My Letter

[mikeca]

well after some mini-NC (more of a break) I said I was going to call her today (xmas) after it, but I didnt, instead I decided to put pen to paper (then fingers to keyboard) and drafted up a letter to my ex. I'm stating it here first because I would like some opinions. I'm not settling for anything but a relationship, all or nothing. Its finally the time to lay it out in english and find out once and for all where to go from here. Take a bit of my own advice I gave to another member, and to those who have given theirs to me.

 

 

Hey XXX, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking these past weeks we’ve not been talking. It has occurred to me that in a way, in a way I don’t love you anymore, I do, but I’m in love with the girl who was there for me, and who loved me back. It seems no matter how much I give to making this work, your always running away; you’ve never let me in.

 

My efforts have never been good enough for you, and I can’t take that anymore. We both know you need to work out your issues, yet you won’t seek help, you say I mean more to you than I will know, and you want me in your life, yet when it gets tough you toss me aside. You do things to hurt me, still I forgive. Am I painting a clear picture? Put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel?

 

Mike you said that when I got down here you would make an effort to stay in touch with me & we could work things out. How come I have been e-mailing you and e-mailing you and you never respond? If you don't love me anymore you should at least have the balls to tell me. I want you in my life, but if you don't want to do this anymore you should at least tell me. It's only fair

 

Does that look familiar? It’s from an email you wrote when I didn’t respond in a few hours, when I was working, Rpat, school etc. You take days at a time to respond and not since October do they end with “LOVE”

 

When I read your love letter, I thought you were really serious about making this work, I thought you had made that change. I more than anyone know you’ve been through a lot in your life. All of this and I still want to make things work. Deep down if you want this to work I’m going to need things from you. You’re going to have to get some counseling to work on your fear of intimacy and commitment. I’ll be here with you every step of the way.

 

I also need you to be more expressive if you love me; show me, not just in words but in actions. I am willing to talk about everything but I’m also willing to leave it all on the ground, I’ve given a lot of myself over these months to you, I remember you said on occasion that you didn’t deserve me, not until today have I agreed with that statement. If the thought of losing me again doesn’t stir any emotion from you, maybe it wasn’t meant to be and I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did.

[GQstatus]

Sounds good to me. I think you should end with somethin stern though. "If I don't hear from you, in the terms of getting back together, dont bother contacting me".

 

If what you WANT from this, is to know if there's still hope for your relationship that is.

 

I did the whole "all or nothing" email with an ex, it did nothing but make her cry, call me and explain to me how (insert bad word here) I am, and how I said I'd "always be there". Although in some messed up way, it felt good to hear her cry after what she did to me, it got me no further to getting her back.

 

It wasn't until months later, that she finally realized, after I stopped contacting her period "Crap is he really moving on?". She came running back faster than ever. I made it clear to her I'd be fine without her, and she finally realized what I DID mean to her.

 

Good luck my man.