Need some advice thanks!

[krnswte143]

My ex and i broke up a month ago. we been in contact on and off. Last time, I spoke with him was last wed then he stopped talking to me. So, for 3 days I didn't try to talk to him online. On saturday night, He sent a message on AIM. I was happy to hear from him. So, we talked a little bit and I signed off went to bed.

 

Right now , I change my AIM/Yahoo sns so I dont appear online on his list. So, I wont get tempted to IM him or him sending me messages.

I know it sounds stupid and silly but I have no other choice. I dont feel good about avoiding him. I do want to talk to him just how i use to before...but things are different now.

 

 

So, I don't know what to do. If i stop talking to him then I'll miss him.....if i continue then i'l be happy but probably get myself hurt or something.

 

if he tries to talk to me does that mean he still misses me or isnt over me?

[Daligal83]

You'll miss him at first, but that goes away after awhile. If you want to move on, I think you need to stop contacting him for awhile. I'm not a fan of the cold NC though. I think it'd be better to drop him an IM or voicemail or email and just say that you need some time away from him to regroup. When you are ready, you'll contact him and hopefully he'll want to talk too.

[krnswte143]

im not sure..but yeah that is a good idea.....i dont wana tell him that i need time he knows that i need it....but i keep contacting him....so i stopped but now he is contacting me .....and i seriously do need some time for myself.......so i'l keep in touch w/ him sometimes just to say hi....but thats about it. u think thats ok?

[Daligal83]

Well if you need time for yourself, keeping in touch won't really do that. I'm not saying it has to be forever, but at least for a little while to get yourself through that hard time after a break up. I tried to do the same thing with my ex because I was afraid to have him totally out of my life. It didn't work though. By keeping in touch and knowing what he was doing, it just made me more upset. I had to completely separate myself from him.

[krnswte143]

Yes i know. I'll just stop talking to him and Im sure he'll understand why. He knows that I need time. We dont talk everyday only sometimes but even that makes me feel uneasy. I dont mind talking to him but its just different. I guess i'll just need to start NC and stick with it......plus, i'm going away to another country for 2 weeks this month.. so that'll help me alot. thanks!

[Daligal83]

That should definitely help. Again, I wouldn't just go NC without telling him because that could affect any future friendship that you could have. Enjoy your time away! That sounds like so much fun

[krnswte143]

yeah i'l figure out when or how to tell him again..........i would like to stay in touch with him though but then again i need some time away too. gosh, its really hard. i'll have to make up my mind fast.

[Daligal83]

It is hard, but you can do it. Keep using this forum when you have those rough times. Good luck!

[krnswte143]

ok, werid thing happen but im not gona take it seriously.

 

since today will be my last time i'l talk to my ex for now....so we were just chatting and then he said his neck hurts and he needs a massage bad....so i said, ok, ask someone to give u......and he said i want janella's massage parlor of course i didnt say anything and i ask him why does his neck hurts n he said he rode his bicycle for a long time or so...

 

 

it probably doesnt mean anything but.....doesnt seem like he isnt over me yet?

[Daligal83]

That does seem kinda flirty. But if you don't want to be with him, then that's what matters. Can I ask why you broke up in the first place?

[krnswte143]

we broke up becus we were havin so much problems.. we argue so much......reason is.....MAIN REASON is......he was living with his ex gf.....(they went out 13 yrs ago) and other ppl too..

 

although they say they are friends.....i jus have so hard time accepting that.....and i was uncomfortable....i became jealous.....and had insecurities.....my ex would always say to trust him..nothings goin on......guess i just couldnt.....and we jus argue every few weeks....and got worse n worse.....towards the end...we became unhappy....so he ended it .. and i agreed...but now we jus talk on and off.. now.

 

i know we both stil love/care for eachother.... n stuf....iono about him.. i would go back if we can solve the problem...unlikely we probably wont...cus i wil never be ok w/ him livin with an ex....it'l cause problems...jus as it did when i was with him.......if he moves out..then i might but who knows.

[Daligal83]

A couple more questions before I say anything. How old are you guys? How long did you date him for? How long did he date his ex for? Does he have any plans to move out?

[krnswte143]

A couple more questions before I say anything. How old are you guys? How long did you date him for? How long did he date his ex for? Does he have any plans to move out?

 

 

im 26 and he is 33. i dated him for an year and 3 month. he dated her for maybe 3 or 4 years. well, i dont know. he said different things to me when i asked him. he said maybe he wil move out when he has money to buy a house. or maybe he wil live there and maybe she'l move out.

[Daligal83]

Well if you know that you can't stay with him while he lives there, then that's your decision. But to me, it was a very long time ago and I'm sure he's totally moved on. Unless he's given reason for you to think otherwise. But either way, if you've decided to break up then I think you do need that time off.

[krnswte143]

yes, it was very long ago but he did gave me few reasons that he puts her "first" than me....and to tell u the truth i dont like that feeling. i dont think no one wants to be 2nd best......i mean he could see it differently than me but that is what i feel.

 

yeah i dont know bout getting back w/ him.....i do love/miss him very much but his surroundings i just cant accept for some reason.......

 

i mean maybe since we both realize things (if he did) maybe things wil be better now........but it is to soon to figure out....just been a month.......maybe later in the future.....if its meant to be and he is moved out or not........maybe we'l could try again.

 

 

im trying to find ways to get over him and the situation...........but its hard.....guess i gotta be strong......but only problem is if i dont talk to im for few days....he ends up talking to me......so wat should i do about that??

 

and now he is online and he isnt sending no messsages? werid if you ask me...

[Daligal83]

If you don't want him to send you messages, then tell him not to. Expain that you need some time to yourself to move on from the relationship. You could include that you want to be friends with him, but you don't think that can really happen until you have moved on, so you're asking him not to contact you for awhlie. Just don't get upset then when he follows along with your request.

[krnswte143]

yeah i will tell him soon..jus tryin to get my thoughts together now...its pretty coo that we could still carry a regular convo even though we broke up......i mean that is pretty rare to find these days..... but it is still hard for me......

 

 

i went online this morning and he send me a message saying he post a thread on yahoo answers and told me to check it out...we talked about it and stuff. and he send me a site where it says" to avoid arguments w/ girls" and then he said its so true. i added and said " we argued alot. come to think of it we both were being childish" haha and he didn say anything......i wonder why. so i just change the subject.

 

so iono......if i cant take it anymore i might have to say stop talking to me......wont be easy thing to say to someone u know?

[ImThatGirl]

Hey! I've been thinking of you!

 

You hanging in there? It is very difficult to take that ultimate step of walking away. And at this point, who knows? Maybe you can work through this?

 

What was his yahoo question?

[krnswte143]

aww thats so sweet of u thanks!

 

yeah, im doin a lot better than few weeks ago.. Im finding things to do to get myself busy... i work out on weekdays..weekends are the hardest but i go rent movies n jus hang out....sometimes w/ a friend......

 

funny thing is i even posted on here....few days ago... ex n i were chatting...and then he said his neck hurted and needed a massage bad...i said, ok go ask someone and he said he wanted Janella's Massage...i was like uhm ok lol.'

 

 

u think he stil has feelins for me?

[Daligal83]

I know how hard it is...I bawled my eyes out when I did it with my ex, but now I'm so glad that I did. It was a different situation though because he didn't treat me well. It sounds like you guys do care about each other. You'll know when you're ready to do it, if that's what you want. There's no rush. Just remember that it's easier to move on without contact, in my opinion.