Separated? Awkwardly Normal... Need Help

[missingthebears]

So.. It's been awhile since I've posted anything, but you can check out the background to my story [link removed .

 

My (ex?-)girlfriend and I are back living together again for a while, until the end of the month, when she still plans to leave and go back to live with her parents for the indefinite future. Actually, she's out of town for a few days right now at a friend's wedding, but will be returning afterwards. She's finished up at her job and has told me she's going to start packing things when she returns. So that's weird, and kind of sucks.

 

But... things between us have been sort of awkwardly normal. We're getting along pretty good as "afffectionate" friends (although there is the occaisional moment or two), and have been hanging out a lot, just having fun. The other night we were outside, her laying on me, talking about what we meant to each other, how we would describe our current relationship to other people (sort of joking about it) and neither of us really wanted to refer to the other as an ex- but at the same time we're not "really together" either. We still both fess up to loving each other a lot, and have been trying hard not to cross the line but end up napping cuddled up together and stuff sometimes, etc. I love her so much, even after all she's done to me. And she says the same, although I wonder sometimes if she's saying it because she really does or because she thinks that's what I want to hear... I don't know, she's a strange girl but I guess for me to have anxieties like this is normal so I'm not going to think too hard about it and just try to accept it at face value

 

Anyway, after talking about this we decided that we're going to treat the next few months as a separation period rather than an absolute break-up, not see anyone else, etc and see how it goes from there. Re-evaluate when we've both had time to put our heads back together (more her than me, it seems). Maybe do a long-distance relationship for a while if we still feel good about this a few months from now, and well, you know, just take it as it comes... I can totally still see myself with her in 20 years, and she's as much as said the same thing about me. So I feel good about this, but I don't want to fool myself or do something to end up hurting myself more.

 

I really want this to work and we've both talked about visiting each other like every other weekend once we're settled. Is this healthy? A lot of people might say it's not, but I really think we deserve another shot at it together if we both feel right about it, and I have to follow my heart I guess. You know? I don't think this is just separation anxiety or a fear of being apart, I really really love even the tiniest things about her and can't imagine finding anyone else or even wanting to see anyone else. She's far from perfect, no doubt, but perfect is boring.

 

She says she needs the time apart still to put her life back together, try to stop hating herself, figure out what she wants both in (our?) relationship as well as the other pieces of her life that are currently lacking meaning or direction. And I think that might actually be okay, I could use some time to clear my head too and there are a lot of things that I can concentrate on in the meantime. Going to move out of the city and get a place with some friends if all works out, but everything is still tentative there, which is kind of worrisome (I worry about her too, since I don't think her moving home to her parent's safety net will help anything).

 

On the other hand, the very thought of her leaving and us having to separate (even temporarily) our mutual belongings is heart-wrenching. We talked about it briefly, and she told me I should keep our furniture and stuff, since her folks have no place for it and she wants me to have that stuff for now. Is this because she honestly thinks we'll be back together in a few months? A good sign?

 

I'm trying to read waaaay too much into everything, I know. But I am hopeful. Does this sort of thing ever work out? Any comments or suggestions are welcome! Thanks.

 

missingthebears

[tobigahart]

Hey mate I don't think there is anything wrong with what you're doing. If moving apart slowly seems all the more confortable for you both then that's what you should do, regardless of what other people think.

 

And if you do try the long term relationship thing, and you do slowly drift apart, you'll still always have that special conneciton with eachother rather than just breaking the connection once and for all.

 

You never know, in your time of long term being apart someone else might come along who really interests you (or someone for her) and you'll come to realise that it was never going to work being apart so much.

 

Anyway at least you're not completely breaking down. If things don't work out how you would hope, just remember that there are plenty more people out there just like her and you will get the chance to fall in love again.

 

Anyway, I hope you guys can sort things out and live happily ever after!

[missingthebears]

Thanks for the kind words. I really hope this works out. I love this stupid girl so much sometimes I don't even know why. She's done some really horrible things to me, but I just can't help it I guess...

 

She says she still loves me so it's impossible for me to just give up hope. I'd do anything for this to work out, because I have absolutely no interest in even looking for anyone else -- she's what I want, and has been my whole life for our last 6+ years together.

 

What I don't get is if she does indeed love me so much why not give it another shot now instead of later, why be so adamant about moving back to her parent's house immediately and putting distance between us. It's confusing because she says she wants us to visit every couple weeks anyway.

 

Her parent's house, btw, is a tiny place in the middle of nowhere and she can't drive and in my opinion the whole thing will only make her more miserable, more depressed, and more self-loathing (which seems to be a big part of the problem, she thinks she's a really bad person). I need to show her how much I care and how she means more to me than my own life, even. I just want her to be happy, but I can't see how this is going to help.

 

On the other hand, maybe space is good.. I don't know... Maybe we'll end up back together in 6 months and more in love than ever. But I'm a pessimist so I'm just naturally scared I guess. I've always been bad at reading her, but she's a difficult person to read because she never confronts anything, she just bottles it all up and once in a while it comes out in the form of lots of crying without explanation...

 

Oh man, I need help. I'm lost without this girl and I fear that she might be even more lost without me

 

(missingthebears)