you down!!! Where did you find a therapist? I don't think i need to, just wondering though x Link to comment
cas Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Now it's NC all the way, babes. You got your money back, and you realized for certainty that this guy is a jerk. So this happening was not that bad. Good for you to agree never to speak to each other again! Hugs to you, babes! 11th day of NC, I think. Tomorrow it'll be broken though - christmas party awaits. I'm a bit nervous about how it'll work out. I'm sure I will end up getting very drunk telling her that I miss her. I'm anxious about what she will say. But I know I'll be okay.. Link to comment
fiffy Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Hey babes, I totally understand the sick can't eat feeling. I have hardly eaten in two weeks and lost half a stone this week. Food just repulses me I even throw up- mainly in the morning when I wake up thinking of him. I really do understand what your going through. I was so against therapy etc before all this but I got so low with all the abuse I was suicidal constantly. My therapist practices nlp and has trained with paul mckenna and richard bandler. He is so good. The first five weeks I didn't feel like anything was happening but the last 2 have seen a miraculous change in my persona and well being. I only have suicidal thoughts maybe once a week now. I would really recommend seeing someone. It will help you now so you will be so strong when the next guy comes along. It will help you to understand yourself and your needs and what you need to watch out for. If I can talk to a therapist anyone can- i was so against it all to start but completely desperate. It was my last resrt and it is working. Keep strong we are all here for you xxxxxxxx Link to comment
fiffy Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Feeling a bit crap thinking about how he is probably out now with his perfect new girlfriend. How they are happy and having fun. Life is so cruel Link to comment
cas Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Feeling a bit crap thinking about how he is probably out now with his perfect new girlfriend. How they are happy and having fun. Life is so cruel Oh, I know how you're feeling, fiffy. Go out and do something to get your mind off of it. Go out for a walk or something. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Thank you Cas and Fiffy, really means a lot and helps to have someone who understands. This needs to be done now, i hate him for what he's done to me, time to start thinking about me now xx Link to comment
Clabs Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Hi Babes Darling - you have to keep away from him, for your own sanity. All this is just dragging you down and making you ill. How long are you gonna let it go on for? Come on - we are here to support you but you know over and over and over what the results are when you reply to him. Mark Link to comment
fiffy Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 babes we are always here for you just as you are here for us. Keep strong ill be here for a while if you need to talk xxxxxxxxxx Link to comment
Clabs Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Feeling a bit crap thinking about how he is probably out now with his perfect new girlfriend. How they are happy and having fun. Life is so cruel Fiffy - that is quite enough of that talk. Whilst he is abusing someone else, maybe he will leave you alone, eh? Mark Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 21, 2008 Share Posted November 21, 2008 Hi Babes Darling - you have to keep away from him, for your own sanity. All this is just dragging you down and making you ill. How long are you gonna let it go on for? Come on - we are here to support you but you know over and over and over what the results are when you reply to him. Mark I know hun, i'm letting it go, i did otherwise i would've agreed to get back with him. It is making me ill though, not letting it go on for any longer xx Thank you fiffy xx Link to comment
jennamajig Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 It's midnight, so I've hit Day 7. And actually right now, I'm feeling pretty good. Could just be because I am tired and vegging on the couch after an evening with a friend. We'll see what the morning really brings. Link to comment
fiffy Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Day 6 Starting to feel really strong and proud of this achievement. I am still getting upset intermitantly but generally i feel much better this week. In fact I think this is the most calm week in 6 months. Still have pangs where i pine for him soooooooooo bad. I dream I am with him everynight and wonder about what he is doing. Its such a shame that there are bad people in this world and just because a relationship ends they need to destroy you. I read somewhere that a relationship break up is a battle. The other person never wants you to win, suceed and get over them. SO that is exactly what you must do. Fight until you have forgotton what you are fighting about. I also read that if you do something consistently for one month your mind will start to change its perceptive, so I am hoping by the end of thirty days I will have stopped thinking about this guy. Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Well done fiffy, you're doing really, really well and should feel proud of yourself. Day 1 for me today, feel a bit blah but just going to try and eat breakfast. Looked at myself in the mirror this morning and it's shocking how much weight i've lost, never been a big person anyway, size 8-10 so really can't afford to lose anymore!! Shall update at the end of the day xx Link to comment
crab62 Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 day 7 for me! last time I talked to him was a week ago when he called to cancel tentative dinner plans we had made to talk about the break-up...blah!! i'm glad he cancelled, i figured he would... just another way for him to hurt me... which is when I decided to start NC... cause I am better than his hurt... I am... and I'm getting better day by day for sure!! last night I picked up all my break-up books and put them in the closet... I'm sick of looking at them and sick of thinking about him, yuck. I printed out a picture of him and his exgirlfriend talking at a bike race of his this past summer. She was always there... where he was... I was so sick of it. She caused a whole bunch of grief for us in June (when he walked out the first time)...and I hung the picture on my fridge to remind me of how awful I felt being around the two of them. Something was just not right with him and her... and I know it... and I don't ever have to live with that knawing gut feeling again... I don't ever have to walk on eggshells around him again when it comes to her... it made me so sick what I put up with this summer with him and her... ugggh. Anyway, I'm rambling... but I'm doing good. Extremely proud that I've made it to 7 days NC... okay... I gotta go to work on a Sat... yuk... but then I should be grateful I have a job and that's it's not the Sat two weeks ago when he walked out... cause I was a mess... and I'd never be able to make it to work... so thank goodness I can get up and feel pretty darn good about my day... amen to that!=D> Link to comment
Mhaira Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Bad day today. I'm really missing him and kind of wishing he had been horrible or treated me badly, so that it would at least be somewhat easier to think that I am better off without him. Link to comment
jennamajig Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Bad day today. I'm really missing him and kind of wishing he had been horrible or treated me badly, so that it would at least be somewhat easier to think that I am better off without him. Oh, I understand your situation as I am the same boat. Missing him a bit this morning as well, but I am actually doing a little better than I thought. I am going to try and get some things done. Next week is Thanksgiving, which is hard, but I will be with family. If I can get through that, I know I will be okay. Still day 7. Link to comment
fiffy Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Sometimes I just miss hearing his voice and just want a friendly chit chat but i know that will never happen; this along with his new girlfriend stops me from calling but sometimes I really want to. I just finished reading the book 'don't call that man' its quite helpful in times of desperate need so i would reccommend it Link to comment
babes23 Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 I'm a mess, i hate him but feel i can't move on from this pain, hurt and humiliation, it hurts and don't see a way out Link to comment
Clabs Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 Aw Babes. I am sorry you are so down but you can do this. Do you wanna hold yourself in this crappy place forever? If you don't give yourself a chance then you won't have a chance. The way out is to let go of that crappy relationship - grieve it but know that you WILL get better again. If you don't see a way out of being so miserable, how do you intend to carry on being so miserable? Maybe you will be the first millionth poster on ENA. Sorry darling - not trying to make light of your heart - just know you will get through this eventually - eventually you will just get fed up with feeling crap and do something about it. Mark Link to comment
Robert013 Posted November 22, 2008 Share Posted November 22, 2008 I'm a mess, i hate him but feel i can't move on from this pain, hurt and humiliation, it hurts and don't see a way out i am feeling a bit down also but I have plans for tonight. You need to go and be with a friend or family. Sometimes it seems like there is not a way out but it will happen if you allow it to. Feelings this strong that many of us hear on ENA do not just fade away over night. it shows that we have caracter, and are deeply loving people. Would you want to be any other way? No this is who we are sweetheart. Those who love the most also hurt the most. This will make us stronger, and just believe that there is someone some wonderfull person out there that is also looking for you. We just have not found them or are blind right now to see them. This to shall pass. Stay strong and heal. Link to comment
thedude27 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 This to shall pass. Lol my ex says that all the time..gee thanks man...haha Well this is so cheap but its Day 3 for me. The little $hit had to ruin it exactly on day 30 by calling me from some number I didnt recognize about a work question. Thats the first time she has initiated any contact on her own in 3.5 months. Didnt set me back at all, as it was just 'work' and at this point I can live without her in my life. I'm used to it now. Anyway back to start again. Not that it matters, I can do NC standing on my head at this point. Things have changed a lot with my attitude in the last two weeks for me. I'm more amused to see what she does than interested in hearing from her. Of course I still have feelings for her, but I feel like I can live without her in my life forever if need be. Link to comment
cas Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Yup, I screwed up again. Nothing has changed. Day 1 of NC. Link to comment
shan33 Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 I am in..... I saw him 2 days ago and it was so hard. We broke up 3 months ago and it feels like it happened yesterday. So i am taking this challenge and going for the NC and working on myself. think we all have to take care of number one as our respective exes have probably made it clear they cant and wont take care of us!! I'm in!!! Day 1. xxxxxx Link to comment
fiffy Posted November 23, 2008 Share Posted November 23, 2008 Babes, I have felt how you feel for the last 6 months. It is hard and most days I haven't wanted to live but even though there is pain this last week of acceptance and posting on here I have felt so much stronger. All suicidal feelings have vanished and I feel the pain has eased. I can't believe I am on day 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I used to look at people on higher numbers and think 'wow how do they do it'. I never thought I would be one of those people! Also does anyone have any reading suggestions on neediness or clingy behaviour? Link to comment
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