Truly stuck in this marriage, does anyone understand?

[Princess777]

Hi all again,

 

I am writing again because I wonder if anyone understands what I'm going through and I have no idea how to get through this.

 

By reading my past posts, you can gather quickly that my family and friends all dislike my husband. He has really bad mood swings and it's driving me crazy. How do I know if it's just me??????? Should I be thankful that I have a man who would never cheat on me and who doesn't even look at other women, doesn't go out without me, who cooks and cleans for me, who fixes my car every time there's something wrong, fixes everything around the house, etc..etc... but has this one fault? Is this fault of his big enough to leave him over????

 

I'm a mess!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Princess777

[Gunther]

I know how you feel, simaler things have happened to me {y is it a lot of the things on this forum have happened to me?} what you need to do is do you have friends or family you can stay with next time you get a divorce started? if so I would advise you to get a restraining order and stay like w\ a sister or a brother if you have one or maybe a close friend. and if he comes with in so many feet of you, {I dont like the idea any more than you do} you can have him arrested or put under house arrest which can be gotten around so dont be to supprised if he figures out how. and if he persists there might be a fine and the punish ment get more and more serious. or if he follows you, you can get a stalker warent, which is basically if he follows or harases you, you can have him removed from the premasis or put under arrest. the list goes on, next time you start this {if that is} stay w\ friends and file a restraining order of some sort try talking to a lawyer he will advise you. one more note, by the looks of things he may be a manich depresive, it seems that he goes from undying love to arguing very quickly.

 

EDITED: I looked at post a little more closely, yes I know the type you are talking about, do not let him near you and if he comes near you call THE POLICE lemme guess a few things, does he work out like is he phisicly fit? has he been in jail before? {keep in mind you dont have to answere if you dont want to} does he avoid taxes by living somewere that is not exactly a "house" warehouses are very common for these types. and last question does he do drugs? {keeping in mind you DONT have to answere if you dont want to} these are just guesses from singular simaler cases that i have seen.

[Aura Seeker]

My advise would be to go sit in some Alanon rooms. There are many women/men who have been in your situation, and have learned the tools and gathered the strength to change their lives.

 

While your on the net, look at some info. There was one thing I read and it's title was "You know you are dating a loser when...."

 

Mind games are difficult, and so is the emotional blackmail that goes along with it. You want out, you know you do, so go seek some places that will help you get the tools and support you need. You have tried and failed on your own to give yourself what you know you need......so go get help! Sounds easy....I know, but don't think about it lots, just go do it. ;-)

 

Hold your cards close to your chest, he doesn't need to know you are leaving until you are gone.

 

 

ps. If you can not find it in yourself you love yourself enough to be good to yourself and get out of the damaging relationship.....start with that first. The more you learn to love and take care of yourself, the more you will be displeased with your situation. (((cyber hugs))))

Just my opinion.

 

A

[Gunther]

what he said.... what is an alanon room anyways?

[Arzs]

I want to give my point of view here. I am in no way trying to tear you down but sometimes things are better seen by a third party standing outside the mix looking in. I will not try to persuade you to stay or leave, but I will give you the honest view point from my end as I feel you deserve that.

 

I have some experience in dealing with people of the same type as your husband as far as the manipulative part goes. You say that each time you are strong enough he pulls his tricks out of his sleeve and you are no match for him. Have you considered the fact that his mind tricks are the direct result in you believeing that he would never cheat on you and is so devoted to you. He can make you think he can do anything and has painted a picture of himself as being perfect in many ways "except one". Maybe there are more flaws he is compensating for by being manipulative and such. I do not know and hope this isn't the case, but you do not deserve the abuse.

 

The reason I ask this is because I once had a relationship where I thought the EXACT same things about he woman I was with. I was so brainwashed I couldn't see the truth behind the matter. I literally thought she would never cheat on me and that she was devoted to the end of the earth. She was very sarcastic and mean and yet I still loved her. I took the abuse and took the abuse Until i couldn't any longer. I reached my limit. I was unhapy and it was wearing on me. I am not saying this is your case but in my case the woman was cheating on me and had been for quite sometime. Fortuantly I caught her and was then able to move on with my life after seeing her true nature.

 

I hope for your sake you are able to overcome the abuse and do what you need to do to be happy and get out of life what you deserve. Good luck and hang in there.

[Aura Seeker]

It is an off shoot program of AA. the traits you are expressing are that of a co-dependant. Maybe you grew up with an alcoholic in your family? Or your mother was a co dependant.

 

When I say co dependant, I mean that someone can come into your life, walk all over it, and your reaction would be to make sure dinner is hot and on the table for when he gets home. Let him have control of all money, even yours, and he spends it in dumb ways. Any of this sound familiar?

 

It's a place you can go to learn boundries. We teach people how to treat us, and that is a BIG issue. We can learn to teach them to teach us with respect, and if they don't, the courage to walk away.

 

Put it in the internet and see if any of those things they mentioned are you. If so, there will be somewhere local you can go. It will be amazing the things you will learn to become strong and treat yourself better, because YOU DESERVE BETTER! ;-)

 

PS If you have no tools and knowledge to defend yourself, you will be helpless, just like you said has happened before. Go get tools. Only you can help you. The reason that you need these tools is because even if you manage to get out of this one, you will attract the same breed of animal next time. You are leaving yourself open to be a victim the next boyfriend. You will repeat it over and over.

 

Just MY opinion

 

A

[Princess777]

Hi all,

 

I think I should probably clarify some things so you understand why it's so difficult for me to leave.... he is a good man in many ways. I know where he is all the time - either at work or home, or with me. He does not go out without me. So there would be no time to cheat on me. I am good at spotting a cheater and he's not one. There are no indications that he has cheated or will.... He does not do any kind of drugs or anything illegal. We live together with my son. He is a very hard worker, and gives me all of his money and we pay the bills together every month. I have heard that it is impossible for him to change while he is with me, and that he has to do it on his own, with no one to support him. Is that true???

Thank you all so much for your support..... you have NO idea how comforting it is to get some feedback.

Thanks,

Princess777

[Aura Seeker]

I know tons of people. I was one. You don't have to leave him to go to alanon to get some life skills. It is something to look at anyway.

 

A

[linda79]

I've gone through a divorce myself and can't imagining going trough another one. That's why I miss my boyfriend so much. I'm affraid that's he is the one. However, you have to do what's best for you. Do not engage into any discussions with him. Prepare a topic to think about while he is trying to charm you. He will waste his energy if you don't listen to him.

[acsentu8]

Have you asked him to get some counseling? either with or without you?

 

Also, can you talk to him about this problem? If that's the only reason why you'd leave him, I'm thinking it's not a good enough reason. He can work through this issue if he wants to get help.

Pray for him also!!

If you want more..email me at email removed

A