Why online dating?

[No Spaces Rob]

I have never tried any online dating site and don't really 'get it' so to speak. I was wondering if you could share the reasons why you have used online dating sites and the actual success you have had. Have you got into any serious long term relationships?

 

Are the odds really stacked against men?

 

The online dating info (including the online dating guide) that I have read seems a bit depressing I think. It seems like a lot of men without social skills would be harassing women, who would be receiving hundreds of messages from men who don't seem interesting at all. I wouldn't like to lump myself in with them. There's also the stigma that it is used by people with low social skills. My social skills aren't great.

 

But I do like meeting people in person. It seems much less like a game than what I know in online dating. If you meet someone in person then you can have an instant reaction from them which just seems to make things so much more comfortable. Have I got the wrong idea about online dating?

[MythicDawn]

I use online dating sites to simply meet people and then go out and meet them in the real world. It has worked a few times but there are some creepy people on them as well.

 

Online meeting is for some people I guess and meeting in real life is for others...

[cordelia]

I think with online dating there are definitely creeps but there are also a lot of good catches. I know people that are in relationships with people they have met this way.

 

My last boyfriend was the first guy (and only) I've ever met online and we were together for a year. Actually, we just broke up a month ago and I still really miss him.

 

I say why not go for it and keep all your options open. And one thing I suggest is to meet the person within a week of chatting with them. Trust me, you don't want to waste your time chatting with someone for weeks or months only to find out that you are totally NOT interested!

[Portage]

I work with two people who met their SO's on such sites. One couple is married and the other have been living together for over a year.

 

I'm thinking about trying it for fun when ready. i think if you approach it lightly, without any expectations, it could be rather interesting.

 

Of course, I've also heard some horror stories, i'd go in fully prepared for either scenario.

 

PS - BTW my friend is extremely attractive, but she found it easier to make that initial contact on line, though, she got tired of the game playing. She is now out in the "real world" with dating, but is finding it harder compared to that quicker contact on line.

 

Anything worth having is Worth waiting for.

 

Good Luck

[Josh30041]

I have tried the free ones and some paid ones. Paid ones are better cause you know they are serious about meeting. Any jerk can put an ad on a freee one.

 

That being said I have had great luck with perfectmatch so far. Get matches every day. Paid 40 bucks for it instead of 60 (some special offer). Been on there a week now and allready emailed 10-12 people. No replies back yet, problly cause of holidays!

 

So basically the best ones are where you get matches instead of havig to go through millions of profiles and pay to only get 1-2 emails a month.

 

Good luck!

[Luke Skywalker]

I use online dating because I'm a bit of a shy guy that doesn't go out much, and tend to like online dating because you already know that they are single women on there, and have enough basic information about them on their profile to know whether they are a potential prospect or not, while you have to dig for that information if you are meeting someone offline for the first time. (i.e. asking what their faith is, age, if they are single, portraying that you are single and looking and wanting to meet up, interestes, etc....)

 

As you have suggested, the odds seem to be highly stacked in favour of women, that is, women usually tend to do the choosing and go on for free (on a scenerio where both genders pay for credits rather than a monthly plan), or if it's equal ratios, they will both tend to get lots of emails of interest, while as a guy, unless you really stand out in some way, will tend to have to settle with whoever is interested in meeting you. For example, in a space between March 18th to October 25th, I've meet only 4 women online and all the dates went horrifically bad. Only 5 women were interested in meeting, and I only rejected one as she was a single mother and I was confused about dating single mothers. A disproportionate amount of energy, money and time was expended to even meet 4 people. (i.e. $ 60.00 spent on lavalife, bunch of mails spent on plentyoffish). Nobody wanted to go out a second time except for one girl who friendzoned me and only choose to see me again after another guy dumped her after she gave her virginity to him, while refusing to even give me a kiss (I never kissed anyone before and wanted to see how it felt like). When I found this out when I returned back from a trip to Italy. I will spare the horrific details about the other date encounters and would describe the online experience as between March 18th to October 25th to be a nightmare. This is the First Administration of online Dating.

 

I took a break between October 25th-November 30th - going on adult online dating for casual hookups, and escort sites. Meet 4 potential casual hookup prospects, but never pursued it, but felt so frustrated by the online experience from the First Administration that I almost snapped and went ahead to lose my virginity on a random stranger on the first date in a public washroom, car, or somewhere else. But didn't do it.

 

Those ads were pulled Nov 30th, and a new ad was realeased in December 1st to seek normal quality women, and since then I've meet two people from online (one is a divorcee, the other is a single mother that's 18 y/o), and due to meet others, or pursue others, and have procured two successfull kiss closes (I never kissed anyone before), and consider it to be a qualified success. There are no complaints for the second administration of online dating (Dec 1st - Feb 3rd) so far and got a more natural kiss close on the second meeting. But in a sense, I've also lowered my standards of who I'm meeting (i.e. where I wouldn't have meet a single mother or divorcee before, I've decided to meet one anyway just on her faith/and interest to me). Of course pariah cases would be a bit better because men would only want them for sex and you'd stand out by not coming accross like you are interested in sex only, but dating and getting to know the person. Although I'm happier on the second administration - I'd still consider it a qualified success - because I've defined my goals, what I want, and set things up accordingly, and have also learned from mistakes in the past administration.

 

To summarise by take on online dating:

 

- My coping strategy with frustrations is to take 'adult breaks' along the way if you find you are getting nowhere (I dont recommend it).

- Get the girl's cell phone and stay away from email if you can help it. IN particular try to avoid MSN and keep emails short and sweet unless you have to in the initial email exchanges.

Important things, like setting dates, etc... should be made by cell phone - if you just want to let the other person know you are thinking about them positively then you could send an email message in those contexts. These strategies help you not to care too much about online outcomes and help keep things in perspective.

- Set goals about what you actually want, and stick to those parameters. Are you looking for a relationship, sex, or a friend, or a first kiss, or a second kiss? Whatever your goals are, make sure they are defined and clear.

[Batya33]

I used on line dating to meet men in person - I would be fairly assertive about keeping the emails to a minimum - two or three tops, then the phone call soon after (that day or within a few days) - and then a decision about whether to meet no later than the second (relatively brief phone call) - I wanted to screen out the email penpals, the men interested in cyber sex and the attached/married men.

 

I met over 100 men in person and had no long term relationships but had about 5 short term (two-three months, steady dating but not officially exclusive) made a few lasting friendships and mostly had positive experiences. About 60% of the men asked me out for a second date and I went out on a second date with a little more than half of those, and there were a number of men I went on 4-5 dates with.

 

I did it because I worked crazy hours, I only date within my religion (and that is easy in my city but most of the men I dated were professionals who also worked crazy hours) and I knew I was very very good at screening on the phone (I had done personal ads as well when they were more popular).

 

I didn't like meeting men in bars and I was good at meeting one on one - I didn't get too nervous, etc.

 

Honestly, I find it silly when people correspond for months without meeting, or choose someone long distance and then correspond for months without meeting, etc - to me falling in love with someone's typing, talking, web cam has little connection to reality. I have seen it work out in person - rarely but a few - but that is because it would have anyway, at least to me - the typing and talking simply delayed the essential meeting in person and for me, I would not have the time or interest to have an email pen pal for that long and I would not consider it a romantic relationship.

 

I have several friends in happy marriages through on line dating -

 

It does take a lot of time if you want to date often (I would sometimes have two dates in one day) - the phone calls, setting up the date, being patient about plans changing or being cancelled, etc. and if you don't click it can feel like a part time job.

 

The other reason I continued to do it is a fair percentage of the men were people I knew through other friends or acquaintances or knew of so the safety factor was not as much of an issue.

[Clementine orange]

Check this link for my little anti-on-line dating rant

 

 

 

needless to say, I am not a fan! I seem to do waaaaay better in person.

[Batya33]

Check this link for my little anti-on-line dating rant

 

 

 

needless to say, I am not a fan! I seem to do waaaaay better in person.

 

This is the problem with on line dating - people who use it other than as a vehicle to meet in person ASAP.