2900 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 i've been talking to this guy for a few weeks. as soon as he got my number he called me everyday. he hasn't call me for 2 days, so i freaked out and called him. convo was fine. now i haven't heard from him today. he usually calls me rite after i get off work. so i'm a little worried because i like him. today is his day off so he has no reason not to call me. his last 2 days off we've spent together. so u guys think he's done w/me??? Link to comment
yahoo2 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Oh geez. Do you have to talk every day? Do you get to breathe? Aren't you dating anyone else? Link to comment
bigheart09 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I think everything is fine....dont freak out. You guys just met so take things slow and easy. Link to comment
2900 Posted January 4, 2007 Author Share Posted January 4, 2007 haha you guys are right. i'm just being stupid and clingy. i know. Link to comment
RegallyBlonde Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 haha you guys are right. i'm just being stupid and clingy. i know. Hey sweetie! You're not being stupid! It can be difficult to take a step back when you're thinking so much about something that it worries you. Just know that there are people out there that are willing to help and listen. Good luck with this guy! Link to comment
afonselaca Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 No, I can see your point. He calls a lot, you get used to it, he stops calling so much, you wonder what's up. It would make it so much easier if they would just call infrequently from the beginning, eh? Be consistent from the start. Link to comment
blender Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Be careful not to read too much into him "not calling" for a few days, and it's also important not to read too much into the fact that he DID call everyday for a bit... neither of them is proof of a negative or a positive, he has a life, he's busy, and for now you are 'projecting all YOUR hopes, dreams, expectations" on to him... be careful that's an emotionally unhealthy thing to do... and it can lead to disappointment... instead make a choice to just be in the moment, and get busy with your own life, and LET HIM make the effort to be contacting you, not the other way around..... breathe.. and know that the MOST ATTRACTIVE thing you can do is to have a full life without him, and to NOT initiate the contact... let him do the "work" guys like to know that have to pursue you to win a chance at your heart..... if you make it too "needy" or "clingy" or 'Hopeful"... well that "pressure" can be sensed, and really you don't need to do that, you're a great girl, trust that you are worthy of a guy who is intentionally respectfully making a choice to contact you, if not, then it's his loss... not yours... Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 A guy I just met is pulling the same garbage. He called every day and then it all stopped. Suddednly, he tells me he has Pneumonia and nothing for almost a week. Then I hear from him in email form telling me he is getting better and we can "hangout" maybe later this week or next week. He gave me 3 days to choose from, no weekend though. I understand he was sick and he does have his daughter part time, but I am starting to think this guy is being rude (and dumb) and our shcedules do not mesh well. In this day and age, we all have a cell phone with us 24-7. I understand that we should leave the guy to do the chasing, and go about our lives, but I think it is plain RUDENESS to ignore people's calls or blow them off, and there is no good enough excuse for that kind of behavior. I say give someone else a chance, and keep your options open........It will be HIS LOSS. Gosh, it is so frustrating how dumb people can be. Link to comment
SexySadie7 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Caligirl, the same thing happened to me too. I've not heard from the guy I was seeing for 2 weeks now! He has ignored two of my phone calls since then and promised to meet up 2 weeks ago, totally blew me off for that and has not called back to apologize (not that he would, he seems pretty clueless as to my feelings) or anything! I even called on New Year's Day to say Happy New Year! I'm pretty fed up with his crap at this point. I agree with ya. If he's going to be this rude, who needs this nonsense? Mine has a young son too, but honestly, he's got a cell phone too. Who doesn't have like 2 minutes out of their whole day just to make a call to say hello now? I don't buy it. I think he's too spineless to say he's not interested or whatever. It sucks cuz I've kissing his backside for weeks now. You would think he would reciprocate and be nice to me. We only went out to eat once too in the whole time we've known each other. It's like he never wants to go out anywhere with me. He even called me once at 1 a.m. while he was out downtown with some friends partying.. but never once asked me to go out and have a drink with him! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 It's called "dating." In the beginning stages some men (most I know) tend to call a lot and what I have found it is better for the woman to pace it - return the calls but keep them very brief unless it is to make or confirm plans - and never say to yourself "he always [insert- calls, emails, texts] every [insert day, hour, etc]" as if it were a pattern - if he does that for a few months sure but a few days, a few weeks, means nothing. Also, I am not sure what "talking to" means - to me, there should be limited talking in the early stages that is not face to face - don't let him have the privilege of hearing your voice without seeing you or else there will be less incentive to make a plan. Just my humble opinion. Finally, I don't think it's "crap" when a guy stops calling early on - it's the reality of dating - if your expectations are realistic (each date can be your last unless you have promised exclusivity and been dating regularly for a month or more) then it won't seem like crap - just normal dating practices. Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Oh SexySadie, I feel your pain!! The way I am taking his silly little signals, is that he is seeing someone else. If that is true, I am not mad, because we never spoke about being exclusive. But blowing me off???? What a chicken!!!! How rude!!! He is not worth my time. That GUY does not deserve your time either. SEE YA GUYS!!!! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Hmmm- why are you being so passive and kissing someone's behind - sounds almost like he is your boss not a potential boyfriend. If he is not treating you like a lady you have a choice to leave - rather than complain about how he is treating you. Of course he should return your calls but do you really want him to be "nice" to you out of some obligation since you have been nice to him or do you want him to desire you and call you because you are on his mind. I think sometimes - if this is the case here, not sure - when women get too sexually intimate early on without exclusivity they expect the guy to act like a boyfriend just based on the sex. That's not fair to the man in my humble opinion. Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Not me, I expect the guy to NOT ACT like my boyfriend, but not be blatently rude and simply return my one phone call. And if you are busy, say so, and I will take that hint. It is very simple, be a nice person, or I walk. I'm not mad, but more pleased with myself for recognizing the "jerk" that came out. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 That's an easy one. A good guy would want you to feel comfortable with the pace and would not want to risk offending you by asking you early on to spend the night and "just cuddle." Your mistake is in calling him a "super nice guy" - how about "super into early sex, guy?" One way to avoid this, in addition to not being so available for all those calls or texts, is to have a busy fulfilling life so that even if you wanted to respond to the constant attention you couldn't - you would not get as attached and you would see if he behaved consistently over time - meaning 6 to 9 months of dating. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Not me, I expect the guy to NOT ACT like my boyfriend, but not be blatently rude and simply return my one phone call. And if you are busy, say so, and I will take that hint. It is very simple, be a nice person, or I walk. I'm not mad, but more pleased with myself for recognizing the "jerk" that came out. But, well, he seems to have "walked" first. Yes, he should return your phone call but would you like him to return it only to say "I'm returning your call to tell you I don't want to date you anymore?" Or are you more comfortable with silence as lack of interest? Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Keep your options open. There are so many fish out there in this big sea! I meet fish all the time... haha!!! Unfortunately, we have the not-so-pleasant duty of deciding who is right for us. Shoot, if they had a machine that tells us yay or nay about a potential date/guy, I would give an arm for it!!! hahahaha (joking) Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 But, well, he seems to have "walked" first. Yes, he should return your phone call but would you like him to return it only to say "I'm returning your call to tell you I don't want to date you anymore?" Or are you more comfortable with silence as lack of interest? I want the cold hard truth. I would be happier. I can handle it. But being a scaredy-cat about it is BAD for him, because if I ever see him again, he gets nothing from me........no smile, no reaction, nothing. And that is because I lost all respect for him as a human being. If he was more honest and up-front, I would respect him more and move along with my tail wagging. Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 Oh yeah, and did I mention that I would tell all my friends and he would need to move??? It's only fair to warn other innocent girls. Link to comment
2900 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 thanks for the responses guys! i feel a little bit better, but i still haven't heard from him. my girlfriend works with him and she told me that he was hanging out with his ex. so, its very likely i wont ever hear from him again. too bad. i liked him too. well his loss. i wish he would've at least let me know what was going on instead of leaving me hanging and guessing, you know? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Oh yeah, and did I mention that I would tell all my friends and he would need to move??? It's only fair to warn other innocent girls. It sounds to me like it is easier for you to be angry at him (in my view you are overreacting to the rudeness of not returning your call) then to accept that he wasn't that into you, and move on. For me, I found it more painful to accept that someone just wasn't that into me than to come up with all the reasons why he was a horrible person but in the long run it was a far better approach because then I could more objectively look at my own behavior (i.e. you could decide that perhaps you were too eager/needy . .. . or not . .. ) and it didn't allow me to generalize that all men are jerks. And, I know you were kidding about the telling all your friends part but think about it - what would you warn - that he might be interested at first, then lose interest early on and he might not return your call if he loses interest? He's done you a favor - he didn't keep you hanging around for months with mediocre interest - this way you can meet other men. Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 thanks for the responses guys! i feel a little bit better, but i still haven't heard from him. my girlfriend works with him and she told me that he was hanging out with his ex. so, its very likely i wont ever hear from him again. too bad. i liked him too. well his loss. i wish he would've at least let me know what was going on instead of leaving me hanging and guessing, you know? EXACTLY!!! Say something. It's not that difficult. I find it very strange that our society has accepted this kind of behavior and we blow it off as "he's just not into you". Okay, I get it, but I am no mind reader. GEEZ!! Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 Angry? No. But I have a very strong "dislike" for men (people) that have no spines and get away with lame excuses to cover their "rude" behavior. Link to comment
CaliGirl77 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 It's okay Batya, you are allowed to have your view. That is why I love enotalone. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 5, 2007 Share Posted January 5, 2007 As for me I might find it rude if someone kept calling me without giving me a fair chance to call back, but that's just me. I also love the different opinions here! Link to comment
2900 Posted January 5, 2007 Author Share Posted January 5, 2007 he called me yesterday nite. so i'm happy that he did. he said he's been having trouble w/his cell phone and wen he called me it was from his cousins phone. it was an akward convo though because i was upset and was trying to sound normal. we only talked for 2 minutes. but i'm glad he called. i feel better now. i hate how guys have so much control over my emotions. the minute i heard his voice on the line i started cheesing. lol... Link to comment
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