Grrr! My man completely ditched me for his "best" friend today.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Okay, first I must say that I'm not an insecure wreck of a female who doesn't let her man go out with his friends. However, it's ridiculous because he'll whine, moan, complain, and start arguments if I want to do anything with my friends. If they invite me to stay at their house for the night, he'll beg and plead with me not to go. If I go anyway (and usually I'll give in to him, but if we've been fighting I usually feel it's best if I do go stay at a friend's house) then he'll call their cell phone and then their house phone and keep their line tied up for hours. If they tell him to stop calling then he'll start pleading with them instead to bring me back home, or he'll start begging me to let him come get me. This always, ALWAYS results in my friends becoming really annoyed and frustrated, and angry that he tries to monopolize my time. Usually I'll end up going back to shut him up. I don't get to have any fun whatsoever when I'm with my friends alone, because he won't stop calling.

 

And if they ask me to go somewhere with them, and he happens to be home, he will beg and beg until they let him go too. Which is fine, but SOMETIMES girls just want to be girls, and hang out together and talk as friends do, in private.

 

So, it very much irked me today when his "best" friend called him, wanting him to drive him to a city one hour away from here, because he has lost his license. Now, this friend seems to only call when he wants something from my man, though I'm not going to say the guy's a horrible friend because he *has* helped my man out in some ways. However, this guy is another shady character and not someone I'd consider a good influence on my already easily influenced man.

 

Anyhow, my man said "Hey, I'm gonna drive to (city's name) with (friend's name), do you mind?" I'm like, "Umm, what are you doing, going to strip clubs?" (There is no strip clubs in this immediate area so if one wishes to go there or to a Hooters restaurant to gawk at the waitresses then they must drive an hour away to that other city. As for me asking if he was going to a strip club, here's my disclaimer: This is a boundary we've discussed and it's been decided that such things are not acceptable in our relationship.) He said, "No, (his friend's name) needs to get a present for his wife for Xmas."

 

Yeah, but all the way there when there's perfectly acceptable stores right here? I don't buy it. Anyhow, you could tell he really wanted to go, because he seems to jump to do whatever his friend wants him to do when he calls. So I was like "well, do whatever then.." though I made it clear by my tone I was not happy with it, though I would not stop him. He then started talking about "well, I need to get your present too.." I said sure, sure. He called his friend back and was all-loudly discussing how he was supposedly needing to get my xmas present, and asking if they did gift wrapping at the stores they were going to visit. It was so obvious he came up with that ploy so he could go without conflict. I mean, not a big deal, but because he chose to do it as such, it really makes it seem like something shady is going on, and he just wants to go out and be one of the boys while I'm stuck sitting at home. You don't ever, ever see him asking me to come along whenever this certain friend asks him to go anywhere with him, for some reason. Why is that? To prove that a woman doesn't rule him? And the way he was acting on the phone with him kinda seemed like he was going to go regardless of my feelings on the situation, just so he didn't come off as a p*ssy to his friend.

 

When just last night he claimed that he no longer cares what any of his friends think of him and won't ever again be easily influenced by anyone, and won't try to impress people for stupid reasons. Obviously that was a lie. As usual.

 

Anyhow, so he decided he was going, and clearly couldn't wait. Even went and took a shower. Hmm, he doesn't shower for me half the time, in fact he's not showered in some days. I don't know if this is depression or if the "honeymoon" is over and he no longer feels the need to impress me, but he was obviously trying to get all clean and nice smelling for someone, and I'm sure it wasn't his friend. I mentioned this and he said "Well, I'm not going out in public smelling nasty.." Well, uh, buddy, you sure haven't minded before! If he doesn't care about being showered for his fiance of all people then why would he need to worry about other people? Unless of course, he was planning on showing his friend he's still "got it" and was going to hit on girls.

 

Before anyone thinks I'm overly paranoid, you should read some of my other threads. Actually I wouldn't recommend it, they're far too long. But for anyone who HAS read my other threads, well, then you know I'm not being overly paranoid, and in fact I have the right to be suspicious.

 

Anyhow, his car has been broke down for nearly 3 weeks now and it was supposed to be fixed today. Well the guy came to fix it but he was still asleep so his car is still broke down. I've been stuck in this house for 3 weeks, with two exceptions, when I went with my friend to Walmart (and of course my man had to tag along.) He b*tches about wanting to spend time together, but the second his friend calls him up, he ditches me. And normally it wouldn't be such a big deal for a guy to hang with his friend, but if he can hang with his friends why the hell can't I hang out with mine? And why does he always have to be with me when I do hang out with them, if he doesn't want me around when he hangs out with his friends?

 

It's okay though, my friend is going somewhere to night and she's gonna come get me when she does, so my man won't be the only one out and enjoying himself. Tired of being stuck at home.

[hosswhispra]

EK-

 

There are many red flags in what you wrote in a previous thread back in November ^

 

Throwing and breaking things....hmmm...that does not sound good. He sounds very controlling (not letting you go alone to see your friends/manipulating you to come home). These some hallmark cues/signs to abusive behavior. Usually these things do not get better. They grow worse/escalate over time. You're very young. I would advise you to contemplate your choice of a mate carefully.

 

hugs,

hosswhispra

[Rabican]

I think I would have broken up with him before I even got to the point where he ditched you for his friend. His overly controlling whiny crying girly clingy behavior should be enough to send you packing and find a guy that both cares about you and lets you have your own life as well.

[agent1607307371]

Don't fear for your kitties, fear for yourself.

 

Seriously, do you feel safe with this man?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

could he be ditching you for a girl 'friend' rather than a guy? by that i mean, he showers and primps before he goes out, most guys don't do that for other guys...

[Relationship Coach]

I think it's pretty clear what is going on here. When he is out with his buddies he is not behaving as if he is in a relationship, thus his lack of trust of you is purely a reflection of his guilt. You should have insisted that you joined them on their little shopping trip, I can only imagine his mis-firing brain trying to deal with that. This guy is just as seedy as his friend and I hope sooner than later you see him for who he really is.

 

I have followed your posts in the past and I can't believe you are still together. Are you afraid you can't do better? Has he destroyed your self-esteem that much? There comes a time when you just have to cut and run.

 

RC