Online dating - first step in the waters

[Aurian]

Well, like the thread says. I thought I'd give online dating a shot, and registered on link removed yesterday.

 

I haven't bought a subcription yet as I would like to see if I receive any hits or interest. If there seems to be enough activity in my area, then I'll subcribe and participate as a member. If nobody's even looking at my portrait, then I should probably find a different site! There does not seem to be any trial period offer unfortunately. Does this seem like a good plan or is there something I am missing (ie - only members show up on searches)?

[laboheme]

If I remember my first days at link removed correctly, you'll be able to wink at people and receive their winks (and you'll know who the wink is from). However, you'll see that you're receiving email messages, but you won't be able to read them or see who they are from. You'll only be able to start communicating with members once you are a subscriber (at least that's how I remember it). But even if you're not a subscriber, you'll be able to gauge the level of interest based on the number of winks and emails and see if it's worth signing up. I know that once I saw that I had a few emails, I really wanted to find out who they were from and what they said, and was intrigued enough to subscribe.

 

Also, when I signed up and entered in my payment information, I was told that there is a three day trial period...if I ended up not liking what the site had to offer, I could contact them by the end of the third day and get my money back.

[Aurian]

That is how I assumed things would work there... they're a little vague about the "free" portion of things and want you to pay right away. If I do get any interest, I'll keep my eyes open for a trial period offer when I go to pay/subscribe. Thanks laboheme!

 

Kinda hard picking out a good name. Certainly don't want to use my online name on a dating site just in case! I know the usual stuff to avoid (don't mention sex just trying to think of something that works and isn't already taken! My current name seems a tad silly to be honest (I refer to being shy), and the nicknames I have are a bit scary (do YOU want to date "The Dragon Lady"? i thought not). Something to think about...

[afonselaca]

link removed is ok but I've found it is the same guys all the time, at least in my age group. Plus there is no chat function so you get asked for your personal email addy and risk giving out your name if you aren't careful. At least that was a consideration for me. Oh, this one guy I wanted to talk to. I gave my phone number to him and he admitted that he Googled my phone number and knew where I lived and wanted to bring me morning coffee... although really he had my mail drop address... thankfully... but still... buh-bye stalker dude.

 

Some guys realize that you may not be a subscriber, so they will wink and then email. The smart ones anyhow. That way you know somewhat that you just received an email and it likely was from the guy that just winked.

 

Overall, it was okay but one month was enough for me. You can have my old screenname... I'm done with it. kidding, of course LOL

[Aurian]

Well, I set up a "dating" addy just to be safe. I also registered on eHarmony, since there doesn't seem to be much traffic in my area on link removed. (most of my local matches don't seem to be on the site within weeks) I still don't see any trial offers on either site, so I still want to see if any even get any interest before paying.

 

I seem to have quite a few matches on Eharmony, but how would I know they are interested? (I like that eHarmony allows you to search by "activity" though, so they haven't signed up and forgotten about it!) Does eHarmony have something akin to a wink?

[Cardinal]

Eharmony may be sending you matches from a very wide geographical area. link removed would probably have quite a few more participants, local guys that are on there frequently.

 

Have you tried Plentyoffish and okcupid? At least they are both free.

 

Something akin to 'The Dragon Lady' might not be so bad. Anything that stands out will get attention.

[Aurian]

Well, I was considering it because I am a bit nutty about dragons, but a "dragon lady" (look it up) isn't a very nice date My current screen names are a bit blah... I wonder if I should go with Dragon Lady and get attention (and risk being a bit scary) if it means an interesting profile?

 

Acually, I was given about a dozen matches on eHarmony, and they're all local (unless they're all fibbing about their cities

[Budman]

link removed is the best site period, ohh and its FREE too =D

[Aurian]

I'll keep that in mind thanks! I'll just stick with these ones for now, and drop them later if I get no interest. I never even heard of okcupid - I don't think it gets advertised up here.

 

link removed - nobody's even smiling. That's a wee bit sad.

eHarmony seems a bit more promising since there has been some responses.

[GalaxyC]

I put my profile on link removed two months ago and I've had over a thousand views,50 odd winks, and about 20 e'mails. Have you got your photo on match? Not that mine is any good or anything but people take more notice of profiles with a pic.

[Aurian]

Yeah, on Match I have a photo up too and filled out the thingy fully. 50 views, zero winks, zero emails and zero interest in my winks. I also note that the men in my area on my search don't seem to be visiting the site much, so I speculate that despite being advertised, its not popular around here for some reason.

[Aurian]

eHarmony and Lavalife seem busier here. I seem to have a few active matches on eHarmony so far. One asked me out, but it was longer-distance (within 50 miles, but on an island) and he didn't come to the mainland much so I had to turn him down. My last relationship was long-distance and it was a disaster. After 5 years of lies and 5 years of the pain of being apart all the time from someone I loved, I just can't go there again. He was nice and understanding about it though.

[Aurian]

Chats... I know not everyone is comfortable online, but if you do online dating, shouldn't you be able to talk a bit in chat? If a chat is painful, does that mean I should move on, or are perfectly good dates just sucking at chat?

 

(edit - I think its more than just sucking at chat - someone must have helped him with his profile... that was awkward, but I let him down gently)

[afonselaca]

By the chat being painful you mean it was hard to keep a steady conversation rolling? I would say that the first uncomfortable conversation might be understandable. Give the guy another chance, it is only chat after all.

 

On the other hand, if you can't connect conversationally then you can't connect period IMHO.

[Aurian]

I do understand that a first conversation might be a bit awkward, but I do expect a bit back.

 

By painful, I mean 5 minutes to respond with one word. And even when I tried to start a discussion about his favorite hockey team and a game we both watched the night before, I still could only get "yeah", "its cool", "cool",and "X scored a goal"

 

The one question he asked me was why I liked dragons. I gave a thoughtful answer and got:

.

.

.

.

"cool I like dragons too"

"Why?"

.

.

.

.

.

"I dunno Im gonna get a tattoo of one"

"That's neat, some reason why you chose it?"

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"I just think its cool"

 

If I hear cool one more time....

[afonselaca]

LOL

Well, there you have it. You must be intellectually matched to stimulate each other.

 

I don't see much stimulating going on there

[lizziebee]

Well, like the thread says. I thought I'd give online dating a shot, and registered on link removed yesterday.

 

I haven't bought a subcription yet as I would like to see if I receive any hits or interest. If there seems to be enough activity in my area, then I'll subcribe and participate as a member. If nobody's even looking at my portrait, then I should probably find a different site! There does not seem to be any trial period offer unfortunately. Does this seem like a good plan or is there something I am missing (ie - only members show up on searches)?

 

I went on the Harmony and the Match and to tell you the truth all of those psycho tests and the 30 page questionaire kind of bothered me. Then I found Adult Friend Finder. At first, being new to the cyber dating thing, it kind of scared me because the site opens up rather explicitly, but I pushed on and found that it is a very honest way to put yourself out there as you are able to blurb about what you want, who you are etc. in free hand. I did not post a picture and filtered those boys who wanted to show me their, uh, peni, I did get quite the education on the male anatomy though! LOL. Actually, there is a trailer out for a movie with Diane Keaton who accidentally opens Adult Friend Finder and not only does she say the name, they show the website! Pretty funny, had to share that with the bf I met 6 months ago on this very site! Remember to meet cheap on first "look" and beware of females who ask for money! A guy I met on the site told me all of his horror stories and I am glad to say we are friends and he went off the site and stayed MARRIED! Good luck and be careful!

[Aurian]

That sounds a wee bit scary! I have to say, I have not encountered any penis shots yet

 

Yeah, best to have the first meeting somewhere cheap and casual (ah, infamous coffee), that way you haven't lost much if you REALLY don't react well together. I will beware of women asking for money, and of men too, seeing how I am a woman myself