Question Re:

[GuitarmanIII]

Hello All, I hope you've had a nice Holidays. It sure has been nice to have some time away from work!

 

Some background:

 

Below I've posted an email sent to me from the X the week prior to Christmas. Preceding this email, I had hand delivered a letter (about 4 weeks ago) to the X explaining why I cannot be friends with her anymore. At this encounter we had an excellent conversation...but as far as I was concerned there cannot be any more relationship in any form.

 

Well, the weeks following she tried to sneak in to my life again with random emails and chat. I wouldn't respond. She also sent me a Christmas card to which I did not respond or acknowledge. I felt rude but I think it's the only way...

 

Then before Christmas I received the following email (as stated earlier):

 

Hello,

 

What can I say... once again you've made it clear you don't want contact with me and that you feel we can't be friends. Lately this has been difficult for me to wrap my head around.

 

But it hit me hard last night. It occurred to me that you're never going to be a part of my life. I was out alone and I'll amit I bawled all the way home. Some dude came up to me and asked if I was okay.

 

I know I didn't deal with things well or we could have been friends. God knows I've tried to make it work now. But I have to admit to myself not only have you moved on emotionally (the whole love thing). You've moved on from wanting me in your life at all. (I) doesn't exist for you. Just some bad nightmare that tested your strength and reserve. YOu have no place for me. I can no longer call you up or ask to go out for drinks or even go to a bar that I know you'll be at because I know I'm not welcome.

 

Every call or letter including this once has been been hard for me because i keep hoping something will touch you and you'll want to reconnect. But F@#ck it. It's not going to happen.

 

I'm going to do my best to move on but you are what got me through those awful two years and I HATE that you won't see me through the rest. I HATE that I won't be able to give you advice and help you with women issues like I used too.

 

I think for one last time you've broken my heart. I've lost you completely not as some guy on the side but as my friend. And as corny as it sounds. I know it's true. The sad thing is, you're not even going to read this letter. You'll delete it as soon as you see it's from me. Thinking that I'm trying to manipulate you.

 

F@#ck here i am crying on the phone to ____ about it. (a friend)

 

Well don't worry I won't be going to your bars. You never wanted me there anyways. And I will try to avoid your area of ____. I'm going to retain some dignity and save myself for people who think I'm worth thier time. And if you ever think that maybe I am. You know how to reach me.

 

I haven't responded to this and it's been tough not doing so. I want to yell at her and tell her that my NC has nothing to do with not wanting to be with her. I DO love her...that's where she is sooo wrong! I've already told her these things many many times. I feel like I'm being sucked into another drawn out conversation that will lead nowhere but with my heart in tangles.

 

Is she being selfish? She has a bf now...what more can she want? Her cake and eating it too I suppose....I still want her soo badly it hurts and I feel I'll never do any better (boo). I'm so jealous of her as well.

 

I need to move on...and if she is in my life it will only hinder that progress...it's kinda all twisted up because I'd love her as a friend but I can't because it will hurt me.

 

I also don't want to read to much into this email but I already have...and I hate posting such personal info online, but I'd like some feedback...any comments at all?

 

Thanks,

 

G

[pacopaco]

Hi,

 

i feel you man. I'm going through the same thing. NC has nothing to do with not wanting her. it has to do with you. I think you and i need to be selfish for our own sakes. It's tough because you want to tell her to not contact you, but that would be breaking contact. Don't respond to the email. write it all out, and throw it away. it is hard, i know. I feel the same way, where I don't even know my ex anymore, and though I still love her, and she claims to love me, I feel I don't know who she is anymore, only who she was and I can't be friends with her. I have also changed.

[ILovePasta]

Two words mate...

 

GUILT TRIP

[SuperDave71]

Guitar,

 

Though tough and a touching letter..Only YOU can make your decisions. If you know its over..then stick with what your doing.

 

I have faith in you and your healing..

 

 

 

Take care and God bless you,

 

 

SuperDave71

[GuitarmanIII]

Thanks for the words guys. Man, is life tough sometimes...

 

I have saved some of Super's posts on my hard-drive...I wish I had stuck to the script from day 1....kudos to you Dave71!

 

G