HELP, The anger won't go away

[ephemeralDreams]

My first love, wife of seven years, mother of my son left me 13 months ago for a older man. I am mad as hell. I have lost much of the contact with my son ( 5 years old). I feel I can never get family back. I came from a broken home and I know you have to make the best of what you have. What I have is half of what my son deserves. Hate fills my days and nights. I cannot have a healthy relationship with a woman. My expectation of love is so low right now. I feel very hurt and mixed up. How do you get the hate out of your heart, HOW? It has been a year, I need to move on. The hate is killing me.

[bitbit]

find yourself again. when you're in a long term relationship and you build a new life and new family, you sometimes forget what made you, you, in the first place. find that. go to sporting events, hang out with friends, wander around your city, find yourself. have a list of 10 things you want to do before you die? do them. if not, make one.

[Scout]

Has the hate been going on for a year, though? Or is it more recent, even last six months? Because it could be you're going through an understandable "anger" period...which would mean you're actually closer to healing...as the anger stage is usually after the denial stage.

 

Not to sound so clinical about your situation. I just read some of your other posts, and the plain truth is you went through a terrible trauma and ordeal. I feel your pain, I really do...but better for you to feel angry than to be in denial.

 

And it sounds like you're sick of feeling angry and hateful, so that too will likely pass.

[bitbit]

how can you tell him to use his son to get back at his ex-wife?

[ephemeralDreams]

I want my son's relationship with his mother to be as healthy as can be! I want to show him Family is forever and love is real. This is a sad time, I feel I am keeping the ugly truth from him. I want him to have more than me, or at least the same chance at love. I think their is a hole in my heart that will never heal. I will never love again with the same level of trust, and for that I am truly angry. Forever damaged!!!!!

[Aschleigh]

Can you find a counselor or spiritual leader to talk to?

Is it possible the hate and anger were there before this divorce?

Sadness is underneath anger, let yourself be sad. Even if it feels more in control to be angry, focus on the sadness. It will hurt and it will get better, the more you deal with the root cause of the anger.

Do this for your son, so that you can be the best dad possible to him.

You also need a lawyer to get your visitation rights dealt with.

[L.J.]

I want my son's relationship with his mother to be as healthy as can be! I want to show him Family is forever and love is real.

EphemeraDreams,

That's very positvie energy. Try letting go of the negative for you and your son. Though you are keeping the truth from him, children are very intuitive in sensing anger. I really think you're a remarkable father by the comments you made about giving your son the best. The least you can do beside your love for him, is to let go of the anger so you can be a better father than you already are.

[surviveitall]

I'm in the same boat. I too had a wife of seven years. She left me to "go party" and become a * * * * with random guys. No kids though. Its been 13 months for me, and I still have so much resentment for her built up. It bothers me every day and every night.

[ephemeralDreams]

You are so right Mood. It is the children that loose. Many kids loose there fathers because they become strangers, out of sight out of mind. I was one of those kids. Many single moms become burned- out martyrs, and do a bad job raising the kids. Using " I do the best I can" a self pity excuse. Men will take the father role when our society demands it. I was a stay at home dad for two years. I know how to care for a child. I was the "primary care giver" but I did not want to take my son from his mother. Divorce is not a contest but many women view it that way!

[blender]

I know it may seem impossible right now, but you will love again, if you choose to do so. Right now you are in pain, and yes the script didn't go as written, but that's okay, you still have a chance to write the rest of it, and it starts with "acceptance" and to keep loving your son, and show him that family is still there because as long as there is love and respect, you have family. And you love and respect your son. Give him the chance to do the same for you, he will, his mother is on her own journey right now, but YOU are going to be a stablizing force in your son's life, and YOU WILL LOVE AGAIN..

 

The anger, well be careful of 'holding onto it for too long, it's like a fisherman's hook, so don't fight it, accept it, surrender to it, and you will gain some strength.. just know that it's "normal" for you to feel anger, but how you choose to "re-act" to it will set you free... acknowledge it as you have, and your healing has already begun.

 

You will love again.. you will.

[herbal]

Look at it this way, she lost a good thing(you),You lost a bad thing (her).

We all know who is the real loser.

You will be ok,you will be fine

It takes time

Dont force yourself to heal,

It will come naturally

Your body knows how to take care of you,

Pray alot if you are religious,

It will help.

[Moving On]

It’s okay to be angry when you are hurting so bad. It will hurt you more if you keep it all in like I did. Expressing how we feel can be good for the mind and body. When I break up from my ex 3 months ago I was forced not to express sadness or anger. I couldn’t cry or looks depress and people are always telling me to smile when inside I feel dieing. I’m here like you trying to find some kind of release or way out of this hell.