drummerboy

Thanks for advice. I think I will go with the 2nd posting. Be positive and keep low expectations. If anyone else would like to give any input, please do. I have one hour or so until showtime.

I starting dating a girl for 3 months and completely fell in love for the first time. I had never felt that way about anyone before. After 3 months, we got into a big discussion and she told me that she didn't want a relationship with me. At which point I laid it on pretty thick and I told her that I was completely in love with her and she was the most beautiful thing in the world to me and she was the only person I wanted to be with, etc. (all true of course) At first, her reason was she needed space and didn't want a relationship and then it was that she wasn't in love with me. This was a total shock since we had such a wonderful time together and I know that she was really attached to me and had feelings for me and was acting like my girlfriend. The last month I have tried to be her friend, take a break, tell her that I should just walk away from her life forever (which she was really upset and crying about on the phone for a long time.) I have just been going back and forth because I am so confused, hurt, and angry. I have been miserable the entire time and am just all over the place with what I think I should do and the way I feel about this. I managed to stick to my word of "have a nice life" and never seeing or talking to her again for about 3 or 4 days, then I called her the other day was really mean and trying to blame everything on her and make her feel awful. (I don't think it worked ) I told her that she should come get her stuff and bring me mine, which is supposed to happen tonight. I plan to just have a normal conversation with her tonight and not talk about the breakup, but the issue of if we still see each other and be friends is still on the table. (this is what she wants) My question is, is it worth trying to be friends with her if I am still in love with her when I am pretty sure it will never be returned?

8/06/03 Update to the original story. After Sarah and I "broke up," I felt so completely aweful. I was sick to my stomach all the time and I felt like something was eating away at my insides. I felt an array of emotions, intense anger, saddness, confusion. After 2 days, the feeling was exactly the same and I had to call her to talk to her. I left a message that we needed to talk or that I need to see her and she called me back a few hours later. Hearing her voice and her concern for me was like a wave of relief. I asked her to come to my apatment that night and she did. We talked for hours and I told her how hurt I was, how aweful I felt, and how much I loved her. She bascially gave me the choice of being her friend or not being her friend, even though I wanted to be her boyfriend agian so bad at that monent. So I choose to be her friend. I am trying to be totally supportive and be a really good friend to her right now. Talking to her alot about her last relationship and letting her know that if she needs time alone to be able to be in a realtionship again, that I will not stand in her way because I think she is a good person and she deserves to be a truly loving relationship with somebody someday. That is completely true, but I want to be that somebody more than anything and I feel like that is a conflict of interests on my part. We are still talking everyday and she still wants to hang out and do things together , like go to the movies and such. I am trying to figure out if that is the best thing for us. Any suggestions?

I have been seeing this girl for about 3 months. Our background is that we were in a band together and also hung out in groups or after shows for about 3 months before we got together. I was always attracted to her looks, but thought that I should not persue her because of the band. Anyway, we started getting closer and I could tell that the attraction was mutual. I found out in late April that my brother died suddenly and totally unexpectedly. I was home for awhile dealing with his loss, he was the greatest friend I could have ever asked for and the biggest inspiration in my life. About a week or so after I got back to New York, I called the band members on a Friday night and we went out for some drinks. Sarah, my resent ex-girlfriend, was so happy to hear that I was going out; I just knew something was going to happen and it did. We talked about my brother for a long time that night and she was so conforting to me. She wound up staying the night (we just kissed basically) and that was the start of our 3 month relationship. It was very casual and fun at first. She was someone that I enjoyed being around and she pocessed some of the greatest qualities I could ever ask for in a person. I feel great when I am around her and she gets more and more beuatiful to me everytime I see her. Last weekend I went upstate to visit her at her parent's house because they were away and I was house sitting. During the weekend I felt that ishe was being very indiffernt and unaffectionate to me. By Sunday I was so mad that I did'nt say a word to her all day and I did'nt tell her why I was so mad until later that night even though she asked. When we got back to the city, I went home and so did she. I called her later that night to talk and tell her why I was so mad. This is where I found out that she was not feeling the same way about me as I was felling about her. She said she was not ready for a relationship because she needs time to be alone from her last one and there is something missing, but she does not know what it is. That is I know right now.