What I feared most was true...

[doyathink]

Your not a fool, this is real love and forgiveness.(which you sound like you would do if she would stop her insanity) It's hard to find true love and when you have it, it's hard to give up. She will be in jail for a while and maybe this is a good thing, as it may grow her butt up and she will realize just what a fool she has been.

 

She also needs this time to get off of the 'party' favors she does. That alone may clear her head. She needs to stop all of that because it does cloud our judgement.

 

I'm sorry you feel all alone...it's a horrible feeling too. But your not, you have us to help you get through this...sorry, we cant all sleep over...lol

[bdwiii]

Thank you so much. You're really sweet, and you've been so kind and have helped me a lot. You've made me feel better, even when I didn't think it possible. Thank You. You know, it's Christmas time, and a lot of us get lost in the commercialization of it all, and sometimes lose sight of it's true meaning. What it's supposed to represent is a miracle bestowed upon man which was done to give salvation and a new lease on life. In short, it's a time of hope, love, and warmth to be shared and given to one another. Perhaps, her being where she is now, in a perverse sort of way, is her own miracle even though she can't see it now. God only knows what may have happened to her had she not wound up there now. And possibly, you are very right, this time spent there will give her the opportunity to think things through and do some real soul searching. Hopefully she'll have a new outlook and a sincere change of heart when she comes home again. You're also right when you say that my feelings are of love and forgivness. I still love her as much as I ever did. Even though the thoughts of her with these guys tears me apart inside, I still can't stop loving her.

[Rabican]

I hate to break it down to you like this... but she is an EVIL WITCH (replace the w with a b). She knew you would do anything for her, and what did she do? OTHER GUYS, LOTS OF THEM. Ask yourself, did she ever, at one point consider you or your feelings during any of this. Nope. Move on, matter o fact, change your number and dont let her ever talk to you again.

[doyathink]

Your welcome. I think you just described christmas better than anyone ever could. You seem to have a lot of compassion. Take this time, while she is away, and really focus on what you want.

 

She may never change...that is something you have to consider, but you know that already. And, you also know that you cant fix her! If....you do consider getting back together, I would suggest she seek counseling...really. I'm not fond of it either, but she has issues you cant help with, she needs to get off drugs...if she is on them and she needs to stop drinking, she loses control to easy when she does.

 

Dont be a doormat either, if she doesn't show some really huge changes and accounts for her whereabouts all of the time (she has to prove herself to you) then dont waste anymore time on this relationship.

[Hope75]

I'm a bit worried about what will happen if you take her back. This was more than a one night stand, it was a conscious choice that she repeatedly made to be with someone else, and more then just one other person.

 

I understand not being able to turn off your feelings 'in a switch', but can you honsetly say that you would be able to trust her again? In order for your relationship to work out and to be in a healthy place, you are going to need to be able to trust her- and that is very difficult to get back once a repeated betrayal like this has taken place. You say that you love her- but what about her feelings towards you? Someone who loves and respects you does not sleep around with multiple other partners, lie to you, and put your sexual health and safety at risk. They just don't. This isn't a mistake, it was a conscious choice.

 

I would be more likely to forgive and be able to work towards trust if it were a one night stand and she came to you immediately and apologized and wanted to work it out- but she continued to sleep with him, and many others! And she lied to you about it, repeatedly. To me, this just seems like the ultimate disrespect- and I do not think that I could get past it and honestly feel that a person who did this to me actually loved and respected me- because her actions clearly show she does not.

 

What about you?

[bdwiii]

Thank You, I'm glad you understood where I', coming from when I said what I said. That's just me and how I feel, and that I cannot change and would not want to. But I do have to agree with Hope75 as well. Yes, she did this with a clear concience, and knew what she was doing. So yeah, it would be very hard to ever trust her again or believe what she's saying to me. But when she cried and told me she loved me, I wanted to believe her so much. Yes, I still love her, and I guess a part of me always will, but no, I won't just trust her right away either. Since that morning she called, I haven't heard from her. So I really don't know what to think.

[Rabican]

If I may give you one piece of advice bdwii, if and I mean IF you take her back, make her prove herself to you. Do not jump in head first before making sure the pool is full of water ya know. She flat out disrespected you, lied to you, cheated on you, put your very health at risk I could go on and on. This was so far beyond 'mistake' its borderline evil if you ask me. How could someone do what she did and care about you at the same time?

So I will say this, I think she loves what you do for her but I do not think that SHE LOVES YOU. Do you see the difference? Its easy to fall for what a guy/ girl has to offer. Nice house, car, stability, shoulder to cry on, soemone to talk to, someone to help with the chores, available sex etc. but its something else entirely to LOVE THAT PERSON not just their actions. I personally think its impossible to both cheat on a person, and LOVE THEM at the same time. The two actions are like oil and water they just do not mix no matter what.

So, if you go for round two I would tread slowly and softly as you go. Make her prove her trust, honesty, etc. I would be running tabs on her email at random intervals, checking her phone(s) etc. If shes unwilling to put up with this.... bail, run... fast. Oh, and she has more than proven her unworth, and untrustworthiness when it comes to hanging out with other guys. I would simply tell her that she is NEVER to hang with another guy alone ever as long as she was with me.

[applejack]

It sounds like she is sick individual. And like the other posters said: not all women are like her. Don't give up!

[bdwiii]

To both you and Rabican, you both have very valid points and after being given the time to absorb all of it, and think it over, I have to agree with you both 100%. I just talked to the one guy that she was with almost every night this past month behind my back, and I wanted to know if after she had called me and sounded so sorry, wanted to explain, and was still professing her love to me, if she had called or written to him saying the same things. Well, he told me that her mother had called him this morning and was relaying a message to him from her. She said to tell him that she has him on her visiting list, and that she hopes he'll come to see her as she wants to apologize and explain things to him. Now isn't that sweet? Right after telling me the same things! I'm not on her visiting list, and really, after all this, I don't want to be either. If he wants to go and listen to her, and maybe even believe her, well, then let him. I won't anymore. Since last Friday, when she called, I haven't heard a word from her, and doubt that I will. So basically, when she called she was probably hoping I'd be dumb enough to put money on her books etc.. and was none the wiser. Once I told her that I knew everything, I guess that did it and now she's going to see if she can keep the other guy on the string. She's really AMAZING! Thanks everyone for all your insights and words of advice; you all were more helpfull than I can say. And yes, she is evil, the more I think about it, the more I see that it's nothing more than pure unadulterated evil.

[doyathink]

I guess you now have the proof you needed all along. No more questions as to whether she has changed...or will change.

 

I wish you all the best. I'm sorry this ended the way it did.

[bdwiii]

Hey, hi again, and thanks for the reply. Yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it all up huh? Even though I now know the truth, all of it, it's still tearing me up inside and I can't stop thinking about her. It hurts, it hurts really bad. I just wonder when I'll be able to get past it, forget and move on with my life knowing she'll never be a part of it again. I know it's all a time thing, and that in time I will be able to do that, but for right now I feel half sick and miserable.

[Rabican]

You will get over it bro, itll take a while.. especially given the severity of what she did. Best thing to do is just stay busy, hang with friends, find a hobby, go fishing, whatever.... just dont dwell on it.

And know that regardless of how you felt about her... she couldnt have felt the same. You woudlnt have done what she did... ever. And remember that not all girls will do you dirty like she did, theres lots of good ones out there.

[bdwiii]

I know you're right. This feeling, unfortunately is like a long lost "friend" come back for a visit sort of speak. I've been through this before with an ex of mine that I had lived with for three years and thought I was going to marry. She wound up doing the exact same thing to me. Several years had passed before I was completely over that, and it did take a very LONG time to get to feeling normal and like myself again. It's such a long road back to feeling like you did before them, and really, I don't think you EVER truly come full circle to where and who you once were before they tore a huge hunk of you out. But I did get over it, and eventually moved on only to find this one who went and did it to me all over again. So here I am, trying to put the pieces back together again, trying to swallow the fact that it was all just a lie, and I nothing more than used. It takes what seems like forever to get the images and memories out of your mind too. I can still see her in my mind's eye as clear as if it were yesterday, and all the time we spent together. Yeah I know, in time that will all fade too, but right now it's just too fresh.

[doyathink]

yeah, it's gonna take some time....that always sux tho. Keep busy, maybe that will help.....it's the 'alone' times that are really bad.

[bdwiii]

Yeah, and right now, I just came home and am sitting here alone in silence. I went out for most of the day just to try and avoid this, but I can't stay out the whole night, and so, here I am again, home alone, and everything here reminds me of her and of course, now I have time to think again. Then again, talking to this other guy didn't help much either; well, it did and it didn't if that makes any sense?

[doyathink]

We all have the 'I need to know every detail that happened'...then of course...we have some regret. Were human!

 

Come here when you have to much time on your hands to think. Read a few threads....find what helps others to cope......relax and take a long hot bath (with bubbles, but dont tell the guys you work with....lol) read a great book......go out and feed the birds, listen to them sing.....clear your mind with nature.

 

True love doesn't only happen once in a life time...thats a fairy tale.

[Rabican]

hey dont knock the bubble baths... unmanly as they may be, you cant beat em.

[bdwiii]

Hey Rabican, noticed you're online and I want to run this by you and please tell me what you think. As I stated earlier, she had called me last week (Friday), and then I hadn't heard from her since until today. Now, here's something that definitely needs mentioned; her P.O. spoke to me and told me that a "no contact" order has been placed regarding she and I. why, I have no idea, but I was told that if I have any contact with her whatsoever, of any kind, I could face incarceration myself! I think that's a bit much to threaten someone with for just talking on the phone or writing letters, but nevertheless, that's what I was told. Now today, she has been calling ALL day to talk to me, but each time I see where the call is coming from in the caller ID, I wouldn't answer it. I'm talking 10 calls in all which started since 9:30 this morning. Now this could be one of two things, one, she just really wants to talk to me and is unaware of the stipulation made, OR, two, she is aware of it, and is being put up to call in order to cause problems for me, or is doing it on her own accord. I think paranoia is getting the better of me and she really is calling only to talk to me. But then why did she wait till today (Wednesday) since last Friday to call again? I don't know. I'd really like to take the call and hear what she has to say and tell her a few things myself, or even write, but I guess I can't now and I certainly don't want to wind up in there too just because of it.

[Rabican]

Im really not sure what to tell you about her calls... I truly think you are just better off without her. If it were me, I would just change my number and everything. call the phone company, and tell them you keep getting hang up calls, and calls from someone you do not want any contact with (I did this, and they changed my # for free).

I dont know about the legality of all this... sounds sort of crazy that you could get in trouble for talking to her unless there is a restraining order against you. Im sure in that case you would have to be notified officialy I would think? I dunno.

Why is she calling you now, who knows. Maybe reality is setting in, she messed up big, the other guys... well we know what kind of characters they were, not good guys thats for sure. You on the other hand... shes probably wishing she could undo this now but thats just not something that can happen. Or like you said, she could be causing trouble. NO way to know I think.

[doyathink]

hey dont knock the bubble baths... unmanly as they may be, you cant beat em.

 

haha, you like these too huh? lol

 

How would they hold you responsible for her calling you? What if you didnt have caller ID and didn't know who was calling? I would want that in writing....did the judge order that or her P.O.?

[bdwiii]

No, that's just it, it wasn't ordered by the judge, it was ordered by her P.O. And when I became upset by it and asked why, all I got was a "because I said so" answer. I honestly believe these people (the ones that take that job) are power mongers and sadists. They're playing God and with people's lives. I could see it if I had something to do with her being where she is now, or if there was a legitimate reason for us not to communicate, but there isn't one, not one. She's been trying to call me now for two whole days and I can't answer the phone now! As if that's not bad enough, I can't even write to her as per this witch of a woman that placed this order. Maybe I could see it if she were out in society yet, but she's not even on a probationary status anymore, she's incarcerated! In two days it'll be Christmas and I can't so much as send her a card wishing her Merry Christmas and hopes for a better new year. As if I weren't hurt enough already, this sure doesn't help. The thing with taking the calls, and them being able to prove that I willingly accepted them, is that when she calls, and I answer, there is a recorded intro message that states that the call is pre-paid and from her; if I want to accept it I press 1, if I wish to reject it, I have to press 2. So that being the case, if I were to accept it and of course they monitor the calls there, I would be had. The whole thing sucks and I hate this woman for doing this.

[doyathink]

OK, you just said shes is not on probation yet so why does she have a PO? And, why did you talk to her PO? Just asking because I'm not clear as to why you even seen her. Your not on probation are you? How could you get in any trouble if you talk to her? wouldn't she be the one in trouble? I mean, how could they tell you what you can and cant do when your not under any legal obligation with them?

 

None of this makes any sense to me. I just dont understand why this PO is telling you that you would be the one in trouble if you talk to her when you are not on probation or in trouble in any way at all. Dude, I would seek legal counsel on this. Call the DA or City Attorney and ask them if this PO can keep you from accepting phone calls.