What would you do differently???

[Lion-Guy]

For those with more experience than the rest of us:

 

1. If you could live your 20's over again what would you do differently

 

AND

 

2. What advice would you give the rest of us who are in their 20's.

 

Thanks

[Dako]

Persue a solid course of study and career.

Stay away from drugs/alcohol.

Explore the world outside your peer group's fashions, opinions and values.

 

I regret not taking my own advice.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I would have dated more. I always felt like there was a big rush to find the perfect woman and rush to the altar. After an engagement called off four days before the wedding and too many serious relationships, including a marriage that recently ended in a separation (soon to be a divorce), looking back I wish I had spent more time casual dating.

[poloplayer]

Hi Lion-Guy,

 

Although I am 25 just like you, I have posed this question to so many "older" men and women. Here are a few of the answers which they gave me (not in order of importance):

 

1. Study. Pick something you like and go after it. Go get certificates or a masters.

2. Save money/invest. Every single person has told me they wish they saved more money when they were younger.

3. Travel. This might be one of the last times you may have to go to that far off place that you've been wanting to visit.

4. Buy, do not rent.

5. Learn a new language.

 

I think Dako has offered some great advice as well. Most, but not all by any means, of my friends who chased drugs and alcohol have missed opportunities, failed in certain areas, and "fallen behind." That's not to say you can't get your act together and better yourself and your life at any time, but from what I have seen it usually gets either worse for them or tough to climb out of the hole. I've meet some people that turned there life around nicely though.

 

The most difficult part for me is staying focused and balancing everything. Everyone my age says you only live once, and you'll only experience your 20's once. You get older and who cares that you have money, education, etc. The fun is over.

 

The "older" folks tell me to study, save and invest, travel, and continue to learn, be it a hobby, language, skill, etc. When they think back on there younger years they say they had a good time, but, now that they are older some are not living as comfortably, are trapped in a certain job without an option to just quit and enjoy life, etc. They'd rather be comfortable than have a handful of old memories which they don't really care about.

 

In the end, for me, this is what I have concluded:

1. Enjoy your 20's. Travel, have fun, experience new things.

2. Be smart about it. Work hard, learn, save and invest, exercise, eat healthy, and stay away from drugs and alcohol.

 

Easier said than done. Some people at work think I'm 30 because I don't go out drinking with them that much. To me I'd rather focus my energy elsewhere. For example, I just got back into swimming as a regular workout routine. I love it, but most people my (our) age that I know would rather go out to a bar or club in there free time. It seems to be there sole definition of what socializing is. In this respect, it can be tough because peer pressure still exists which can derail you from your goals. But, I don't want to be seen as anti-social by my peers or too focused on just work and goals. One of my friends honestly thinks I'm depressed because I don't want to hang around bars anymore - he's a good friend, but it's beginning to annoy me because I have grown out of my college drinking days while he has not yet.

 

Think of it as you'll have greater responsibilities when your older, so enjoy your time now but be smart about it. Don't just live in the moment, but don't just think about the future. Balance is the virtue I strive for.

[Batya33]

I would recommend finishing college and grad school if possible before age 30 so that you do not have extra responsibilities in your 30s that prevent you from being able to go to grad school.

 

I might have focused more on figuring out who the right guy was for me instead of being involved with guys who would be right for my parents -- perhaps then I would have been married now and had kids.

 

I might have done more travelling, perhaps gone to a better college (although mine was basically free = no loans, woo hoo), not worried so much about being "popular" and definitely not been as focused on dieting and being skinny (which finally stopped when I was 24, whew).

[Survictor]

If I had my time again:

 

I would have studied what I really wanted to as opposed to something I ought to....

 

I would have been more self confident about myself and my body (at 20, most people look great to anyone over 30)

 

I would have been more self reliant and not married so young or that person

 

I would have traveled

 

I should have taken that job abroad

 

I should have listened to my Mum's sound advice

 

I should have concentrated on treating my family better than I treated my friends

 

I should have spent more time with my family rather than my friends because today I have none of those friends and I still have my family (those that remain that is as some have since passed on)

 

I would have left my hair it's natural dark colour, rather than having it blonde to be attractive to sad losers.

 

I would not have tried so hard to look like a person in a magazine

 

I would have persued my own interests and invested my time more in charitable organisations to do with famine, children and animals.

 

I have changed considerably for the better since my 20's.

[Juliana]

Stayed away from people who didn't love me, loved the people who did.

 

Gone out to California when he needed me.

[Portage]

stepped out of the box, taken more risks and believed more in myself.

 

Don't be scared to make mistakes, I think mistakes are life's best learning tool.

[skyjuice]

1. Study. Pick something you like and go after it. Go get certificates or a masters.

2. Save money/invest. Every single person has told me they wish they saved more money when they were younger.

3. Travel. This might be one of the last times you may have to go to that far off place that you've been wanting to visit.

4. Buy, do not rent.

5. Learn a new language.

 

Think of it as you'll have greater responsibilities when your older, so enjoy your time now but be smart about it. Don't just live in the moment, but don't just think about the future. Balance is the virtue I strive for.

 

Good advice.

[SarahRose]

Let's see, not gotten pregnant at the age of 20.

Finished my education earlier

saved a regular amount of money

bought a house

cut ties with my toxic family much sooner

dated a lot more and not just go from one ltr to another.

traveled the world

not wasted any time on losers

[skyjuice]

dated a lot more and not just go from one ltr to another.

 

Hi

 

I agree to all of the above. Except I am puzzle with "not to go from one LTR to another one". I understand date a lot more is to see more choices of partner and finding the suitable partner. But not to go from one long term relationship to another?

 

IMHO, wouldn't it be good to get boy friend or girl friend on the basis getting marry in the future?

[SarahRose]

Hi

 

I agree to all of the above. Except I am puzzle with "not to go from one LTR to another one". I understand date a lot more is to see more choices of partner and finding the suitable partner. But not to go from one long term relationship to another?

 

IMHO, wouldn't it be good to get boy friend or girl friend on the basis getting marry in the future?

 

I'll explain. Instead of dating around and really finding someone that was suitable for marriage, I got with someone that was somewhat ok and stayed with them far too long than I should have.

 

I've only had 3 serious relationships. I was married for 20 years to someone that wasn't right for me.

 

I should have been far far more selective and dated many men.

[turqoise]

What a great thread! I love hearing the experiences of older people and the great advice they can give. NOthing beats the words of experience. Poloplayer, I hear yours

[skyjuice]

I'll explain. Instead of dating around and really finding someone that was suitable for marriage, I got with someone that was somewhat ok and stayed with them far too long than I should have.

 

I've only had 3 serious relationships. I was married for 20 years to someone that wasn't right for me.

 

I should have been far far more selective and dated many men.

 

Hi

 

I think I got your point. Find a husband material boy friend instead of someone who is just ok not too bad not too good. I will remember your advice when I am selecting my future boy friend.

[poloplayer]

I love hearing the experiences of older people and the great advice they can give. NOthing beats the words of experience. Poloplayer, I hear yours:smile:

 

LOL, I'm only 25 turqoise! For some reason I began to look up to adults when I was 16, and I listened to what they said eventhough I still acted like a normal teenager.

 

I rarely ask someone who is my age for advice (in person or over the phone). Not to say they don't know what they're talking about, but someone who is much older has been there and done that, and they can tell me what to look out for, how to approach things, and how not to make the same mistakes that they did as they were going through it.

[poloplayer]

Hi,

 

I just re-read this thread and wanted to add on one more piece of advice - something which was ALWAYS said to me, yet I didn't always follow it.

 

***Befriend positive people, or "winners" in other words.***

 

The thing with winners is tougher because they aren't generally the popular kids in school, or the best looking, or the absolute most fun to be around when you're young because they are so focused on things in life which really matter. They're driven and goal-oriented. They don't always go with the majority and can appear odd for doing so.

 

Making friends with these people will only help you long term, and in many cases, for the rest of your life.

 

not wasted any time on losers

 

That really sums it up. It isn't just with the opposite sex, or dating. It's about people in general.

[SarahRose]

Hi

 

I think I got your point. Find a husband material boy friend instead of someone who is just ok not too bad not too good. I will remember your advice when I am selecting my future boy friend.

 

 

Yes exactly!

 

I think many of us tend to find the sorta ok person and then try to make them fit into being mr/ms right.

 

Also WYSIWYG. People do not change their core. If a person has addictions, cheats, is disrespectful, and so on trust that is who they are and they will never change.

Avoid fixer uppers like the plague.

 

Personally I would avoid any man who can't keep the tv on the same channel for more than 30 seconds. The constant flipping is highly annoying.

[turqoise]

LOL, I'm only 25 turqoise! For some reason I began to look up to adults when I was 16, and I listened to what they said eventhough I still acted like a normal teenager.

eehee, sorry sorry, didn`t mean to make you older! I was just a bit lazy in clumping my sentences together

 

I rarely ask someone who is my age for advice (in person or over the phone). Not to say they don't know what they're talking about, but someone who is much older has been there and done that, and they can tell me what to look out for, how to approach things, and how not to make the same mistakes that they did as they were going through it.

Totally agree. Though unfortunately, I don`t know many older people who can consistantly give me sound advice on the things I need most advice on.

sidenote-I recently read somewhere that our society is valuing youthfulness more and more, because ageing points to senality and worthlessness. You get this generation of knowledge-arrogant young adults. It`s as if people forget that getting older can mean getting wiser too. I had this tickley thought the other day about how it would be great if retired people could hang out at primary schools. How awesome would that be?

[terk2021]

Great question! I am 35, and for the most part, I think I have had a pretty successful life. The early 20s was finishing college and figuring out what I wanted to do. The late 20s, all I focused on was career and establishing myself.

Sure, it was fun, and I lived a fast paced life.

 

When I hit 30, I started to see that there was more to life. I probably ended a few relationships too soon because of fear of commitment in my late 20s. No regrets, because everything happens for a reason.

 

Advice: Establish yourself in your early 20s. Figure out what you want in life and where you want to go. Learn to balance that out and plan for the future.

Life seems to move at such a fast pace. As for your late 20s, learn to balance your life. There is so much more to it than just work. Date, have fun, and enjoy yourself, but the earlier you start taking control of your future, the better.

 

I have friends my age and older that still don't know what they want, and how they are going to get there.

 

If we could only go back in time

[poloplayer]

Though unfortunately, I don`t know many older people who can consistantly give me sound advice on the things I need most advice on.

sidenote-I recently read somewhere that our society is valuing youthfulness more and more, because ageing points to senality and worthlessness. You get this generation of knowledge-arrogant young adults. It`s as if people forget that getting older can mean getting wiser too. I had this tickley thought the other day about how it would be great if retired people could hang out at primary schools. How awesome would that be?

 

I guess I've been lucky by having a few good adults in my life. I speak with my parents, my neighbors who are older, as well as some friends parents. All of them give great advice from career, to dating, to school, etc. They've been saying it to me my whole life, however, I only began to listen at 16. Since then I've taken some steps back, but it's been forward progress overall. They've been on this planet much longer than I have, so they probably have a clue as to what's troubling me or how to best approach something.

 

I hear you on the youthful part. But I see that in myself as well. At 16, I thought I knew it all. At 17 I looked back at 16 and thought, "Man, I had my head so far up my &^% at 16." So at 17 I was wiser, then at 18 I thought, "Man, I had my head so far up my ^%$ at 17." On and on it goes. I've come to learn that I don't really know much. I know my friends or peers mean well with their advice, but with advice regarding life, or major decisions, I prefer to speak with someone who either (A) did it right, or (B) failed, but learned from their mistakes and then did it right.

 

Advice: Establish yourself in your early 20s. Figure out what you want in life and where you want to go. Learn to balance that out and plan for the future.

Life seems to move at such a fast pace. As for your late 20s, learn to balance your life. There is so much more to it than just work. Date, have fun, and enjoy yourself, but the earlier you start taking control of your future, the better.

 

This is really good! My neighbor told me something similar. He told me when I just turned 25 that the next 5 years of my life are mine. They are "me time." Because by or around 30 you will most likely consider other aspects in life such as marriage, or kids, or life away from the rat-race, or whatever it is.

 

This is such a good thread.

[terk2021]

This is really good! My neighbor told me something similar. He told me when I just turned 25 that the next 5 years of my life are mine. They are "me time." Because by or around 30 you will most likely consider other aspects in life such as marriage, or kids, or life away from the rat-race, or whatever it is.

This is such a good thread.

 

Thanks Polo. The only other point I would add to the late 20s. If you find that special someone during that time, and things are going great in other areas of your life and you are established, then consider that relationship a part of your life.

 

Don't misunderstand me, I am happy, and have come close to marriage twice in my 30s, but there were 2 women I dated in my late 20s that I was very close to getting engaged to. I was too focused on career at the time... Careers and money are great things, but if you don't have that special someone to share it with, they don't mean as much.

 

Good luck all. Merry Christmas

[turqoise]

He told me when I just turned 25 that the next 5 years of my life are mine. They are "me time." Because by or around 30 you will most likely consider other aspects in life such as marriage, or kids, or life away from the rat-race, or whatever it is.

What else does your neighbour say? (How do you get into conversations like this with your neighbour?? I con`t think I could do it for fear of getting into too serious a conversation...)

 

I was too focused on career at the time... Careers and money are great things, but if you don't have that special someone to share it with, they don't mean as much.

I`ve come to believe that if you love each other enough then you will be able to let each other achieve their goals and dreams first...I have compromised a relationship once for something I wanted to do and though my heart was torn at the time, looking back I am so glad that I continued to follow my dream and not put the relationship first. But then it turns out he wasn`t the One...

 

I guess what I want to ask is, isn`t it a good thing to be focussed on achieving your own goals? Isn`t the perfect relationship like an additional bonus- something that can exist because there are two independent people involved? Because I can`t really see it happening the other way around....

[poloplayer]

What else does your neighbour say? (How do you get into conversations like this with your neighbour?? I con`t think I could do it for fear of getting into too serious a conversation...)

 

I befriended my neighbor by my parents house years ago. At first just saying "hi" and making small talk, and it blossomed to a good friendship. My neighbor is 45ish, married, with 2 young ones.

 

Most of my early conversations with him were when I was back at home on break from college. He'd ask how school's going, and I'd give him an update, ask questions here and there, and he'd give feedback. He's a CPA and worked in upper management for accounting firms, and being a business major myself he'd give me feedback about the "real world" in terms of work and such. My parents never went to college so I knew I needed some sort of a mentor for college and career advice since I did not have a background from my parents in this respect. My parents always supported me, but being manual laborers they did not have too much to share in terms of the corporate world, jobs, etc.

 

Once I was out of college I moved back home to save money for a place of my own instead of renting by where I work. It was a brutal commute (1.5 hours one way), but I would see my neighbor more and continue to speak with him. His kids shoot a lot of hoops on the driveway so if I'd pull up to home, then I'd just cross the street and toss some hoops with his kids while talking with him or his wife who were usually supervising the kids.

 

The "serious conversations" came after we had a good relationship. When I got my first job offer, I called my parents and told them, then went right to my neighbor to talk about the job and salary. I told him how much they offered me and was it good, how to handle negotiations, etc. He's interviewed hundreds of people for accounting firms where he's worked, so he'd offer advice and examples about this job, as well as the "big picture." If I take this job, what exit opportunities will I have in terms of getting into a good graduate program, promotions in the company, or exit opportunities by making lateral transitions in the industry. His wife left the corporate world years ago after much disdain, and she's getting her PhD in education so she gives great advice about education, good books and wines, etc. These are things which I don't have a background in whatsoever as my parents are immigrants and know how to work hard and save money, but beyond that they don't know much of the "class" that I'd like to develop in myself.

 

I guess you can say that's a rare example, but it started out by saying hi and making small talk. I would get career and life advice, and in return I'd babysit there kids at times when they had a night out, or remind them of there youth whenever I'd talk college hoops or certain bar hotspots. I don't speak with him as much as I used to, but I have his cel phone and e-mail so I try to keep in touch, and call whenever something is troubling me work-wise. He's jumped through hoops before, so he can tell me how to handle myself in that aspect.

 

***I'd suggest finding a mentor. Someone to possibly emulate, look up to, and get advice from. I did it with an outreach counselor in high school, a supervisor in my early college days, and my neighbor nowadays.***

[terk2021]

 

I`ve come to believe that if you love each other enough then you will be able to let each other achieve their goals and dreams first...I have compromised a relationship once for something I wanted to do and though my heart was torn at the time, looking back I am so glad that I continued to follow my dream and not put the relationship first. But then it turns out he wasn`t the One...

 

I guess what I want to ask is, isn`t it a good thing to be focussed on achieving your own goals? Isn`t the perfect relationship like an additional bonus- something that can exist because there are two independent people involved? Because I can`t really see it happening the other way around....

 

Relationships should not be about compromise, but being there for each other when it counts. In my opinion, the most healthy relationships are where each has their own personal goals that they want to fulfill. There is not a magic age, or time where this occurs. Each person has to be ready for a commitment. I have put on so many penguin suits and stood up next to my friends in their weddings over the past 10 years. Everything happens for a reason, but I know that I gave up on some pretty good relationships because I was so focused on me.

 

The only thing I want to make sure is that I don't wake up one day and realize that life has passed me by... Kind of like the movie "Click"

[Silentlyfor]

This IS a great thread. I'm 24 myself (or nearing 24) rather by the end of January and I'm moving back in with my parents after a huge fight with a friend/room mate. I want to go back to school but for some reason I keep getting the vibe from myself that it's too late to go back. I don't know if it's because I'm afraid, embarrassed(living with my folks and all).

 

I still want to write. I still want to do what I've always wanted to do and that's a creative career where the control is mine to do with what I please within reasonable bounds. But I feel so inhibited... I still constantly get this feeling like.. well, ya know; "I'm in my mid 20's. I should think about getting settled and having kids and whatnot.". And I do want that, but I seem to think that that I need to focus on myself first. I'm wondering what I should do at this point in my life since I'm STILL trying to figure out what my life is all about.

 

Should I study? Should I go find some pretty young thing and then marry her? Should I feel a bit ashamed with the fact that I'm about to move in with my folks? Ya see... I've never had a strong figure in my life to point these things out or direct me. In short, I'm asking, what do I do now?