he wants to take things slow. what does it really mean guys?

[longhaircats]

So I've been going out with a guy I met on the claigslist. We didn't have much chemistry at first, but it seemed that we had a lot in common and I liked him as a friend, so I decided to give it a shot. I also needed new friends badly since I moved to a new country and I thought that at least I could be a friend with him.

 

We had 5 dates in the past 3 weeks (he wanted to see me more but I was really busy and I also didn't want to mislead him since I wasn't sure if I wanted more than friendship with him). Anyway, recently I started to see him more than friend and found him attractive so we became intimate. When I saw him last time, I was going back to the US the next morning and I wanted him to stay over my place, but he told me that it was too early to stay over. It was like a slash on my face, since he seemed very interested in me, but now we are intimate he wants to take things slow. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me that his ex girlfriend of 4 months and him moved too fast (fell in love hard and lived together etc) and he got hurt since it didn't work out (my guess is that she got back to her ex boyfriend) so he does not want to jump into a new relationship. I came out of almost 3 years relationship about 6 months ago as well, so taking things slow sounds good to me, but I'm confused what should I do next. Shall I continue to see him slower pace or shall I date more people at the same time? (though I feel like cheating to do that!)

 

My American friends told me that people here usually don't date multiple people unlike US (no exclusive talk) but I'm not sure since I've never dated a European guy. This dating rule really confuse me! Any thoughts everyone? I like him a lot, but I can still pull away. I'm scared to get involved with someone who is not emotionally ready for a relationship, and a part of me wants to pull away....

[FCTex]

Probably more of the case that he doesn't want to put all of his eggs in one basket..

 

If I were freely dating a girl, liked her, and got intimate with her, without any precurser of exclusivity, and then all of a sudden, she wants to see me alot.. I'd pull back too.. I'd strongly re-think my motives and emotions for the situation, and then go from there.

 

As for whats next? I'd say pull back too a little. No need to keep your shield down, if he's got his up.. Back off a little, and try and take it down a notch.. Make him come to you.. But don't sleep with him, because then you'll travel down a road at which he thinks everyonce in a while he can call you, meet up a few times, and get a little action.

[hosswhispra]

Probably more of the case that he doesn't want to put all of his eggs in one basket..

 

If I were freely dating a girl, liked her, and got intimate with her, without any precurser of exclusivity, and then all of a sudden, she wants to see me alot.. I'd pull back too.. I'd strongly re-think my motives and emotions for the situation, and then go from there.

 

As for whats next? I'd say pull back too a little. No need to keep your shield down, if he's got his up.. Back off a little, and try and take it down a notch.. Make him come to you.. But don't sleep with him, because then you'll travel down a road at which he thinks everyonce in a while he can call you, meet up a few times, and get a little action.

 

I like FCTex's advice. It kind of follows John Gray's advice. He wrote a book called Mars and Venus on a Date. According to Gray, there are 5 stages of dating (attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy and commitment). Some stages may have been skipped and it sounds like you're both going through some uncertainty. I would follow FCTex's advice.

[Norway]

Honestly when i say we should take it slow, It's more of myself reassuring the girl we aren't going to rush into things that we aren't prepared for. A lot of the time it's like saying, "We'll go however fast YOU want to go."

[FCTex]

I agree with that.. In a non threatening way, it's more or less, stepping to the side and allowing YOU to take the lead.

 

Guys don't always want to come off as pushy, not to mention, the pressure of molding a relationship which is still seen as a mans job to do.

[Hope75]

When he says "take things slow", does he mean back up and stop being intimate, or that he's not ready to commit?

 

I'd be a little weary if he's comfortable enough to be having sex with you, but not comfortable enough to talk about a commitment.

 

Take some time and think about what you want- and don't be afraid to ask for it, or to tell him that you want to back off on the sex until he is more sure about what he wants.

[whenamansloveisreal]

if this was me, i would not do what i have done in the past - plan and over think

 

just let us go with the flow and be aware of the signals the other is sending

 

and to be honest, it is something natural for some - maybe you will surprise yourself

[longhaircats]

Thank you all for your advice. I will back off a bit and see how things go. I am out of town for 3 weeks and won't see him for a while anyway, but we are still on emails regulary. I guess it's a good sign?

 

Hope75, the same questions as yours came up in my mind and I was thinking to ask him when I return to the city.

[Hope75]

Hope75, the same questions as yours came up in my mind and I was thinking to ask him when I return to the city.

 

I would definitely ask him and see what his response is. Just make sure that his idea of 'taking it slow' doesn't include taking advantage of you!

[pseudofemme]

I dated a guy once where we both agreed to "take it slow." However, it turned out that my idea of taking it slow meant not rushing into sexual stuff, giving each other plenty of space, etc. For him, it meant sex without commitment. So yeah, it's probably a good idea to ask him what he means by that.

[mitch17]

it means that he doesnt want to make an effort meaning that he isnt that interested in u, or u have to take the lead

 

ive never met a man who wants to take it slow

when i say slow it means in the near future i will end it

[brunette1967]

since May, 2010 have been seeing a guy who wants to take it slow and we have seen each other abt 5 times, we stay in touch by texting. He isn't ready to be exclusive or bf&gf, so i have decided to take a back seat and let him contact me as suggested above ;however, my question is do i go on dates with others and talk to them if i am asked too? i believe i shouldn't put my life on hold. Should i be open and upfront with him if i do go out on a date? I really like this guy and don't want to upset him or loose him