hey guys why do we fight?

[blink_guy]

hey my gf and i are hitting 9 months on monday...but we fight often say once every 1 weeks and stuff...we start fightin from something small but then it gets in to something big...i love her and i think she lvoes me but we keep fighting and i really dont want to...why do couples fight after they have been together for a while??

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Just because you're fighting doesn't mean you love each other any less. Couples fight all the time. I'd be worried if you didn't fight at all.

[doyathink]

For one, you have to be compatible for a relationship to survive. Opinions always differ...thats when you have to agee to disagee and let it go. Often times ppl will add fuel to the fire and it escalates into an inferno. The thing to do is de-escalate the situation and keep things calm.

[blender]

Well sometimes you can diffuse the argument almost immediately by choosing to try to "understand" rather than trying to be "understood"..

 

just try it once, make a different choice, once an argument starts, just calmly repeat exactly what she said to you, for instance start with "so what you are telling me is that you feel (then finish this sentence repeating whatever it is she said)

 

and see if that doesn't make these arguments end sooner, and on a better note.. with more 'understanding"... it takes "two" to have an argument, and sometimes if someone really feels like they are being "heard" it kind of diffuses the anger...

 

that's why repeating what they said, is a way of letting them know you are hearing her, and trying to understand, instead of having a knee-jerk response where you both end up escalating into a "power/ego struggle" over silly things...

 

it'll work out.. just try a new approach..it's when couples get stuck in a "pattern of arguing" that it can lead to so many resentments... so try "understanding" before getting defensive.. it can be very powerful and loving.. just give it a try..