Should I Stay or Should I Go?

[drummerboy]

I starting dating a girl for 3 months and completely fell in love for the first time. I had never felt that way about anyone before. After 3 months, we got into a big discussion and she told me that she didn't want a relationship with me. At which point I laid it on pretty thick and I told her that I was completely in love with her and she was the most beautiful thing in the world to me and she was the only person I wanted to be with, etc. (all true of course)

 

At first, her reason was she needed space and didn't want a relationship and then it was that she wasn't in love with me. This was a total shock since we had such a wonderful time together and I know that she was really attached to me and had feelings for me and was acting like my girlfriend.

 

The last month I have tried to be her friend, take a break, tell her that I should just walk away from her life forever (which she was really upset and crying about on the phone for a long time.)

 

I have just been going back and forth because I am so confused, hurt, and angry. I have been miserable the entire time and am just all over the place with what I think I should do and the way I feel about this.

 

I managed to stick to my word of "have a nice life" and never seeing or talking to her again for about 3 or 4 days, then I called her the other day was really mean and trying to blame everything on her and make her feel awful. (I don't think it worked ) I told her that she should come get her stuff and bring me mine, which is supposed to happen tonight.

 

I plan to just have a normal conversation with her tonight and not talk about the breakup, but the issue of if we still see each other and be friends is still on the table. (this is what she wants) My question is, is it worth trying to be friends with her if I am still in love with her when I am pretty sure it will never be returned?

[purrin]

Hey buddie ... It won't work ... If you are inlove with her, friendship will never be friendship in your heart... you are just waiting for her to change her feelings ... you cannot change a persons feelings no matter what you say or do ... Dont waste your time keeping your hopes up ... the person that breaks up a relationship will always say lets be friends ... just to be nice .. I know how you feel ... it really sucks when you are sooooo inlove and it is not reciprocated...you need to go out with your guy friends - have a few beers and laugh ... I would get a friend to drop off her stuff and pick yours up ... you are not going to feel any better seeing her and 'talking things out' ... she already has made up her mind ...

You know the saying ' if you love something set it free, if it comes back-its yours, if it doesn't, it never was...) Think about it ... put yourself in her shoes ... If you didn t have feelings for a girl and she kept pestering after you with phones calls and such ... you would end up thinking she is a idiot and start to really hate her ... right????

[Micksbabyboo]

Give it time you will see, theres a saying let it go n if it comes back thats how you know (something like that), whats ment to b will be. You should try being friends for now its better then nothing....And think positive about the situation , if you think positive you wont drive yourself crazy thinking, dont have high expectations for tonight, things work out better that way, when u dont have high expectation.Because then if it comes out good its good for you and if it doesnt work out its ok with you high expectation leave u wanting high results which arent always possible...Did i make any sense?

Love,

Dc

[drummerboy]

Thanks for advice. I think I will go with the 2nd posting. Be positive and keep low expectations. If anyone else would like to give any input, please do. I have one hour or so until showtime.

[allen5644]

I was in the exact predicament nearly two years ago. My best friend came onto me - and we had the most awesome time for almost 5 months where she told me she didn't love me.

 

Needless to say - I was expecting MUCH more. I blew up - because I thought we shared something... But, what I didn't realize was she had came out of two really bad relationships - and she wasn't ready.

 

My suggestion - is analyze her past. If she just got out of any TERRIBLE relationships - she needs time to heal. Don't force her hand - or else you could lose her forever.

 

But, on the other hand - you MUST accept only a friendship - and expect nothing more if that is her wish. If you show her that you can be a great friend - who knows - maybe both of you can grow together - and something can blossom. BUT DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING - because it will drive you absolutely crazy.

 

Hang in there - and focus on yourself.