7 Year Relationship Over! Need Advice!

[enoughisenough]

My story begins in 1999 where I met my high school sweetheart when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. We were inseparable and really began to fall in love at such a young age. All throughout High School we went out and everything was perfect. After high school, I traveled over seas for a year and still managed to make the relationship work. Afterwards, we went to college, and continued our relationship for 2 more years until she wanted to take a break and explore herself and see what life was like without me. This was extremely hard for me during that time as I became depressed, and had all the effects from breaking up with someone you love (weight loss, antisocial etc...) It was extremely hard for me because I knew that she was dorming in college partying it up while I was so sad. The break up lasted 2 years, when eventually after college we got back together.

Life seemed perfect once again for another 2 years after that. The break was always something that she said that she needed in order to see if we were actually meant to be. It was a break where we have not been together for so long and found ourselves back in each others life. It was definitely what she needed and proved to her that I was the only one in her life and that it was meant to be.

It has been 2 years since we got back together and it is during this time when I realized that this is the girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I felt awesome in this relationship that I have been in for 7 years. I was sure that I wanted to marry her one day. By the end of this summer I told her my feelings and that one day I would like to get married to her when the time is right in both of our lives.

Hmmm...During this time she freaks out every time I mention the word "marriage" to her. She seems to be so afraid of marriage and always tried to get out of that conversation every time I brought it up at dinner. It came to a point where I realized that she never once told me in our 7 years together that she could see herself marrying me one day. It wasn’t that I wanted to force her into marriage right away. I told her that I was willing to wait as long as it took until she was ready. The problem was that she couldn’t even tell me that she could see herself marrying me one day. As if 7 years being in love together was not enough to realize? We spent almost 1/3 of our lives together.

thereforeeee, beginning November I told her that I cannot be in a relationship without having an answer. We took a break, thinking that she would give me an answer a week or 2 weeks later. Around 2 weeks later she called me crying how much she missed me and realized that she will always love me. However, she told me that she still did not have an answer.

It has now been 3 weeks of NC. She obviously decided to take another break to see other people and date and go out with her friends just like 2 years ago. I am beginning to become as depressed as last time. However, this time I am so furious at her. How can she do this twice to someone she claims “to love”? Hasn’t she already taken a break like this to see if we were meant to be? 3 weeks ago during our last conversation she told me that she to “explore” herself once again and I needed to move on because she didn’t want me to wait around for her answer.

It wasn’t that our relationship ended with a fight or cheating on somebody else. We were in love, happy and everything. And all of a sudden I am back to where I was 2 years ago. All because I realized that I wanted to marry her one day.

Deep down I do want to just wait it out for her to finally give me the answer I am waiting for. However, I know that I can’t wait for her any longer. 7 years is enough time.

I have been dating others since these 3 weeks but still cannot get over the fact that she is out not thinking about me and doing yet again her own thing. I finally found the girl I wanted to marry and a week later she is off once again doing her own thing.

What am I to do? I feel like this 7 year relationship has just ended without any closure or anything. I really did not deserve this.

 

[xmrth]

wow... I've been with my boyfriend since 1999, 7 years. He was 1 year older than me too, but we were both Freshman.

 

I wanted to go out with other people, too. Pretty much all throughout the relationship (due to being young and things like that) up until I almost lost him over it a few years ago. And I realized no, I want him, he's the one I want.

 

If you're already dating other girls and she's not even flinched, then it's time to move on I would say... of course don't date just to get her to, but do what you really want to do. She's being honest with you telling you not to wait. Even I couldn't do that those years ago.

 

I don't think it's because of you mentioning marriage that she wanted out... because SO many people get freaked out about it, it's hard to narrow that down to the reason why. If she had it in her to want to leave, she was going to no matter what.

 

Martha