THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[TAB1234]

I'm on day 7 today. I thought I was on day 5, but I checked my texts and the last time I initiated contact was on the 1st of January. Since then I've gotten 2 text messages from her and each one I promptly deleted. However I've over analyzed them and lost sleep, thinking "Why would she be texting me inside joke things we used to have while with her new BF? Is there a chance she'll come back one day." I did briefly check her facebook yesterday to see if anything was new. It only hurt and now I have to work at not doing that.

 

I hate facebook 'cos you can't help checking what they're upto everyday, whether they've added any new friends etc....+ that pic staring at you!!

[bostoneric]

any opinions?

my last few posts

 

today is ~13days or so. yesterday was the day we were supposed to leave for our 10 cruise together. I was thinking of proposing to her on the cruise!!!

this is going to be a long hard week for me. i've really started to push my new life fwd. actively searching for a new place to call home, new job.. still waiting on my box of work clothes to show from the ex. almost 13 days since i emailed her what i needed.

 

why was it so easy for her to move on to another relationship before we were even done?!?!!?!??

why is this new girl of hers staying in my house now!! I want our bed, but not the mattress anymore...

 

keep strong everybody, we all have our hard times during this!

 

email i just received about my package!

 

oh * * * * ! i have the receipt here, it says "expected delivery date: Mon. Jan. 7th" which is today.

the tracking number is : XXXXXXXXX with UPS

do you have job interviews lined up?

how was your Christmas and New Years?

are you staying in LA?

 

why does she insist on asking me these questions?

 

just got an email back from ex after I sent "package arrived thanks"

 

her email

 

"why aren't you answering any of my questions????"

 

how can i clearly say because it hurts still????

 

back to day zero for me.

 

ok i gave in and sent an email back to her.

 

its not that I want you out of my life (furthest thing from my mind), its just well, heartbreak/healing is not easy nor does it happen quickly for me. I'm not healed enough to just be friends yet, but with time I have no doubt we can connect again. I just need to take it slow right now.

 

her reply:

i understand, i just care about you and i want to make sure you are okay.

i know we will be friends and i know it will take time. i just want you to be happy.

i will always be here if you need anything.

star*

 

my reply:

thanks for understanding..

you are very special!

 

her reply:

so are you.

 

my reply:

I hope you mean that!

now i'm smiling but have tears!!!!

 

her reply:

of course i do!

no tears, though, only smiles.

 

my reply:

i cant help but have tears!!!!!! you know that about me.

 

her reply:

i know, i'm a cryer too!!

so are you staying in LA? do you have a job interivew?

if you had stayed in Portland you would have hated it. it has rained non-stop for 2 months. its really * * * * ing depressing.

 

my rerply:

LA seems like my best option right now. i've found out i have some true friends here who've done so much for me during this hard time. i cant thank them enough.

no interviews scheduled yet, i've been delaying a few waiting for my suit.

yeah i've noticed the weather there. weather there was the least of my problems.

I really did love that city thanks to you sharing it with me.

 

ok i'm going out with the guys for dinner..

i hope you understand how i feel still, even a month later its not much easier.

i care about you greatly.

 

i hope you only have beautiful memories of me!!!

 

talk to you again soon...

eric.

 

 

 

and that was the end of the conversation...

 

opinions??

[hockeyboy]

I don't think you should have caved, but you did...so now I'd say start with NC again

[iwillbefine]

I'm not counting that email because I wasn't trying to talk to him....I just needed to tell him not to come to my house anymore. So...19. I'm doing a lot of work on myself. I miss him so much, but I'm starting to wonder why we were ever together in the first place. I would love to hear more about this "relief period" a few people have written about. I have been both the dumper and dumpee several times in my life, and I know it exists...I think the time is always when one gets over the other.

[Edd]

Day 2 for me. I think I've a ways to go yet.

[gunpoint6]

I'm on Day 2 now, I will have to only see her on Friday for volleyball, that is it. I wish I didn't have to but I'm not going to quit because of her. She did call me yesterday to tell me she is not going to buy my car, something we spoke about awhile back. It was a short brief convo, she asked me what I was up to but I kept it brief. Just like many people on here, everytime that phone rings I still hope its her and when I do see her name I get so overly excited but its never to hear what I want to hear. The funny thing is how when we were together I took that for granted and sometimes didnt even answer if I was busy and just called back. How i wish I can take those back.

[samantha20]

Everything's just been shaken up for me and I don't know what to do. I've alluded to this part of my story because after we got back together the first time, I found out that her and a small group of her friends went to visit another friend and that one of those friends was the guy that she kissed and that wants to be with her. When I found out she told me that she was only going with him as a friend, and that she would never cheat on me.

 

I've just found out from someone I know, who's boyfriend went on this visit, that he was told on the trip that my ex and the guy that likes her were a couple. If that's true then that means that my ex was going out with me and this guy at the same time! She broke up with me about a week later, which makes me think it was for him. She's been adament for the last few weeks that nothing is going on between them and that they're just friends. Now I don't know whether to think that

 

a) she was 2 timing me with that guy but now isn't with either of us

b) she was 2 timing me with him, broke up with me and is still with him now and lying to me about it

c) the person that informed me about it just got it wrong

 

I don't know how to find out the truth. I text her saying 'did you really think I wouldn't find out that you cheated on me?!' but she hasn't replied. So now I'm thinking that she's probably still trying to figure out what she can say to get out of it, because if it isn't true surely she would have replied straight away that it's bull.

 

This has really set me back and is really hurting me. she told me only last night (when I cracked and spoke to her) that she and this guy aren't together. I really need to know the truth but don't know how to find out. I feel absolutely crushed all over again. It's just changed all my conceptions about why we broke up and now i don't know if it's because she was cheating on me and wanted to be with him or if that's not true and it's just because she doesn't have feelings for me anymore.

 

I don't know how to get her to admit it if it's true. I know the reasons behind us breaking up don't change the fact that we broke up but her cheating on me changes everything. I thought that after a while of nc then maybe if my feelings for her had gone then we could be friends again and I could forgive the fact that she kept picking me up and putting me down my putting it down to genuine confusion. But I can't forgive her cheating on me. I need to know the truth so that I can prepare myself for them being together when I get back to town, and find out whether I've just lost my best friend for good. I haven't felt this low since we broke up. I feel like a complete mess again.

[samantha20]

the fact that she isn't replying is making it so much more frustrating!!

[samantha20]

I haven't hurt this much since the day she dumped me. She has still not replied, which I take to mean that it is true she cheated on me and has nothing to say. She's probably with him right now. Can't stop crying..

[bostoneric]

I'm so sorry. but like I'm learning and many others have said.

 

its hurts a lot but do you really want somebody in your life with such low morals and values?

 

i'm struggling with the same feelings....

[flyoffthewall]

A couple of weeks ago i met a girl while out with friends, she gave me her # and we talked once since then. I'd like to go out with her, but at times I'm so sad I don't know if I would be able to have a good time. Shes cute and nice, but I don't want to be out and then start thinking of my ex and cause me to be a bad date. She doesn't deserve that.

 

I just may get myself in the right mindset this week and call her. Maybe a little help from you guys can help.

 

If the ex is dating already, why can't I !

 

If you are in the right mindset, go for it! Just make sure that it is what you want before you do it. I've made the mistake of trying to date too soon, and have ended up sending mixed signals and blowing my chance with a good person. And, that has just sent me back into a funk.

[bettyboo]

Hi SuperDave 71 - my bf and I are on a break and today is day 2 of no contact!!!

 

Wish me luck.

[flyoffthewall]

:splat:

uggh, back to the start again. When I've done five days I'll report back.

 

Oh, no! Well, to put a positive spin on it -- that was the longest you've gone in NC, wasn't it?

 

Day 25 for me. This week has been a bit up and down for me. The last time I spoke to my girlfriend she said that there "was no point" to us keeping in touch, though we were together for two years. Over the weekend she sent me an invitation to get an e-mail address from a free e-mail site. I don't know what to make of that. Is she fishing in some random way to see if I will contact her? Was it her way of letting me know that her e-mail address has changed, just so I will keep in touch? Of course, no way to know. Just something to torture me while I am in bed at night trying to fall asleep.

 

I saw a mutual friend tonight who said that he saw her the other day. It was the first time I heard any news about her. It made me feel a little sick with longing for her. I really don't want to see her or hear anything about her, especially with so little closure.

 

At least my friends have been there for me more this week.

 

Good luck, Titch, with your first day of NC.

[samantha20]

She finally rang me last night. She wouldn't answer any of my questions until I had told her exactly what I knew, which makes me think she was trying to get her story straight. Anyway I told her that someone that went on the trip with her and this guy told me that they were a couple then, which means she was 2 timing me. She kept denying it and saying that they must have got the wrong end of the stick and jumped to conclusions. I asked her if she was going out with this guy now and she was like 'i've told you over and over we're just friends'. And I said that I didn't believe that when she went out for drinks with him the other night that he didn't try it on with her because I know he really likes her. And she was like 'well I keep turning him down so he's probably got the message by now'. We kept going over it and she kept saying the same thing.

 

Then I said 'so you don't have feelings for him?' then she paused for a long time and said 'ah.' And I was like 'what?? you've been telling me for ages that you don't have feelings for him!!' And she was like 'well I think I do now.' I burst into tears and said 'you're with him aren't you?? please just tell me the truth!!' and then she admitted that she is with him and that the night they went out for drinks he did come on to her and they did stuff and became a couple after that. I said that I didn't believe her and that I think that she's been with him since the beginning of december when they went on that trip, that she was 2 timing me and that that's why she dumped me. It makes sense.

 

Anyway, she kept denying that she was 2 timing me and says that she's only been going out with him a couple of days. I don't believe a word she says anmore. She's spent the last few days swearing that she's just friends with him and doesn't have feelings for him. I was crying really hard and saying I can't believe you lied to me, and she was like 'I just didn't want to break it to you down the phone, I wanted to tell you face to face.' And then she started being nasty and saying 'i'm not obligated to tell you anything.' And I was like 'if you cared about me at all you wouldn't have wanted me to find out from someone else.'

 

Then she was just really matter of fact whilst I was a crying wreck and was just like 'look, I can't help how I feel. I'm sorry i don't want to be with you.' And I was like 'what makes you think I want to be with you either after how you've treated me??' I said that I was upset because when we got back together she swore to me that she wouldn't break up with me again and that she wouldn't want to be with this guy again and she's done both. I actually remember our conversation before xmas when she said that she loved me and wanted to be with me and I said 'we'll see, I bet once I go home for xmas you'll go running back to X and break up with me. I bet by the time I get back after xmas you'll be with him.' And she swore that that would definitely not happen. I said this to her and she was just really cold and said 'that was then, feelings change.'

 

She then went off on one about how she really cares about me, wants to stay my best friend and spend time together when we get back!! She doesn't seem to realise what she's done to me!! I still don't believe that she wasn't 2 timing me, I think that she's been with this guy for weeks. She said that he's coming round today to install her printer, which i was meant to be doing for her this hurts so much. I woke up today and it hit me like a ton of bricks. She's going out with someone else.

 

At the end of our convo she said 'i'll ring you tomorrow, it's up to you if you answer.' I'm not going to answer. I don't see how I can have anything to do with her now. I don't know how I'm going to face going back and working with them both. If I see them together it's gonna kill me. Really don't know how I'm gonna get through this, I'm gonna be so lonely in that town without her. I feel like by not seeing her it's gonna encourage her to spend more time with him. She doesn't deserve my friendship now though. So today is day 1 of SERIOUS nc.

[samantha20]

I had a dream about her last night. I dreamt that she invited me to this theme park with her, and she promised that this guy wouldn't be there and begged me to come. So I was at this theme park with her but she walked off with the group of people that she went on the trip with, including the guy she's now going out with. I was wondering round on my own crying my eyes out and texting her saying 'where are you? I'm so lost and upset.' There was crowds of people everywhere and I couldn't find her anywhere. Eventually I bumped into the guy that she's going out with and he was gloating and saying 'leave her alone, she's with me now, she's been going out with me for ages.' I eventually found her but she didn't care how upset I was or how lost I'd been, she was just staring blankly at me. I walked off alone into the crowd and realised that I had no money, no way of getting home, nothing. I just curled up in a ball and cried my eyes out on the floor.

[titch_p]

Hi Flyoffthewall,

 

Thanks once again for your support.

Regarding your situation it's very confusing and I don't think I'm qualified to give any advice but it seems strange after she is contradicting herself sending by you an invitation to get a free email address when she said there was no point in staying in contact? however people change their minds?

I think it's very hard to try and know what her motives are and I suppose only she knows but it may come out in time possibly?

I'm just trying to focus on work and not think about him too much but then there are those moments when it creeps up on you like when you said you heard about your ex through a mutual friend.

Oh, why ofh why is life so complicated sometimes?](*,)

 

At least you have survived until day 25 and that is pretty amazing

[gunpoint6]

Day 3....I keep going through the I'm ok F it, its over phase and then the sadness comes back and the wanting her back so bad. This truly is an emotional rollercoaster ride. Almost every relationship has two roads that lead out, a rocky road and a smooth walkway. I always seem to be on the rocky road, this one being the worst ever

[czjnkn]

I'm back to day one again. I was up to 2 days!! Wooo, not much to some I know, but it was the longest I had never talked to her. I ignored her im's and phonecalls. I was on the road to starting to accept it, but she called me yesterday and asked that I meet her in the hallway at college to put her lip ring in because she couldn't. I knew it was just a lame excuse to see me probably, but I went. For some reason seeing her that day hurt me as bad as the first day she broke up. Now I keep thinking about her constantly today. Maybe it was the heartfelt whimpering I love you she gave me, who knows.

 

It's hard knowing that she's right on the other side of the hallway and I can't even email her. I know it's the right thing to do though. I have to.

[samantha20]

I got a text today 'hey are you ok?I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. I care about you so much darlin which is why I found it so hard to tell you. I never ever wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry.' I haven't replied and haven't heard from her since. Why would I? I'm pretty sure that she's with her new bf right now. Hearing that she's with him was actually worse than being dumped for some reason. I think maybe because it excludes the possibility of reconciliation, and makes me think that because she has someone else she won't miss me. The thought of her sleeping with him in the bed we used to share makes me want to throw up. This is torture!

[bettyboo]

Day 3 and i just wish he could contact me and tell me what he is thinking.

 

NC is so hard but I am not going to contact him. I have read so many posts on here that stress if you break it, you will push them further away, so I wont.

[flyoffthewall]

I'm just trying to focus on work and not think about him too much but then there are those moments when it creeps up on you like when you said you heard about your ex through a mutual friend.

Oh, why ofh why is life so complicated sometimes?](*,)

 

At least you have survived until day 25 and that is pretty amazing

 

Thanks, yeah, trying to put my energy into other areas right now, too. Bleh.

[MNmike]

I got a text today 'hey are you ok?I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. I care about you so much darlin which is why I found it so hard to tell you. I never ever wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry.' I haven't replied and haven't heard from her since. Why would I? I'm pretty sure that she's with her new bf right now. Hearing that she's with him was actually worse than being dumped for some reason. I think maybe because it excludes the possibility of reconciliation, and makes me think that because she has someone else she won't miss me. The thought of her sleeping with him in the bed we used to share makes me want to throw up. This is torture!

 

I know how you feel. My ex is dating a guy, she did immediately after our break up. It makes me sick. The breaking up was not as bad, but when I found that out I can't even explain how much that hurts. More than anything I have ever felt. Also because I never thought she would do something like that. And it makes me feel like she is gone now forever. Shes moved on, and I'm not even close, I'm still so hurt and sad. Its not fair.

[MNmike]

Day 12

 

I'm a wreck today, feel as bad as I did weeks ago. I'm so tired of feeling miserable. I can't take it much more. Don't know what to do.

 

[Crows]

Well after the aftermath of my ex dumping her abusive bf and being me the first to know about it...... i sent her a text today. Had a couple back and forth then nothing.

 

Even though she needs time from when she broke up with him and poissibly getting back together with me.. im still on pins and needles.

[flyoffthewall]

Day 12

 

I'm a wreck today, feel as bad as I did weeks ago. I'm so tired of feeling miserable. I can't take it much more. Don't know what to do.

 

 

Sorry to hear that you are having a rough day.

 

What do you think you should do?