SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi I found this forum about a week ago and decided to post. I have been reading a lot about No Contact, and I was wondering exactly what situations doing NC applies? Can it work on someone you are interested in but have never had a relationship, but the other person IS interested but taking too long in moving things along? Would this be a detriment to things possibly working out? I feel sort of invisible to someone right now, and I feel like if I do NC that will only make me MORE invisible by disappearing. Does that make sense? How are you to get someone to notice you if you are not there? I always thought you should "be there" for that person, but maybe I have it all wrong. Please advise. I want to see if this is the right route for me to take because right now I am just frustrated! I am thinking of telling him I am going to back off. Should I? Please help me out. Thanks. Link to comment
AnonymousMG Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I don't think NC will work for that, NC is used primarily for healing purposes after a break-up. The reason that it works sometimes to "get somebody back" is because it forces the other person to miss you and possibly rekindle feelings that already existed. If you post more details there is a greater chance that people will be able to give you specific advice. -AMG Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi sweet, welcome! Sorry you're having a bad time of it. NC is for getting yourself back, not your ex. Others have explained it a lot better than I can. Link to comment
SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Sorry. I should have added more to this. *Have known the current guy about a year *We have a lot of chemistry, have admitted our attraction and would like to pursue things further. *He got out of a relationship with someone a few months ago but we have talked and maintained contact. Contact is about 60/40...with me initiating most of it. I would like to see this more balanced, or even him pursuing me more. I have already told him how I feel. Aside from me beating him over the head with this, I am out of ideas. I thought some distance might work. Is this a possibility or should I keep hanging in there as I am. I don;t want to get taken for granted. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 If he doesn't contact u enough u perhaps can ask why this is so, if he just gives you a standard reason then oftenly its because he doesn't want to take it further even though u stated it... regarding the topic.. if you just make nc and your already experiencing a little contact then it can go the other way around with you ending up loosing him, if that makes sense. Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Oh. Sounds like you're playing games... You can't make him like you. Maybe have a talk with him as to where you two stand? If he's not interested in being in a proper grown up relationship (that requires effort from both sides in equal measure) then you end what you have with him THEN go NC. Link to comment
SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 I am just frustrated with the stagnant stage we're in..though recently for the first time he admitted he missed me one day. He had never said that to me before, so I took it as a sign that he was coming around. Maybe I am just impatient lol. Link to comment
SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 No Zomb. I'm not playing games. I'm trying to NOT play games..which is why I came for advice. Thanks. Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Sorry, didn't mean to come accross judgmental. Talk to him sweet, find out where you stand. Definitely don't invest anymore of your heart inthis unless he starts to do the same. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 No Zomb. I'm not playing games. I'm trying to NOT play games..which is why I came for advice. Thanks. If you ask if it would be a successful move, then your actually considering doing a play, because it IS to play with someone when doing something on purpose to get contact, I agree with Zomb. Link to comment
SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks Zomb...and Dare. I appreciate the honest advice. You are guys, what would make YOU come around in the same situation? Maybe that will help. Link to comment
venquessa1607306442 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Maybe while he sees you there waiting, he knows he has time to hedge his bets and wait around before deciding anything. Maybe if you turn away, and I don't mean NC, but distract yourself elsewhere, it might force him to move towards you if he wants you, for fear you might just walk away. Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hmm I would say that having less contact would cause a problem if she doesn't know why he isn't as direct as before... I think he is playing on more horses currently, and the way to keep it up is having same contact or a little less.. Link to comment
SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Well, right now I am contacting him pretty much everyday either via email, or phone. Should I just stop for like a week and see what he does? Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Well, right now I am contacting him pretty much everyday either via email, or phone. Should I just stop for like a week and see what he does? Perhaps keep it to im.. phone and email can easily seem to much, honest. Link to comment
Biffy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks Zomb...and Dare. I appreciate the honest advice. You are guys, what would make YOU come around in the same situation? Maybe that will help. You can't make people fall for you and even if they have you can't make them treat you like you ought to be treated. Otherwise I'd have a harem of Playboy bunnies typing this post for me! I would speak to him find his intentions, if he says he wants to give it an honest go, stick around and give it some more time but at the same time distance yourself a little emotionally from this guy, make time for other areas of your life - your friends and hobbies. IF he starts behaving like a proper b/f you can let him have more of your heart. Link to comment
SWEET THING06 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Great advice Zomb. I have a HUGE soft spot for this guy.I admit it. I send him "I miss you" emails. I sent him one today even. I know I need to distance myself from him for now. He has been honest in saying he's still dealing with the fallout of his recent breakup, but still expresses romantic interest in me. He has already said he knows I deserve more than he can give me right now. I just need to know how much time is enough to wait? Link to comment
venquessa1607306442 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think only you can answer that for yourself. There is active waiting, which is what you are doing. And passive waiting, which is where you put it on the back burner (so to speak) and leave it for a while. At the moment your saying "Ill wait" to him, so he feels he has plenty of time. Link to comment
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