My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and 1/2 now. Over this past late summer, I caught him chatting and flirting with random girls online. He said a lot of suggestive things like "I want to touch you". He swore to me from that point he would never do that again. Then the months after, I researched to see what other things he has been doing...and I found he has accounts to many pervert sites, like amatuerwatch, link removed, and some other ones.... I have always had this sense about him that he is a really perverted guy like that. I can't stand the fact that he is doing this. It is so degrading. I feel ugly now because I feel like im not good enough, and he has shot down any self esteem I had. Everyday is just a struggle for me, everyday I have to put on this fake smile and pretend like everything's ok...and I know it's not ok, Im dying inside. I'm disgusted that he has hid these secrets from me our entire relationship, I don't know how much more I can take. I don't know if he is still looking, and it kills me. I know he lies to me, he has for our whole relationship. He claims he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives, but how can I be with him without any trust, and how can I be happy when I keep doubting him everyday. He says he has stopped everything he has done that has hurt me, but how can i trust him he will never start this up again???
