How do u know when your ready to date?

[betrayedgirl]

I was dumped 3.5 months ago. His method of dumping me sucked (via email). That method really HURT me!

 

I am feeling kinda lonesome and wanting to share my life with someone again but I am just afraid of getting hurt again especially the way I was dumped after two intense weeks with him.

 

Would it be ok to tell a man upfront that if he decides he doesn't want to continue dating me or whatnot.. to please tell me in person or do i mention nothing and just let things happen?

 

So how do I Know I m ready?

Thanks!

[peaceofmind]

Hi there-

 

I certainly can sympathize with you. I was dumped via e-mail after 7 months together. We talked about moving in and getting married and then I got the e-mail while I was at work no less. On top of that he had a secret confession that he told me about, again via e-mail. I was stunned, shocked and like you also I felt deceived and betrayed. In my mind it was hard to fathom how someone I spent 7 months with daily could turn around in a minute and send me a very cold and callous e-mail. I had no idea what I did to deserve that. And as if to make me hurt some more he immediately went back on link removed. If you interested you can read my post -"my boyfriend left me for a fantasy".

 

But to get back to your question about when do you feel it is right to date again? I asked myself the very same question. It would have been so easy for me to go back on match and start immediately, but I knew I would be comparing the new guy with my ex and that is not right and I wouldn't be dealing with my pain in a healthy way, but instead just masking it. I was still hurting from what happened. It has been almost 2 months for me and it still hurts, but it is a less pronounced hurt. Every day gets me closer to him being a blur in my mind. What I need to do for myself is re-examine where I am and where I want to be. I don't want to behave like he did. I want to have respect for myself and others along the way. I have decided to see a therapist for a bit to help me get better in my head. He truly wounded my self-esteem and sense of self and I need to get that back before I start dating again. I don't know if you feel the same way. I think with a therapist's help and taking baby steps along the way I will get to that day when I do realize I want to date again. I think you will just know.

 

I hope this helps.

 

-peace

[Day_Walker]

I think no matter what method your ex would have used to end the relationship it would have hurt I think people like to focus on the method of breaking up to prolong the pain and get even more mad at the person for ending the relationship. I think that you can tell a guy that you want him to do it in person but that doesnt mean he will do it. I think you can start dating anytime after a break up because the goal is not to get right back into a relationship it is to look for something out there and not get in a relationship with the first thing that comes along.

[peaceofmind]

You are right, any method of breaking up hurts, BUT I think the method they choose shows their true character, or in this case lack of it. This may be a bit too much, but going out and dating right away, at least for me, shows that someone may be trying to cram something into their soul that doesn't fit.

[Straightj06]

i was dumped in october, did the whole rebound girlfriend but not on purpose, i was all over the place, emotions were everywhere. I was a mess. But i have now grown stronger and got "my head in the game" (

 

I thought i would compare, but i used to and i realised everything is better then my ex. I compared and it turned out that the person i was dating was better than my ex. I still have the odd time when i would out of habit almost say my ex's name instead of my girlfriends, but hey i cant help that right?

[rosie76]

I think no matter what method your ex would have used to end the relationship it would have hurt I think people like to focus on the method of breaking up to prolong the pain and get even more mad at the person for ending the relationship.

 

I really disagree. It's always going to hurt, but if it's done face to face and as gently (but still unambiguously) as possible, you know that the person who's leaving is leaving because the relationship isn't working, not because you don't rate with them. Ending it via email or text or some other 'easy' way says that they don't care about you or respect you enough to do it better, and after any kind of intimacy that's going to feel rubbish - and more so if it's a long-standing relationship. It's about treating the other person like a person rather than a situation.

[Luke Skywalker]

Put your best foot forward and go back on the dating scene. The sooner someone else comes into your life, the sooner you'll forget about all of this.

[iwishiknew]

I have been turned down and been ditched alot..Yes it hurts alot but once it happens to you alot like me you get used to it