Lost of trust, will I ever trust again?

[Lostinadaze]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 1/2 now. Over this past late summer, I caught him chatting and flirting with random girls online. He said a lot of suggestive things like "I want to touch you". He swore to me from that point he would never do that again. Then the months after, I researched to see what other things he has been doing...and I found he has accounts to many pervert sites, like amatuerwatch, link removed, and some other ones.... I have always had this sense about him that he is a really perverted guy like that. I can't stand the fact that he is doing this. It is so degrading. I feel ugly now because I feel like im not good enough, and he has shot down any self esteem I had. Everyday is just a struggle for me, everyday I have to put on this fake smile and pretend like everything's ok...and I know it's not ok, Im dying inside. I'm disgusted that he has hid these secrets from me our entire relationship, I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know if he is still looking, and it kills me. I know he lies to me, he has for our whole relationship. He claims he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives, but how can I be with him without any trust, and how can I be happy when I keep doubting him everyday. He says he has stopped everything he has done that has hurt me, but how can i trust him he will never start this up again???

[heartlessromantic]

If he has consistently demonstrated to you that he cannot keep promises, then I would have serious concerns about him as a long-term partner.

 

Unfortunately, based on what you have written, he doesn't not seem like a good bet.

 

One thing to tell yourself when your judgment is clouded by your emotions: Judge him by his actions, not words.

[cordelia]

I was with someone for 3 years, lived together and planned a future together but I always had these gut feelings and these red flags the whole time that he was keeping things from me and being a pervert behind my back.

Of course to my face he would always tell me how much he loved me and wanted get married and have babies etc.

But in the end, my instincts were right. I found out a lot of things after we had broken up that confirmed all my suspicions. And if I'd just listened to my own instincts, I wouldn't have wasted those 3 years.

I don't mean to freak you out, its just that instead of wasting time with someone that lies to you, you could be moving on and feeling good about yourself again. Not all men are like this, and you should spend your time and energy finding someone that you can really trust!