Should I trust her

[fmss1996]

My girlfriend and I have dated for 3 months prior to my current deployment to Iraq and are continuing our relationship for a total of 6 months now. I am 38, she is 35. I was in a marriage for 10 years and found my ex-wife cheating on me, separated in 04, divorced in Feb06. My g/f has been divorced 2 times and we both have three children each.

We are a perfect match and know eachother so well it is scary. We are both VERY sexual. We both enjoy going out with friends and having some drinks 2-3 times per month...which she has done 2 times the past 4 months...trying to be considerate of my situation.

We talk each morning (her evening) on email and have great communication. We email eachother through out the day and let eachother know how our days are going, etc...

 

Last Tue. she told me a guy from worked asked her out for a drink. Then later came to her office and they talked more about it.

She said she declined, and he said "he wanted a woman's perspective" on a relationship he just got out of...

I did not hear from her anymore that day till 8pm her night when she sent me an abrupt email saying she was sick, took some benidryl and was going to bed.

Ok, she has NEVER done that before. Then I did not hear from her for the next 15 hours, till around 12 noon her time, when she sent me an email saying, she was late to work (which she never is) and is leaving at this very moment for lunch with her boss (again, a first) and does not have time to talk...later in her night, she said she came down with something strange and is going strait to bed, again.

I am not sure what to think here. She runs her life like a swiss clock and never misses a beat. She is very detailed and even when she has been sick before, stayed to email with me for at least 10 min. before bed.

I have the funny feeling in my gut. The same one I had when I found my ex-wife straying. I know she is not my ex....but is that gut feeling to be trusted?

Tonight she had her boys and that her illness was all gone and now she wanted to talk and could not understand why I was puzzled by her change in pattern or bahavior...

 

Any thoughts??

[arwen]

Hey fmss,

 

Welcome to ENA!

 

I think there is no reason NOW to assume something is going on. Don't mistake your fear of cheating for your gut. She may just be really ill, most people don't get sick often (it's not a pattern for most of us). For all you know, she is just ill. She may miss work because of that, yet she seems to be going to work anyway (fits her description of being a 'swiss clock', lol).

 

I understand that you are scared. Your trust has been betrayed in the past, and the distance doesn't help at all. When are you going to see her again?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[fmss1996]

most likely 3 more months till I come home.

 

Thanks for the encouraging words.

[arwen]

Well, I think that if things stay a bit 'fishy' (her being more flaky than you know her to be), you may consider opening up about your feelings before you go home. It's difficult, because things like these are 1. more likely to occur in LDR, and 2. less easy to solve in LDR. It takes 200% trust to be in LDR. So it might be good to see in the meantime what is due to actual changes, what is based on just your bad experience in past relationships, and what can be attributed to the distance.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Yes, you have been cheated on in the past and that will colour your perceptions a bit. However, don't totally discount your gut feelings. Your wife has been divorced twice and she is only 35. Do you know if cheating on her part had anything to do with the failure of her last two marriages? Only you know her track record. Her stories sound a bit fishy to me, especially if they are out of character with what she is normally like.

[fmss1996]

She says she has NEVER cheated on any of her boyfriends / husbands. She was the one that was always cheated on, plus something I found strange, she also stated she was the one that has always left the relationship, no man has ever left her....I found that statement strange. Funny, we talked on night and she told me she has never gone more then 3 months with out some sort of sexual contact...just so happens I have been gone 3 months now...

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

 

I agree w/Ilse; it is most likely the distance that is driving your feelings of distrust. As of now, there does not seem to be anything concrete to validate your feelings; even though she may be meticulously organized, this is, after all, the holidays and something out of the ordinary may have come up.