My concerns with NC. can someone clear these up?

[cominguproses]

I am going to start NC, i think...but I need someone/many people to clear up these concerns for me first:

 

Can someone please address these?:

1- Will my ex forget about me?

2- will going NC make him think I don't care about him?

3- will NC make HIM move on faster?

4- should i respond to ANY of his attempts to be my friend?

6- what do the DUMPERS think about nc?

 

thanks guys. i appreciate all of your help!!!

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

I am sure you've read many times on these forums that NC is *NOT* for anyone else but YOU. It is to heal YOU. It is to help YOU move on.

 

Reading your post above, I feel as though your focus is very much on your ex still??

 

That said, I had some of the same questions as I initiated NC w/ my ex.

So I understand how deeply troubling these questions can be for anyone considering going the NC route.

 

But please, cominguproses, remember the NC is for you and no one else.

 

Anyway, I do not think your ex will forget about you; I agonized over this aspect of NC as well. But other NC alums helped me see that you don't forget someone who made an imprint on your heart, regardless of how things may have turned out.

 

I think every case is a bit different but I personally explained to my ex that I will no longer contact him and asked him to respect my wishes. We weren't parting on bad terms and I explained to him that NC was to expedite my healing process and it was not to hurt him.

 

Re: friendship: again, I think it depends on you. I did NOT believe I could remain friends w/ my ex immediately after the breakup. I valued his friendship and he's a wonderful guy but I had to sever myself from him and focus on healing me before I could even contemplate a friendship with him.

 

We are friends now, though.

And I think we are able to be friends now bc we both took time to deal with the hurt of the break-up in our own way.

 

Hope this helps.

 

NC is hard. No doubt about it. So please let us know how we can help, okay?

Hang in there.

 

Hugs,

Ellie

[laboheme]

1- Will my ex forget about me?

If the relationship really meant something to him, no, he won't. But if it's something that was meant to be forgotten, he'll end up forgetting things even if you try to stay in his life.

 

2- will going NC make him think I don't care about him?

Maybe...but chances are, if he's smart, he'll realize that you're doing NC because you DO care about him and it's the only way you can come to grips with reality and start healing.

 

3- will NC make HIM move on faster?

Hard to answer. Maybe it will because he won't have to worry about hurting your feelings when you talk to him and he brings up a new girl...But maybe it won't because he'll be wondering about what you're doing. I'd say that it wouldn't really affect the rate.

 

4- should i respond to ANY of his attempts to be my friend?

Only if you are fully over the breakup and don't harbor romantic feelings. If you find yourself responding to his attempts in hopes that you guys will reconcile, don't do it. Plenty of time is what you need here.

 

6- what do the DUMPERS think about nc?

I wouldn't know, since I was the dumpee...But my ex told me that he truly believes it would be best for me to try and forget him for a while...so some dumpers do think NC is a good idea.

 

And remember, like Ellie said, NC is for you -- it's not supposed to be a manipulation tactic. Best of luck with everything!

[Boughs]

I

4- should i respond to ANY of his attempts to be my friend?

 

Personally, i never talk to my ex's. Makes life 10x easier.

[cominguproses]

thanks for your responses.

 

the hard thing about my situation though, is that we broke up about a year and a half ago, but were BEST FRIENDS 3 months after the break up. its only now that we have some space between us, and this is my doing....in hopes of leading into NC.

 

(if this makes my questions make more sense)

[Rabican]

no contact = out of sight, out of mind.

 

Thats so when you are hung up on an ex that is just poisonous to you, or someone you just cannot have (they dumped you etc.) that you can FORGET about them.

If you are worried about any of the above, Id suggest sending them an email telling them that you are going NC, and you would appreciate it if they respected that. You are not doing so out of malice, but due to your need to heal, and get over them. They should understand.

[SpeedingCars]

I am going to start NC, i think...but I need someone/many people to clear up these concerns for me first:

 

Can someone please address these?:

1- Will my ex forget about me?

You can't 'forget' someone... maybe you won't think about em as much, but they can't just erase you from their mind.

 

2- will going NC make him think I don't care about him?

Most likely, yes. My ex-boyfriend always tells me, "You don't care, do you?" or "You never say hi to me or call... what, are you too cool now?" Little does he know, it really kills me to see him with his girlfriend so I can't bring myself to contact him.

 

3- will NC make HIM move on faster?

Possibly.. it depends. For me it did. Physically, he moved on faster but I still believe he's emotionally attached to me. It's hard to explain but then again, it really depends on the person. I stopped talking to him after we broke up because I begged for him back twice and he said he missed me but it wasn't the right time. After I stopped calling or even saying hi to him, BAM! He had a new girlfriend about a month later!!!

 

4- should i respond to ANY of his attempts to be my friend?

Yes and no.. if you wanna get over him, I suggest you not respond. If you're over him, by any means, go ahead... if ignoring his attempts COMPLETELY is too much to bear, try and minimize contact as much as possible...

 

6- what do the DUMPERS think about nc?

Umm.. I wouldn't know! I recently got DUMPED, but... speaking for my last "flings"... they weren't really relationships because we never technically went OUT, but I liked them... turns out, they liked me a little too much so I stopped talking to them. Whenever they'd try to talk to me, I'd get a little annoyed and be really rude. It was mean and I guess I'm getting bad karma for that!!