don't know what to do...

[beachbabe265]

Ok... I have known this guy for 6 years now... and we kinda dated 6 years ago, but because i was so young we had to end things... But i moved to alabama and we always kept in touch... he would write me and call me and vice versa.... We have always had feelings for each other, but we have always been with other people so we never had the chance to become something... about a month ago me and my ex broke up after 4 years... and him and his ex broke up about 3 weeks ago.... We hung out and starting getting more feelings for each other.... and then he started talking to her again after about a week and a half.... he told me that he needed to spend christmas with her.... becuase he felt after 3years that, that was the right thing for him to do... he promised me over and over again that he wasnt gonna hurt me and that he was really leaving her.... but he didn;t want to jump back into a relationship again.... and i told him i didn;t want to either.... but that i had feelings for him always had and he said the same..... one night they got into a huge fight (the first night they started hang out again) and he called me up and wanted me to come and hang out with him.... so i did.... we hung out all day sunday and he told me that he wanted to spend christmas with me but he told the right thing to do was for him to spend it with her... but after that he was done with her.... he told me that he isnt back with her and that he wouldn't do stuff with her when he is with me.... i kinda of got a lilttle upset cause she is still at his house and he said that i need to give him time to do what he needs to do... but he is truly done with her... he said he doesn;t understand why i am getting all up tight, he said just when things were getting good between us then i throw this at him... and i said that he doesnt understand how i feel...

 

I don;t know what to do....

[beachbabe265]

i need some advice

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

Welcome to Enotalone!

 

Just my two cents worth but considering that it's only been 3 weeks since he broke up w/ his ex, wouldn't you say he's not fully over the breakup as yet? Would you consider giving him some time and space till he fully recovers from the breakup?

[beachbabe265]

yeah but it is just hard because she is still staying staying with him.... even though tonight he told me that it was done and nothing was going to change his mind but she is there tonight and he asked me what i wanted him to do and i said do what you think you need to do... and he said that he is doing what he needs to do... to give him time..... it is just hard because i want to be more than just friends with him..... we have always had feelings for each other.... it is just really hard....

[Ellie2006]

Hey BB265,

 

I am sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time

 

But listen, obviously this guy is not fully recovered from his past relationship; after all, he's only 3 weeks removed from a 3 year relationship. I am sure it differs among different individuals but he may need a lot more time before he is ready to date again.

 

I am sure he cares for you but this does not seem to be the ideal time for you guys to get involved.

 

From my *limited* perspective (other ENA-ers may offer different advice), I think you may have two options here:

 

a) if you think this guy is worth the wait, give him the space and time he needs. If you go w/ this option, you MUST be prepared that it may take him quite a bit of time to be fully healed and you may inadvertently be putting your life on hold.

 

b) move on with your life; when the opportunity arises again in the future under a more conducive set of circumstances, then you may want to consider taking your relationship to the next level, so to speak.

 

I understand why you might be rather hesitant to take option # two, considering that you two always thought there might be something more but never had the opportunity to act on it, seeing as both of you were involved with someone else.

 

The fact that both of you are technically single makes it seem like this is the right time to explore what else can be possible in your relationship.

 

BUT as harsh as this may sound (I do apologize), this cannot be a good time as he is still reeling from his last break-up and perhaps will have trouble fully concentrating on his relationship w/ you; and you deserve nothing less than his full commitment to making things work with you.

 

What do you think?

[beachbabe265]

well i got home and his mom called me and told me that they got into another fight and that him and his mom are going over there to tell her to leave.... so i am not to sure what is gonna go on.... His mom also said that he is really done with her.... that he has had enough... i guess some things went bad today... i just don;t know what to do cause he hasn't called me back since our converstation last night when i think he got made at me cause i am not being patience..... it is just really hard... cause i just so badly want to have something because we never really had the chance before... ya know... i still don;t know what to do... my mom says to wait for him to call me... but it is just so hard....